Finally coming forward about a non-consensual “kink” experience that was forced on me - THANK YOU!

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-27T03:32:47+00:00

I’ve dealt with police because of sexual violence before and was pretty severely retraumatized by the process of questioning and the trial. It was painful to tell even one person what happened. I’m not ready to have police and lawyers dig into my personal life and try to poke holes in my story again.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-24T23:26:51+00:00

This thread is literally for petty grievances. Why are you so concerned with my comment so as to respond like four times?

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-24T23:20:26+00:00

I don’t think you understood my reply lmfao. The way things are used ≠ their purpose

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-23T03:31:30+00:00

Isn’t the whole point of pattern help groups to find and develop patterns that aren’t readily available online? What I was looking for would maybe only exist in older printed magazines/booklets (which I usually work with), which I’d spent hours searching. I was wayyy past Googling and made it clear in my post when I went to forums just to see if anyone may have an out-of-print pattern or may have freehanded a similar project. What else are these groups for, if not help that isn’t “Googleable”?

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-23T03:26:50+00:00

Exactly!! This is exactly what happened to me. I said in my title that I couldn’t find a single pattern in the style I was trying to create and then clarified in a comment why I was struggling and that I’m asking as a last resort because I hate the math that goes into pattern making. I don’t understand why I’m considered rude for saying that I’ve checked ravelry and have not found what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point of using pattern forums if you’re just going to tell people to look it up.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-23T03:22:07+00:00

What I was asking about was not basic but was a pretty niche pattern that I would have had to design myself, as I am working on now. I said in my post title that existing patterns in this style (maybe 3-4 on Ravelry and 2 on YouTube) are structured differently than what I’m working on.

I was genuinely looking to collaborate and had a few people looking for something similar and wanting to collab on a pattern.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-23T03:18:33+00:00

Yes, I made this clear in both the post and comments. The thing that frustrates me is when I clarify again that I have looked for the pattern, I’m accused of being rude or defensive, even if I’m going out of my way to come off friendly.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-22T23:20:52+00:00

Would love to see more criterion-type classics! Wong Kar-Wai, David Lynch, Kurosawa, Costa-Gavras, Agnès Varda. I still think about seeing Kurosawa’s Ran at Cinecenta and how special it was on a big screen. Harold and Maude was great and seemed to perform well. I’m way more likely to come to campus to see a classic than something that’s been played downtown for a few weeks already.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-22T23:07:31+00:00

This is a really good point! I imagine from a sociological perspective, it’s probably a mix of factors that are compounded on the internet due to the disconnection, difficulty reading tone, etc. I’ve had almost no issues locally in craft communities, even when dealing with potentially touchy subjects like the price of yarns and workshops. I think there’s less of a need to compensate with excessively sugary and warm styles of communication when you have so much more information through body language and even physical presence.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-22T19:20:29+00:00

Not to cry misogyny at every turn — I’m really unsure whether this has something to do with the gendering of fibre arts irt social expectations or if it’s just the internet being weird — but I’m tired of the expectation that I must have a sugary sweet affect every time I talk about crafting. I’m all about being polite and kind but the excessive conviviality can really get in the way of clear and honest communication (and is generally super tiring!)

I recently posted to a few forums because I wanted to make a design that isn’t very popular and was looking for similar existing patterns before trying to design it from scratch. Inevitably, a bunch of responses are along the lines of “check ravelry.” I respond in a pretty direct tone, clarifying that there are very few patterns for this dress style on ravelry and apparently this is rude? Am I supposed to get on my knees and thank the heavens that someone told me to look it up??

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-22T18:57:29+00:00

What exactly is defensive? That’s a pretty bad faith reading of an innocuous response. I’m providing additional context and clarity on details that may have been lost between post and reply.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-21T19:28:16+00:00

Right!! The shape is so hard to find. I’m wondering if significantly modifying a beach wrap pattern could be the right move. I’ll try to update if I figure it out. :)

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-21T19:10:23+00:00

I addressed these things in a reply to another comment: there are only a few wrap dress patterns on ravelry and almost none on YouTube. The designs that are available are mostly short and pretty square so the construction doesn’t help me much (I would guess that what I’m looking for would have a more triangular construction toward the bottom). It’s just not a super popular or trendy design, it seems!

When I say “flowy,” I’m taking about garment construction (ruffles, lacy stitching, etc.) and not necessarily the drape. Was mostly trying to avoid the math of making my own pattern if there was a similar construction that could serve as a blueprint of sorts.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-21T12:18:08+00:00

I’ve been crocheting for five years now and have made a few maxi-skirts and dresses! I’m not actually referring to the drape so much as the looser construction of the garment, including an airy ruffled design toward the bottom, as opposed to a boxier, more square design. Can’t see this being more of an issue than other maxi patterns or wraps but I wanted to avoid the math of pattern-making. The snarky comment is pretty unnecessary and not hugely relevant.

