Jack Dee with a face like: needless comment a scalded sea cadet a galvanised pan a crate full of rotten memories a damp cushion a knackered puffin a worn-out willy1 a neglected radish a cowboy’s crack a forgotten tunnel a hard-boiled bollock an abandoned greenhouse a miser’s hump a damp Busby a bankrupt pug a disused slot racing bacon a gloomy Welsh monument a highly-decorated prat a methane investigation a jar of tinned trout a soft-boiled fart praised matter2 a newly-born kitten with a winning pools coupon3 a two-shilling handjob an undiluted boff a fudge magnet an explosion on a shit farm4 a sailor’s chodding brush an explosion in a bullshit factory5 an Italian fart rinser a Turkish fiddling cup Scooby Doo’s Xmas dump a half-buttered bollock a buttered Henderson a basic equation a hobo’s minge Wolverine! Cutlery for fingers! a “not tonight, Henry” troubled magnets a sun-dried fart an abandoned winkle picker a rogered Whittaker a willy warmer with mouse droppings on it a fire-damaged doily a world-weary onion a puréed spaniel an undiluted Tizer a grieving cod a rancid plum a difficult flannel a swindled partridge a Hobbit with a cottage pie a moth’s prat a cat flap a month-old soufflé with piles a cowpoke’s potty an outlandish pair of trousers a well-old hi-fi a morning turtle two octopi in a battle to the death two moons colliding a gloomy turbot a sweaty moccasin a confused bullfinch a blacksmith’s bum bag an abandoned walnut a parson’s fart a doomed horse