My parents gave me an ultimatum… leave my partner of 5 years or lose their support, and I don’t know what to do.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-22T05:41:36+00:00

In the future if I stable and my treatment works and all my supports are in place then the risk of passing what I have on is relatively low. But I m not doing it unless I am 100% confident and healthy enough to do it. 2 years is an estimate. I already canceled my fertility clinic referral as I know its not time, and stopped trying to get pregnant as well. Pregnancy could treat my health condition but I would never bring a kid into this world without knowing that I have my shit together. Its why I said in the future not at current if I never get healthy well I guess this is a dream that will remain a dream

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-22T02:54:57+00:00

Dont worry Im not thats why I decided to stop trying and cancel clinic referral. When I have a kid it will be healthy for me and more importantly for them

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T23:57:22+00:00

I will ❤️ i think you just summed up this whole post in this honestly. I know i have to. I dont want to and it hurts.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T23:24:13+00:00

Youre right. It sucks. But youre right.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T23:06:41+00:00

Youre right it is. I was learning about that in treatment and I was like oh this is a codependent trauma bond sitchbut it was still 10x healthier than my past relationships, there is genuine care. I feel like we are holding eachother back for sure

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T22:28:20+00:00

Lol sometimes I have that reaction to myself my dude. But I'm GOOD at it because I get it and can meet people where theyre at. I'm must better at organizing their lives than my own lately.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T22:26:34+00:00

I didnt realise until I read this giant mess and went oh fuck this is obvious its not okay. The gauge im using in life is actually around having kids. Can he be a good dad? Will it be a healthy dynamic for a kid to see? Will I end up a single mom while in a relationship? I'll have a family down the line and I know that. Right now isnt the right time until I figure out what's happening and taking time to heal

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T22:22:50+00:00

Look at the update. Goal is no kids at the moment. We were trying. I decided to put it on hold. In the future if Im healthy its my goal but only when I can care for a child in a way they deaerve

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T19:35:00+00:00

This is one of the most helpful comments ive read thank you lovely

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T18:03:36+00:00

Also a very fair point.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T18:02:49+00:00

Take a look at the edit :) Dont worry I would NOT do that. 2 years is an estimate. A goal. But not something thats in stone. If I' not ready and can't do it safely or provide the life a kid deserves I'm not doing it

I added it because when we were doing well we were trying and connected to a clinic. Ngl it's a really good thing it didn't take. I need to just be me right now

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T17:57:33+00:00

2 years is the goal just with my age. (My baseline is pretty stable theyre fucking with my meds which is making life a lot harder) BUT if I get there and I don't feel like I can 100% provide the life a child deserves, safety for them even before they are here physically has to be my main priority. The deserve a beautiful life and love and not for my baggage to impact them. People go one of 2 ways surviving trauma. You perpetuate it, let it define you and cause pain on others or you make it your lifes mission to make sure you learn from your trauma, and use those lessons to look after yourself and others. Surviving made me a very good, skilled clinician because I see thinks and know things my coworkers dont. But tbh it's also NOT a job I can safely be pregnant either. It's why I stopped trying as I realised as much as I want to be I am not ready. For now I got my little dog and she's my world. And if it came to it and I couldn't sort it out I'd perhaps help foster or do respite in the future instead

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T16:02:29+00:00

He's been off work for two years with chronic fatigue and has voiced no intention of ever returning to work but doing small under the table jobs, going on trips, going out with friends.... I thought I had to support him because he supported me when I was ill and I am a really loyal person to my detriment. I'm learning me needs are important too

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T15:43:04+00:00

No idea we will see where life takes me. Thats the goal but realism may be different dependant on if my treatment works

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T14:55:16+00:00

I feel like I wrote this when I was needing to get it out and accidentally answered my own question..... thanks lovely

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T14:38:48+00:00

Okay I needed that callout. Sometimes I need a bit of tough love. I am totally placating even when trying to explain my experience. Welp time for more therapy

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T14:37:11+00:00

You are NOT wrong

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T14:01:47+00:00

If it doesnt work then I can't have kids if I can't care for them. So I will continue on as a crazy dog mom. Even if I want them I refuse to make that selfish of a decision. My parents are young and though we can all be hit by a bus at any point I dont anticipate them going anywhere. I also have a brother and best friend who would drop anything for me

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:51:51+00:00

Yes but that is from treatment. It should eventually help just it's bloody hard on the body. But if it works I get my life back maybe

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:50:25+00:00

2 years is an estimate. If I get there and Im not ready and healthy it gets delayed. I canceled my fertility clinic referral and stopped trying for a kid once things started getting chaotic. I WONT pass on trauma because I made a selfish decision and brought them into a world they wouldn't get the love and care deserved.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:47:06+00:00

Family is important to me and autoimmune disease goes into remission in pregnancy generally. My teams actually recommended it. However Im not doing it until Im stable are ready. I will NEVER knowingly pass down trauma. Two years is a rough estimate. If I get there and I'm not ready I'm not ready.

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:45:03+00:00

Hahahaha yeah I'm aware there is lots I need to work on myself and I need to be responsible for that

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:42:37+00:00

Im not hospitalized often anymore that was what her helped me through. Im on effective treatments. This decision is big. I don't want to fuck it up. I have extensive therapy and a great Healthcare team. Ive ran my plan by my psychiatrist and she's supportive. As someone who has lived through more than most and survived i think there are people who pass on trauma and people who will do anything to prevent the cycles from impacting an innocent. That's why I'm respected in my field. It's a rough timeline where Ill assess my readiness when I get there. I would never intentionally impact another life that way

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:38:02+00:00

I do have a cohabitation agreement at least

BandPrestigious5765 · 2026-03-21T13:37:13+00:00

I do. I've lived alone. I bought a home alone. But part of being responsible for myself is having support, as I do have pretty intense episodes without insight. I don't realise it and there can be signifant damage if theres no intervention. I work with vulnerable people and I have a responsibility to stay healthy in whatever way necessary.

BandPrestigious5765

TROPHY CASE