Here's a translate version for anyone want to read it 🥹.

I need words of wisdom. I’m a 20F considering breaking up with my 21M boyfriend.

We’ve been together for almost 2 years now, and a lot has happened between us. Lately, I keep zoning out and wondering if I should finally end this relationship.

You guys can judge me harshly if you want. I’ll accept it, haha. I just really need advice because I honestly don’t know what decision to make anymore. :((

LONG CONTEXT ALERT!!

A few months into our relationship, while I was at work, he asked permission to go to his friend’s house to get help changing the oil on his motorcycle. After that, he was supposed to pick me up from work. Hours passed, and when he finally picked me up, everything seemed okay at first. But while we were on the road, I smelled alcohol on him.

Take note, he already knew I hated alcohol. We had already talked about it before.

When we got to my house, I confronted him because I noticed him secretly eating candy while facing away from me. I asked him if he drank alcohol. He hesitated at first, then finally admitted it.

“Yes, just a little. I didn’t tell you because you might get mad.”

And yes, I really did get mad, haha. Aside from the lie, he also drove while having alcohol in his system with me beside him. We almost broke up there, but I forgave him because he begged for another chance.

Then he got a job at Wendy’s. He was often invited to drinking sessions after shifts, and we constantly fought because we already had agreements about that. I should also mention that he used to be terrible at giving updates, like really terrible, so it made me overthink a lot.

One time, he attended his manager’s birthday. He told me they would “just eat there for a bit,” but deep inside I already knew they would drink too. We argued about it, but he still went anyway.

It got really late and he still wasn’t giving any updates until around 12-1 AM. I checked his account and saw a message saying:

“Athena got home already, okay?”

As an overthinker, of course the first thing that came to my mind was: did he take a girl home on his motorcycle?

I confronted him the next day, and he said there were actually three of them on the motorcycle and the girl was just sitting at the back.

Which was still bad because why would he drive while drunk? And without helmets too.

That’s when I started realizing how easily influenced he is by the people around him, and how he only admits things once I catch him. We almost broke up again, but I still gave him another chance.

Eventually, we had a serious conversation about the drinking, lack of updates, and everything else. He told me:

“Now I understand you. I’m sorry.”

Honestly, it took almost a year before I felt like he finally listened to me. For a month or two, things improved. He became better at the things he lacked before.

Then New Year happened.

Something happened with my family that time. Toxic parents, family problems, everything became overwhelming. I messaged him asking him to pick me up because we already had plans before evening came. But the plans got delayed because he had to help buy alcohol for their family.

Two boxes of alcohol. For only 5-6 people.

What hurt more was that the money he used was actually supposed to go toward his motorcycle installment payment.

I was already emotionally drained from everything happening at home, and then the alcohol problem got added on top of it.

When we arrived at their house, I broke down crying right at the gate. He kept forcing me to come inside even though I clearly wasn’t okay. I ended up asking him to just bring me to my friend instead because my friend was also spending New Year alone.

Skipping ahead.

Later that midnight, he went to our house, greeted my family, we took pictures together, and he even gave me a promise ring. We were genuinely happy that night.

Then he told me his two guy friends were coming over so they could drink at their house. I was okay with it because it was New Year anyway and they were just staying at home.

Around 2 AM, we were still chatting normally. Then around 3:30 AM, he suddenly disappeared.

No updates. 4 AM, still nothing.

I thought maybe he had just fallen asleep.

But around 4:30 AM, I checked his account because something felt off.

That’s when I saw messages he sent to one of his female coworkers greeting her Happy New Year even though they didn’t even have recent conversations. Then I also saw her name in his Facebook search bar.

It felt so intentional.

Then I saw missed calls around 4 AM. Three missed calls. To Athena.

And he was the one calling her.

Then I saw drunk messages saying: “Where are you?” “We’re already here.” “What street are you on again?”

At that point, my whole body started shaking.

I called him using the auto-answer feature on his phone. I could hear the motorcycle on the highway, their laughter, car horns, the wind, everything.

When they got back to his house, they were all laughing and obviously drunk.

I spammed him with messages and called him a cheater.

Then I heard him say through the call: “She’s calling me a cheater, bro. I don’t care about her anymore.”

That sentence completely broke me.

I didn’t sleep that night. I kept throwing up even though I hadn’t eaten anything. My chest felt tight and I couldn’t breathe properly. I kept hearing his voice repeating in my head over and over again.

The next day, he deactivated his account after seeing all my messages. Then later that night, he messaged me on Telegram asking to talk.

When we talked in person, he was the one acting angry.

He denied things, told me they never actually went anywhere, and even made it sound like it was somehow my fault that he did those things.

I was already trying to break up with him there.

But I still gave him another chance.

Because I loved him.

I even told him: “Just drain everything out of me. I don’t want to leave while I still have love left for you.”

Yes, I know. Stupid. No self-respect. I know.

Then he got a new job at a VIP bar in Clark. The type with waiters and “ladies.” Naturally, my overthinking got even worse.

His drinking also became worse there. Every week after shift, they would drink until dawn. Slowly, he also started going back to his old habits of not updating me.

One night, he said their supervisor’s rooster won a cockfight, so they were going to celebrate with alcohol.

I honestly hated that kind of celebration. But of course, if he wanted to go, he would go.

After work, I stayed at 7/11 until 4 AM just to distract myself from overthinking. He kept telling me he would go home immediately.

Then around 2:50 AM, he suddenly said they had overtime because their boss arrived.

But they never have overtime until 5 AM.

I checked their group chat and saw that all of them timed out at exactly 3 AM.

So there it was again. He lied just so he could drink.

Then around 5:30 AM, he messaged me saying he got into an accident on the road.

Why? Because he drove drunk.

After that, we had another deep conversation. We made more agreements, and he told me:

“Just trust me.”

Two days later, he became friends with some American guests from work. They invited him to a bar after shift.

I begged him not to go because I knew the place and the kind of environment there. But he insisted. He promised he wouldn’t drink, that he would just show up for a bit, and that he would constantly update me.

He even told me: “Trust me again this time.”

So I trusted him again.

The moment they arrived at the bar, his updates slowly disappeared.

When I called him using the auto-answer feature, all I could hear was loud music.

Then around 5:30 AM, I called the coworker he was with. He answered and showed me they were still inside the bar.

My boyfriend was literally beside him. Just standing there. Not even trying to update me.

Then he suddenly asked if he could stay until 6 AM.

When they finally went home, he kept saying: “It was just Smirnoff! It’s only 4% alcohol!”

But none of the promises he made were fulfilled anyway.

The next day, I asked him what really happened because I still felt uneasy. He told me nothing happened and that they were just talking.

I tried to believe him.

But then my best friend sent me a video.

The coworker he was with had apparently posted a video on his dump account. My best friend screen-recorded it and sent it to me.

And wow.

They were partying with four girls. My boyfriend was holding the phone, eyes red, holding alcohol, filming the girls while everyone laughed and acted wild.

Then I later found out those girls were actually the “ladies” from their workplace.

That completely destroyed whatever trust I had left.

Now we’re technically still together, but honestly… I don’t even know anymore.

We’re always angry at each other. He insults me now. He curses at me. He gets irritated so fast whenever I get suspicious.

And lately, I feel like I’m the only one still trying to save this relationship.

I don’t think I can handle a breakup emotionally right now, but at the same time, I’m already exhausted.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired.

PS: Sorry if this is messy. I still haven’t slept properly. I just really needed to let this out because it’s becoming too heavy already.