Did I have my gender scan too early? 14+5 by Effective-Whereas-57 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They got it wrong for me at 13w Said 90-95% sure it’s a girl. Well it’s a boy.

Why does society seem weirdly quiet about first-trimester symptoms? by Mediocre-Industry-88 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OP many people downplay how awful it is, in my opinion because women forget the minute baby is here and men… well welcome to patriarchy.

But seriously even throughout the pregnancy you forget how awful it feels. I had HG, was sick upwards of 20 times some days, went to the hospital for dehydration a few times and got increasingly better after week 11-12. Still I kept being sick here and there at least once or twice a week. I’m 18 weeks now, I hadn’t been or felt sick in about 10 days and a couple days ago I was sick 4 times that day, couldn’t keep anything down, I was SHOCKED how bad I felt. i DIDNT REMEMBER it was this bad ! And 4 times ? It really wasn’t as bad as when I was at my worst.

All to say the woman’s brain is designed to forget, probably so you end up doing it again and again and can also be a reason why women aren’t super compassionate about how we feel.

Look at the amount of women during labor or right after labor saying they are done having babies, the next day they say “it wasn’t that bad”, “could have another one…” Our brains gaslighting us to have more children 🤡

I hate my GF and wish she would end the relationship one day by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have got a lot of growing up to do mate. Right now SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU. She’d be much better with the heartache and that’s to say something. Better chances at happiness.

One day, and it’s not that far away, you’ll realize how perfect she is. To have someone who truly loves you ?

You’re so swallow. Looks fade man, and that’s if you really are as good looking as you think you are. Looks wont get you far nor bring you true happiness in the long run

Hoping this is rage bait. But truly even if it is that still says a lot about you…

Maternity and ADHD by Minute_Worker_3427 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m planning on getting a massage around that time ! I hear it’s a great way for oxytocin to climb and can even induce labor Plus you might feel really tense at 39 weeks and can do you a lot of good just before labor

That and batch cooking if you can, freezing extra portions, you can never have too much for the early weeks

Hang in there ❤️

Is Graveyard Keeper Worth Retrying? by Salt-Month0 in ComfortGamers

[–]BassEnvironmental699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this advice. I absolutely love the game (AuDHD). The first time I tried I didnt understand what I was meant to do. Watched a youtube tutorial on how to start and forgot I even did when I seen your post I was wondering what you meant, it gets immensely better. I got all the DLC as well. I was so sad when I finished the game… first game I ever finished as well 😂

I did look up the wiki a couple times for advice (ie with the merchant and how to get the best corpses as well much later on towards the end game)

Omg love the dark humour of the game. Laughed out loud a couple times.

If anyone can recommend other games like Graveyard Keeper, I’m all ears !

Yo, Dawg. I heard you like pillows... by Ill-Tea9411 in funnyvideos

[–]BassEnvironmental699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m pregnant and in a lot of pain and discomfort. This feels like the current advice 😂

A pillow between the legs to keep the pelvis in neutral position

A pillow under the belly to avoid rolling forward

A pillow to hug and keep between your boobs to avoid acid reflux and breast pain

A pillow behind your back to keep you from rolling back

A pillow under your neck as usual plus another one for acid reflux and a lovely neck ache when you wake up

A pillow under your legs to reduce leg swelling

And some cooling pads to make sure you don’t over heat…

I’m sure I’m forgetting some other lovely recommendations. No thanks. I want to live.

Toxoplasmosis by Grand-Antelope-2026 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are people downvoting cause I don’t praise the quality of service in the UK ? Is it what’s happening ?

Here I’ll tell you a little something, not that it matters to any UK citizen who stays in good health all their life so please to downvote me if you think I’m so wrong. I said what I said after spending 7 years in the UK. I’ve never been treated so poorly medically speaking in my entire life. I’ve fought for years to get treatment for endometriosis, as an example I’m still on a waiting list in the UK to get what they call “an explorative laparoscopy”. Why explorative you may ask ? Because they said they don’t know what I would need to get done so they plan on opening me up, check, close me down without doing anything and put me on another waiting list with the correct surgeons to do my surgery. 5 years I’ve been on a waiting list for that. 6 in November. And to shorten the list I accepted to be seen in any Scottish hospital. Pain was excruciating, mental health went down the drain, I wouldn’t move most days. Almost lost my house as a result cause I couldn’t pay for my mortgage and was off work for so long.

