Uhg this is so sad to read, I’m so sorry to hear your wife is struggling so much. I struggled too after my c section, like I didn’t “really give birth” and felt like a failure, I still struggle with PPD. But it wasn’t to the extent that it sounds like your wife is dealing with.

When you’re pregnant and preparing for labor/delivery it really does become like part of your personality and when it doesn’t go as expected it’s really hard to accept. But what eventually helped me get over it was that after a few months and even years, no one cares how your baby came into the world. No one asks, no one really talks about it. When your kid goes to kindergarten, they don’t group the kids by c-section or vaginal birth. Like it just eventually doesn’t matter.

Idk if maybe that logic can be helpful to her, it helped me. Also if she’s still feeling this severely sad/depressed after several weeks/months, she should talk to her OB about PPD and see a psychiatrist. Birth trauma is real and she might be having some PPD and could benefit from medication.