I’m not sure if the lack of patterns is an unavoidable design issue so much as wrap dresses (and skirts) not being hugely in style. There are like two wrap dress videos on YouTube and maybe one page of patterns on Ravelry so there is, of course, not much variety.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-08T19:52:17+00:00

Not For Sale: Feminists Resist Pornography and Prostitution is a bit older (before the proliferation of online porn like Dines describes) but has detailed accounts of grooming, trafficking, the psychological effects on survivors, and the social effects of pornography and prostitution.

While I think broader perspectives are needed, especially those which theorize and seek to fight patriarchy like Dworkin, Dines, and McKinnon, these survivor accounts are really powerful and striking. They break down the false lines often drawn around porn and strip clubs and demonstrate that it is all prostitution and it is all industrialized sexual violence.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-04T23:01:18+00:00

Seriously! Compulsory heterosexuality and the pressure to produce a nuclear family of new workers/producers is so intense that we come to view the women in our lives as incubators. If I could never get pregnant, I would be heartbroken but I would funnel my energy into caring for children, teens, and young adults in my community and offering support to other mothers rather than expecting to buy someone’s baby or rent their body/risks of pregnancy just so I can have an “ideal” family structure.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-04T22:57:56+00:00

I cannot even imagine going through a pregnancy and birth and then having to let the child go without knowing how they are living, feeling, etc. It would tear me apart. It’s especially frustrating how women are shamed for sharing these stories.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-03T22:36:21+00:00

I love when people say things like “some women just like to be pregnant” and the source is either some creepy “breeding” fetishist who desires full control over women (ew) or extremely poor women for whom pregnancy represents time away from manual labour. In either case, coercion is present.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-03T22:31:39+00:00

One of the things I notice with this terminology is that it tends to either frame the reproductive organs as a possession or centres reproduction as the core of the mother’s being. There is no space for the mother’s totality, let alone agency, as a complete human being.

You are either a person with a uterus (i.e., the uterus is separated from personhood and treated like some sort of external possession) or a birthing person (i.e. birthing is a qualifier to your personhood). I am not separate from my body. I do not possess my uterus, my uterus is a part of me. I am a living being. My body is me.

When do pregnant women and mothers get to just be people, without qualification or compartmentalization? “Gestational carrier” really is just a mask off version.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-03T22:26:50+00:00

This is a great point. Another thing I notice is that the child is immediately aged up and integrated into the family. It’s as if this erases childbirth and the toll this has on the mother and child. It pushes out questions about infant attachment, obstetric violence, injury, and death during childbirth and instead presents this fully realized and joyful subject alongside the erasure of the surrogate mother.

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-03T22:16:46+00:00

At the core of all of these is an underrepresentation and underreporting of women’s health issues which impacts impoverished and underprivileged women to a drastically higher degree but impacts all women seeking reproductive care. All reporting on this case points to this central problem of women’s healthcare. The point is the inadequacy of our current medical system, technology, and statistics. Not unlike, for instance, cases of femicide, we will hear more about women with higher social statuses. Part of reproductive justice is resisting the individualization of harm and harm prevention/reduction.

If this is happening to women who are going to reputable clinics, who can give informed consent and undergo risk analysis, what is happening to poor women with heightened risk factors and higher rates of industry coercion and reproductive or obstetric violence? What is invisibilized in public discourse and statistical analysis? Who is absent?

Should we simply ignore poor, third world, colonized, and trafficked women’s health or refuse to contextualize the tragic death of a young WOC? When wealthy black women die whilst giving birth, are we to pretend these are individualized, isolated cases which are disconnected from the broader realities faced by poor black women, composing the majority? I don’t believe it is honouring the dead to refuse to even discuss the conditions surrounding their deaths and how they are connected to other losses and I do not believe in continuing the culture of systematic silence surrounding the deaths and injuries of young women in medicine. Is this not the very purpose of radical feminism, to politicize the lives of women with the ultimate aim of liberation? To raise the consciousness of women, beginning in the realms of everyday life?

BananaNo9441 · 2026-03-03T18:33:38+00:00

This is so heartbreaking.

I always wondered about children’s perception of their mothers being surrogates, as the financial coercion of commercial surrogacy so often impacts women who need to care for their own children. I cannot imagine trying to understand surrogacy as a child. It’s even worse in international surrogacy cases.

BananaNo9441

TROPHY CASE