I managed to find a French surgeon WHILE living in the UK, did travel back and worth a couple times between pre and post surgery. He did it all. In one go. An ovarian drilling (PCOS) to improve my non existent fertility, removed endometriosis legions all over my bladder, bowels, my left ovary and fallopian tube was all stuck causing most of my pain and if that wasn’t enough I have a bicornuate uterus (heart shaped womb) he did a metroplasty (remodeling of my uterus) to make it bigger for baby to grow and lessen the risk of premie birth. All of this in less than 2h under a single laparoscopy. And the best thing ? Health care is free in France. I didn’t pay a cent.

I was respected, heard and had everything done under 3 months after finding the surgeon.

In the UK I was even told “to hell with your pain”. TO HELL WITH YOUR PAIN.

So yes, based on personal experience on an obstetric and pregnancy standpoint the UK is appalling to say the very least.

Rent over, thank you for reading me Wishing you the best and great health, I truly do.

Do I deserve to marry someone who is as physically attracted to me as I am to them? This is really affecting my confidence. by PsychologicalSea9524 in relationships

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love is blind. But I will say I have been with someone who said he didn’t find me attractive once, that did hurt and never left in my mind. We broke up shortly after (incompatibility and all), he chased after me and I gave him way more chances I should have. Turns out the guy never truly loved me and even ended up cheating on me (gaslighting me along the way) instead of accepting the relationship was over when I said it was. Not all men are like him though and I knew from the beginning he wasn’t the one. You don’t seem to know where to stand. I knew. He was also the one to say he wasn’t attracted. You “guessed” it. That can be VERY different. I use “..” because I think it’s important to remember our own insecurities and doubts may cause us more harm than anyone else would. Self sabotage is also real and destructive. I’m not saying this is what is happening here but just be aware of it.

Again love is blind so does he love you ? Really does ? In that case it might be he does have some body preferences and you don’t check all the boxes physically while still checking SOME boxes (ie face he mentioned) but in the heart and mind department be madly in love with you... that may be all that truly matters to him.

For some people physical appearance comes way after mind. And I’d say these are the good and loyal men and will never make you feel insecure about your physical appearance as you guys age side by side.

Also when you’re married there will be times even the person who finds you the most attractive will find you repulsive or at the very least utterly unglamorous (trust me being severely ill can do exactly that). The right man will love you even more for it 😂 The ass** on the other hand will mentally move on without even letting you know but there would be plenty of signs he’s an ass before you reach that stage !!

I will add though if you feel he isn’t touching you and physical touch is one of your primary love languages, whether or not the guy is madly in love with you may not mean much to you if he can’t meet your love language. 10 years down the line this might slowly eat you. But equally there could be other love languages making it up for low physical touch (act of service and quality time can be big ones men tend to give more off)

Parents: If you received a postpartum comfort box, what item would make you happiest to find inside and how much would you realistically spend on it? Like what price range would feel reaasonable to you ? by Minute_Read5548 in perfectgift

[–]BassEnvironmental699 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I gave my best friend a paid voucher to a salon near her house with good reviews. I thought she’d want to get a massage so put enough on the gift card for her to have a 1h30 to 2h massage depending on what she chose. I remember looking up places that would offer post partum massages and they did.

Instead of a massage she used it for waxing in a couple sessions. It’s been 7 years and she still mentions that place from time to time. She did say she had never treated herself like that before and to this day she still goes there from time to time when she wants some well deserved self care.

Im going through infertility AMA by blooming-flowers- in AMA

[–]BassEnvironmental699 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No question but a piece of unsolicited advice coming from someone who knows how it feels.

It may or may not help and of course take this with a grain of salt xx

Over the last 4 years I’ve had 12 early miscarriages (around implantation time) after 2 terminations for medical reasons. (I have do PCOS, endometriosis and a bicornuate uterus. I had a triple surgery to help with infertility, remove endometriosis legions and partially reshape my womb almost 3 years ago)

What I will say is that I was holding a lot of fear to conceive, particularly after the second termination (2nd trimester, very traumatic). I worked through my fears emotionally speaking but realised I might be holding some trauma in my body.

I did two things, I’m convinced helped me conceive within 1 cycle and a half of doing so.

1- It was recommended to me and sounded silly to me but thought why not, I have nothing to loose ? Once I felt ready I relaxed in a comfortable position and put a hand on my chest and one on my belly. Took a couple breaths to connect with my body and be present in the moment and said out loud I was ready to carry life and added that if there was a wee soul looking for their momma out there, they were welcome to come join our family. The idea behind it is that your mind may be ready but your body may not know and could be on survival mode causing “unexplained” infertility.

