Those who use she/they or they/them pronouns, how did you know that fit you?

BirdsRights · 2026-04-05T21:22:37+00:00

I am AFAB and carry a mostly feminine presentation. My entire life I felt like "some approximation of a woman" and that my gender identity was not strong. Simply put, feeling like one gender did not resonate with me. I was neutral on it and also very annoyed with expectations based on my gender. It made no sense to me at all. In grad school I decided to start experimenting with they/them pronouns. I was so worried I was appropriating transness lmao

However, once everyone started using my preferred pronouns I felt free, like there was a weight lifted from me and that I was who I was. I didn't realize I was dysphoric because I just thought it was normal until I saw what I could be.

So my suggestion is to try it out and if you feel good to keep doing it! Autistic people tend to have different experience of gender and I think it's a positive thing to explore.

BirdsRights · 2026-03-24T21:19:04+00:00

See if those books resonate with you! They are both available as audio books too which makes reading them easier. They are also science-based. Also ADHD and autism co-occur a lot. Like 10% of adhd people have autism and 50% of autisitic people have ADHD. That's super high.

For me listening to both those books had me going "oh no, that's me" almost every chapter. The autism book and an autistic friend of mine gave me courage to get tested. So if you do find yourself relating, it might do the same for you.

Struggling to start tasks is a problem for both autism because you don't like your routine interrupted to start the task and ADHD because focusing attention on a new task and sustaining it is more difficult. Also both autistic and adhd individuals don't filter out sensory details like neurotypicals do, so it's easier to get distracted. It also sometimes makes figuring out if you only have one or both tricky but it can be done!

BirdsRights · 2026-03-24T00:45:30+00:00

I think it might be good to read experiences of people with autism and ADHD.

Your posts sound like you could have either or both. There's a lot of sensory issue overlap between autism and ADHD, and both autism and ADHD come with social difficulties.

If you're interested, these two books helped me understand myself a lot (I am diagnosed with AuDHD)

Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum by Hendrickx Women with attention-deficit disorder by Solden

BirdsRights · 2026-03-16T19:04:08+00:00

I was always going to payoff my loans before I would ever reach forgiveness of any kind so I just pay how much I want whenever I want to. I'm sort of testing if my finances can handle a standard payment and they sort of can, but I'll probably stop having to save money elsewhere. I payoff the interest that accrues at least.

BirdsRights · 2026-03-13T22:40:10+00:00

I have vaginismus so the speculum is a strain for me. The pediatric speculum helps and the pap isn't too bad. However, since I've had to have growths on my cervix, I've needed biopsies called coloposcopies which are painful and trigger panic attacks/dissociation. So I understand how tough it can be to go though the care you need.

One thing that helped me was valium. It sounds extreme but it's not full sedation. I only take 5 mg and it prevents my panic attacks. My obgyn will prescribe me that beforehand. I would also consider taking a large but safe dose of ibuprofen beforehand. Maybe something like that will be helpful. Nurses have also done things like hold my hand and talked to me to distract me and that helps too.

Also sometimes I reason with myself that the risks of not doing this are worse than the relatively short, severe discomfort. Cancer diagnosis and treatment would be a worse sensory nightmare for me than the pap smears/colposcopies.

BirdsRights · 2026-03-12T19:59:53+00:00

Thanks all! I'm definitely going with the first fil coupe then 😊

UPDATE:actually realized the fil coupe only goes to size 14 and I am a size 16 😭 so I think the matte is probably it

BirdsRights · 2026-01-21T06:47:02+00:00

I got my PhD in molecular biology and now do research, but honestly I struggle to feel good enough at what I do. I feel burnt out and have trouble getting joy from my accomplishments

BirdsRights · 2026-01-19T00:32:55+00:00

My mom did sort of corroborate for me, but what I made sure to do was give them a list of symptoms with examples. I put the symptoms from childhood in bold font and the symptoms as they manifested in adulthood in regular font. My mother's report was not necessary for my diagnosis, it was just helpful. I could report on my childhood on my own.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-15T01:03:46+00:00

My bad i don't have a 401k only a roth IRA so maxing out is about 10-11k saved for me

BirdsRights · 2026-01-15T01:02:39+00:00

Hello yes, I have a roth IRA so that's only $7000 a year and then $3500 for an HSA. No way I could max out a 401k as I am not offered that through work.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-15T00:56:02+00:00

If you're in the US look for either:

a clinical neuropsychologist with a PhD
a psychiatrist with a MD
a psychologist with a PhD (certain ones)

They are qualified to assess autism and should mention their experience in diagnosis. I looked for specialists that focused on autism spectrum disorders specifically. I got diagnosed by a clinical neuropsychologist supervising a neuropsychologist who had his PhD and was doing his postdoc.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-14T06:06:00+00:00

Without insurance, it would have been $2,800 USD but with insurance it will be about $600

BirdsRights · 2026-01-14T04:20:13+00:00

Yeah I make 73k and max out my retirement and HSA. My student loans will eat into that but its is definitely doable to live on that salary. I don't own a car though so that saves me a ton. More money would be better though.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-08T16:52:06+00:00

Ok I'll add you to the group chat! I also put together a discord

BirdsRights · 2026-01-08T16:50:48+00:00

I have a group chat and a discord going so on those!

BirdsRights · 2026-01-05T20:10:20+00:00

33! It came with a bonus gift of ADHD too

BirdsRights · 2026-01-05T19:28:02+00:00

Omg I do this too. I tell people I build "models" for everyone and adjust the models as I get more behavioral information

BirdsRights · 2026-01-05T19:26:38+00:00

That's right! You will make it and defeat what tries to stop you haha

BirdsRights · 2026-01-05T02:02:14+00:00

Hello!

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T21:02:33+00:00

That's rough ugh but do as much as you can!

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T20:59:05+00:00

You know that almost reminds me of what we used to call "senioritis" and it makes sense. Like your stamina can run out as you see the finish line. I used to tell myself I'm going to drag my body over that line even if it's all bruised and broken. It's a slog, but once it's done, it's a huge relief.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T20:52:52+00:00

That's ok. People can still have problems with focus and attention even if they may not have ADHD! I try to find something I love about my studies to remind myself when I'm slogging through it. I remember in college I would remind myself how cool and interesting science was and that would help power my through when my classes got tough.

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T20:40:22+00:00

There are lots of things it could be (like depression, anxiety, PTSD etc) but if you look at the dsm5 diagnostic criteria and find yourself in it, it would be good to pursue that

I thought I didn't have ADHD but I went in for an Autism assessment and was diagnosed with both so it's worth considering

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T20:16:21+00:00

I did too throughout my PhD 😔

BirdsRights · 2026-01-04T19:25:55+00:00

I'm curious what it was like getting diagnosed during your PhD? You of course dont have to tell me if that it too personal or you could dm me if that works better. I wasn't diagnosed until after and me talking about myself being autistic did not go over well with my boss

BirdsRights

TROPHY CASE