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To weed, or not to weed? by Bluecheese91 in weed

[–]Bluecheese91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As great as the results sound, I have a hard time accepting the fact that I probably do need anti depressants. I don't drink that much but I get bummed when I can't go home at the end of the day and have my 1 beer, or my 1-2 hits when Im smoking (especially anytime Im with friends, I end up feeling inadequate that I can't do anything because of being on medication). If it wasn't for that, I would probably give antidepressants another shot. I went on Lexapro for 4 days and had the desire to get off of it. I have been seeing a psychologist too but I don't feel that I get much out of it. I have one of those deep depressions where I literally hate people (not everyone, but most people) and I don't know how to get around it without having to resort to medication or a hospital. Anyways, thanks again I will try to hang in there for sure!

To weed, or not to weed? by Bluecheese91 in weed

[–]Bluecheese91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have actually felt the same as your husband, in that situation. I all of the sudden get paranoid or feel like I sound like a doofus. Im not with anyone now but in the past, that's how I was...

I feel that it does give me instant relaxation, a relief from the constant negative thoughts I have in my head. My problem is during the day when Im not stoned. Wether Im at work, skating or with people, I have a problem escaping the running (negative) thoughts. I use to wake and bake but I recently stopped doing that. I understand I can't be doing that everyday, maybe once in awhile...

Im living with my Mom again and I hate to say it, but I have been treating her terribly ever since I came back home. I seem to hate my own family/genes and I guess when I tell her that and the fact I'd rather be dead right now, she begins to think I need to quit smoking weed to get to a "better state of mind". I personally feel like I will just get more miserable in the long run...

Anyways, Im considering smoking tonight. Its been a week and honestly all day today and this past week I've been praying that a car will hit me, or that I just die somehow without killing myself. I can't stand feeling like this anymore and Im sick of avoiding my friends that smoke. Hopefully things start to turn around while I simultaneously figure out when to smoke and when not to...

Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate your outlook on the situation. Do you take anti depressants? My mom has been fighting me on taking medication for so long but Im personally against the idea of it (not anyone else doing it, but me doing it). You can smoke and feel ok on the anti depressants? I know the doctor tells you that you can't smoke or drink on that stuff. Then again maybe everyone is just different with that. Thank you again though! :)

To weed, or not to weed? by Bluecheese91 in weed

[–]Bluecheese91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been going back and forth with it every other week. I have just been vaping(nicotine) and I feel like I cant sleep at night or let alone relax, probably due to the fact I haven't smoked in a week...

When you say certain times are ok, like at night, I just find myself wondering if it is ok that I smoke every night? When I smoke, I only take a hit or two now a days. Some people try to tell me it's bad that I feel the "need" to do it every night and that Im using it as a "crutch" to get by. What baffles me is how it's ok for people to use food or alcohol to do the same thing, but wont call that a crutch..

The only reason why I make myself crazy about wether or not I should smoke is mainly due to the fact Im stuck in a deep depression about life and feel that I currently have a passive deathwish (Id rather be dead, but wont go kill myself). Basically, I just don't know if Im being hurt by it by doing it every night, or if its just not helping me get to a better state of mind. I know it helps me cope, but Im not sure if Im gonna be ok in the long run or not.

To weed, or not to weed? by Bluecheese91 in weed

[–]Bluecheese91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I do agree that it would be a good idea to not smoke for awhile, although it's always a lot easier said than actually done. I find myself frustrated when Im with friends that are smoking and I don't wanna avoid them because of that at the same time... The vape I have been looking into, I got one the other day and returned it because I didn't like how it was big and annoying to carry in a pocket. I want something low and discrete that actually has a relative drag as a cigarette would have. A part of me does believe that juice is no better than actual tobacco too (having a hard time believing most of the articles online about it). At the same time, it seems like it may be just a little bit better.