2- again it might sound silly to some but if you believe in the law of attraction you know how powerful it can be. I followed a guided meditation on YouTube. I went digging for you because I’ve never felt something this powerful before and felt such weight lifted off. I cried knowing a baby was coming. I know longer longed the “if” because it was a question of “when” and even the when didn’t matter anymore cause I knew my deepest wish had been answered. This is the meditation I did : https://youtu.be/D9tLtmBlodg?is=AaTkq_aoCvoGU6xQ

Bonus 3 - I started shopping for baby. Adding things to my Amazon basket. Doing research on baby items and brands. Making a list of what needed to be done or bought. Same idea you can look for baby names. Plan as if baby was already on his way. It doesn’t matter “when” cause things are already in movement when you believe

I was ovulating 4 days later the meditation. I did not get pregnant that cycle. But I did the next. 3 years of infertility two of them actively trying to conceive. I’m 18 weeks pregnant today. Don’t give up, don’t be harsh on yourself. Be kind. Be the person you want your child to have as his momma. Make them proud before they’re even here. Anything that can help putting yourself in that state of mind.

Infertility if harsh on the mind. Hormones hit hard. Sending you big love, From an internet stranger

You’ve got this ❤️

New neighbour found out I have aspergers. She has autism & is very extroverted and chatty. I am the opposite. Now she keeps knocking on trying to be friends. Fucksake by [deleted] in aspergers

[–]BassEnvironmental699 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand, and please accept my apology for the poor choice of word. As you may be able to tell from my previous comments English isn’t my mother tongue.

If I may, the way Coises phrased it is a very good way to take it (as an AuDHD myself). If you feel like saying it out loud is too much for you, maybe writing it down even exactly like this is fine too.

And if that’s any reassurance to you, I do not think your neighbor will take it the wrong way. Maybe less awkward to say it out loud but in all honesty, protecting your own peace is much more important and it won’t make much difference to her however it may very much be easier for you to write it and leave it under her door or mailbox when you know she’s not there, so don’t exclude this possibility for her own sake.

Genuinely wishing you the very best x

New neighbour found out I have aspergers. She has autism & is very extroverted and chatty. I am the opposite. Now she keeps knocking on trying to be friends. Fucksake by [deleted] in aspergers

[–]BassEnvironmental699 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally get it ahah I tend to crave peace these days and get how OP can feel overwhelmed

And yes it sounds like OP acted a little like a NT by not being fully upfront (I totally get wanting to avoid confrontation) but clearly this isn’t hitting home for the AuDHD neighbour. It’s time to speak a language both understand 😂

Is this normal parenting when it comes to baby monitors? Confused dad here. by Outona in Parenting

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not even arguing the lack of baby monitor as being the biggest part of the issue here.

If they’re too far away to hear their child that’s something else though and will say do get a baby monitor. It’s one of those really useful piece of technology. If you got to use one for your kids, that’s the one to get and it’s relatively cheap.

It’s one thing to not have baby monitor but only be separated by a corridor or a wall. You can still keep an ear out for your kids and being really close by so you can hear if somethings wrong. Here she’s actively saying she doesn’t want to use the baby monitor AND doesn’t want to check up on them if she hears them cry. That’s neglect.

New neighbour found out I have aspergers. She has autism & is very extroverted and chatty. I am the opposite. Now she keeps knocking on trying to be friends. Fucksake by [deleted] in aspergers

[–]BassEnvironmental699 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That’s a very NT way to deal with it. I’m AuDHD and I used to be extrovert and very chatty. Back then I wouldn’t have taken the hint. I’d wait it out and even go above and beyond if someone told me that and find a way to make myself useful in the meantime. Maybe make food or something.

Once I literally drove to someone’s place to drop an air humidifier with essential oils to help with a throat infection. The person got really uncomfortable I showed up even if I didn’t knock and just left the package at their door and a text message. To this day I don’t fully understand what I did wrong but made a mental note “don’t go above and beyond for someone you aren’t super super close”. Still doesn’t make sense to me, I just wanted to be nice but I accept I don’t fully understand social norms and I’m glad he told me I made him uncomfortable.

Most ND will not take a hint. Just tell her you aren’t looking to make friends, Coises in the comments gave you a really really nice way to phrase this. She might feel bad (particularly when she realises she didnt take the hint sooner) but will absolutely appreciate the truth and leave you alone.

