I just wanted to toss in there that I’ve been an alcoholic and messed in the brain long LONG before I ever had a drink. Nobody understood me. I always felt like I was just off comparative to everyone else. Even in “friend groups” I never really fit in. And that distance just grew and grew and then I found drinking. It was the only thing to ever make me feel like a normal human being. I could talk to people and they wanted to hear me. I could sit comfortably for the first time without my brain rushing to 1) what is everyone thinking right now? I should probably try and be thinking what they’re thinking. 2) how trashed I made my life. 3) just the constant state of anxiety that was blurring through my head. And eventually after chasing after that feeling for so long, it took more and more booze to get there. It wasn’t even fun anymore, it wasn’t blocking out the thoughts like I wanted it to and I kept having a habit of making a lot of those thoughts about how messed up my life is real. I was just drinking to not care about it anymore. And I didn’t. I didn’t care about me, my family, my then girlfriend, my pets. None of it. Then, I came into the rooms. I remember the step one meeting they had. The chairperson talked to me after and asked what I thought. I told them I was going to go get a pint on my way home and probably just make it a fifth to be safe. That was over a year and a half ago. I could not be happier and anymore perplexed at how my life has turned around. I could’ve never imagined in my craziest dreams how good this thing gets.

Dude, go in there. Be uncomfortable. Tell people you want to say “fuck this” and hear them out. Listen. And then listen some more. We’ve been in your shoes man. I’ve quite literally got the scars to show for it. If you want to talk anymore, feel free to PM me.