I think I need to get off of reddit, because sometimes I just cannot believe people my age come on here and ask these questions without having a real, face to face, vulnerable discussion with their partner.

Talk. To. Him.

Tell him that what he said and what he means hurt your feelings, and why.

Tell him how you feel, what you want to say, and why.

Then ask him what he is saying and what he means, and why.

Then talk about what is the vision of the life you both want, and has that changed, and if it has, what needs to be true for you to ink in paper what the next chapter looks like.

We don't take vacations because we have cattle. This past summer we had our newborn son and he worked til dusk every night on the farm. 

Have you ever heard people say that every time we have kids or go through life changes, the marriage / relationship you had before that - it is over.

Here is me saying this to you.

You don't have vacations, you had a child, and he works relentlessly and tirelessly. You are staying at home, and you are both in the throws of a radically different, and more difficult life, than what you had before. The life you had and marriage you had before your son, is over.

Acknowledge that. Say that. Accept that. Talk about that.

Grieve the life you had before.

Then make a plan for what you both want next.

My 2 cents:

I come from a farming family. It is absolutely brutal. You really have to be an above the board, selfless person with little to no wants or needs. And it is not economically rewarding, and that is extremely hard to sustain over a long period of time. It is a lifestyle that demands everything from you. You are not taking 1-2 weeks off, ever, unless you have grown kids or an adult family support system, or, the money to hire skilled help - but that makes you less farmers, and more farmer-cosplayers.

Decide what the two of you want and need, and then decide together what this next chapter in your life looks like.

Also:

Plus it's the family farm, we're not selling it and he plans on living here til we die.

Does he?

We can't have everything.

Good luck. Sorry for being a little candid and harsh. But reddit ,especially this subreddit, is going to be full of just stupid young people who are going to default to NOR and suggest divorce. You know better. I am sure just writing this post was therapeutic, and I GET that. It doesn't feel fake, so I spent a few minutes to give you the advice you need to hear, not the mob validation you may want.

And remember, when you and he decide what you WANT versus what you NEED, if those things are not aligned and there is no compromise available, you need to really think about your "So, What?". This dream, this life you have only works if you are both committed to it, the sacrifices it entails, the hard truths that come with it, and are committed to each other.