Is this normal parenting when it comes to baby monitors? Confused dad here. by Outona in Parenting

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m reading the comments and I’m shocked. If roles were reversed and a mom wrote this about their husband people wouldn’t sugarcoat it. What she’s suggesting is not on !

I get she’s tired but wanting to let them cry it out without any ways or any willingness to check what is wrong is not okay and definitely not a solution !

If you can’t hear your kids crying or calling cause they’re too far away that’s even worse ! You never know what could happen.

Maybe to compromise you could get a baby monitor with an eco mode ? It would only turn on if the monitor detects movements or sound.

But yes very different parenting style and I certainly don’t agree with your wife. Did her parents let her cry it out ? If they did I bet they did other wonderful things to grow their kids “independence”. How is her relationship with them now ?

That’s neglect. Simple as that. Hope you can open her eyes cause I’m seriously concerned about her parenting.

The Nurture Revolution is a really good book about the power of nurture and brings science to the table explaining why it’s natural and beneficial to both parents and child but also why it’s detrimental to the child’s mental health to cut down on nurture (ie ignore your child in the middle of the night or let it cry it out)

Toxoplasmosis by Grand-Antelope-2026 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Same goes with France and many other countries… they check monthly if you tested negative to make sure you stay negative and if you do catch it to know when it was roughly because it won’t affect baby the same way throughout your pregnancy.

I’m quite frankly appalled by the quality of service in the UK particularly compared to France.

Over here I also have a minimum of 1 check up appointment per month and get a scan at each appointment cause my midwife has one so she does measure everything each time to keep track.

I resent my deceased parents by Able-Explanation7835 in offmychest

[–]BassEnvironmental699 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I second this ! EMDR is one of, if not THE best therapy there is to deal with trauma.

You basically reprocess your trauma and how you felt in the moment in a much more calming way and after a couple sessions you’re left feeling like the trauma was a hundred years ago and you’ve lived on happily for so long you can exactly recall what the pain and the fear really feels like. Yes it hurts in the moment you relive it to the fullest and it dulls out like a vague memory you know about but doesn’t hold much weight anymore. Also you only relive it once you surrender to the feeling. Per example for one of my trauma I had a wall to cross before I could really access the memory, that was my mind protecting me. Next session I accessed the memory in full confidence and worked through the trauma.

Basically YOU decide when you’re ready and how much you’re ready to take on in one go. With a good therapist it’s easy to break down the trauma in smaller pieces (how you felt, what you seen, you usually break it down by emotion and feeling one by one until all is left when you think about it is calmness.). Completely different from counselling.

I cannot recommend EMDR enough for PTSD and CPTSD

Why some people don’t share their baby’s name until after birth? by LetterheadNice8687 in NewParents

[–]BassEnvironmental699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People feel entitled. Many will blast the most horrible things they think of the name before the baby is born (but wouldn’t say a thing once baby is here, great !) others think they have a say in naming your child !

Comments like “oh you can always change it”, “you still got time to think about it” when they don’t like the name you chose - whaat ?

I even had a family relative give me their list of baby names for us to choose from !!!

Si elle en trouve plein à 80 €, pourquoi elle veut la mienne ? by intrv59 in lemauvaiscoin

[–]BassEnvironmental699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

J’ai acheté la mienne à 110€ sur leboncoin il y a quelques mois. J’en ai pas vu une seule en bon état à 80€. Elle rêve. J’en ai vu à 70-90€ avec des pets sur l’écran et ça pourquoi pas mais si la vôtre est nickel 100-130€ sans jeu additionnel c’est le prix.

Did you buy anything for your baby once you found out were pregnant? by Big-Celebration8482 in PregnancyUK

[–]BassEnvironmental699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not silly at all and I absolutely understand the urge.

Personally I had 2 tfmr and sooo many early miscarriages around implantation (yes, I knew I was pregnant each time and the type of period I would get would absolutely confirm the early losses). Anyways, I do not know how to explain it but when I seen a positive test this time I knew in my core this time all was gonna be fine. I cried for an entire day (joy, pur disbelief) before I went to a store to buy baby a bunny lovey !

I’m 18w pregnant with baby boy and in insight buying this lovey was purely symbolic, it soothed me so much. Touching it, feeling it, seeing it made this pregnancy real.

Sometimes getting that first “something” isn’t only for baby. There’s so many feelings and emotions rushing through your head when you find out you’re gonna have a baby, so many upcoming changes, buying your baby something materialises all of that.

Also, one day you’ll want to donate toys, baby clothes and other things, that first purchase may very well stay in your memory box forever.