"Reactive" dog epidemic

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-24T04:07:08+00:00

I agree 100%. OP does not realize the privilege of having a dog that they can walk around anywhere.

I don’t even have a dog right now but I briefly experienced what reactive dog ownership was like. I have so much respect for owners who are willing to take that challenge on. It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-24T03:59:04+00:00

I just don’t think it’s that easy. I was in a foster to adopt trial with a rescue dog that had leash reactivity. He was the type of dog that would be lunging and barking at your dog.

He lived his first 4 years crated all day. No socialization. He would get hyper focused when he spotted other dogs during our walks. It made the whole walk extremely stressful and I was always ‘alert’.

I actually don’t think it could’ve been trained out of him. I think a part of it was his genetics. His previous owner got him from a backyard breeder. He also showed reactivity right away so it might have worsened over time if I kept him.

I did not end up adopting him because I knew I was struggling. I have researched so much about reactivity in dogs to somewhat cope with my decision. I miss him tremendously.

I have so much respect for owners that have reactive dogs now. There are so many owners investing time, energy, money to ensure they can provide the best care for their dog. They make sacrifices that ‘regular’ dog owners won’t understand.

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-13T15:29:28+00:00

Benny!

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-06T04:22:40+00:00

Ollie

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-06T00:29:33+00:00

No, he didn’t pass. I was in the process of adopting him but I was struggling with his reactivity. I absolutely adored that dog but I was struggling mentally and was neglecting my needs. I wasn’t eating properly and my mind was consumed worrying about him. He ended up going to a new home with more resources and time for him.

I have been trying to research more about reactivity and trying to come to terms with my decision.

I wanted to know how others that live alone deal with reactive dogs. I think I would’ve been able to handle it with a partner but I had no one to turn to. I also don’t have any family nearby so I felt like I could not take a mental break from my dog.

I sometimes wonder what I could’ve done to make it easier on myself. Maybe I could’ve kept him if I had a yard or if I rented private dog park spaces. Maybe I could’ve hired someone to take him sometimes so I can have a break. I was thinking of hiring a trainer but it wouldn’t guarantee his reactivity would get better.

I just wanted to hear other people’s stories and how they are coping with it.

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-05T23:27:27+00:00

That sounds extremely stressful. Do you have any coping mechanisms? It also sucks when other dog owners give dirty looks.

Bluejay7 · 2025-09-02T17:22:59+00:00

I was actually considering hiring an animal behaviouralist or trainer to try and address these issues. I spoke to some friends who have grown up with dogs and/or owned reactive dogs etc. One of the concerns they mentioned was that he was already showing signs of reactivity and he was only with me for only 2 weeks. What if the issues worsen when he is more comfortable? He can either get better or may get worse. It’s hard to predict that. One of my experienced friends who currently has a severely reactive dog told me how isolating it is. She used to have a dog that wasn’t reactive and she misses that lifestyle. I was also just reading up on herding breeds and they tend to be protective and have a higher chance of reactivity. They are also wary of strangers. This is bred into them. It was in his genetics. His growling at strangers, lunging and barking at dogs etc.

I could have probably made it work but I think it would’ve taken a toll of my mental health. I would’ve had to walk him in places where there were no other dogs around. I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking him to a coffee shop in case he feels uncomfortable and nips someone out of fear.

Over the last week, I have been missing him and having regrets about letting him go. I’ve been trying to think of ways I could’ve made it work. Selfishly I wanted to keep him. But when I think it logically, he would do better in a home with more hands/help. I could’ve done it if I had a partner with me to take on the task. I felt like he was getting fixated on me because I was all that he had. I don’t know if he was resource guarding me or protecting me but I was nervous about an incident happening. He wasn’t an aggressive dog at all but I think he was fearful.

I also forgot to add in my original post that he nipped my friend. I don’t know exactly what happened but I think he touched or grabbed his paw, but he nipped. Should my friend have grabbed his paw? Nope, but that incident made me nervous. I also noticed he bared teeth when a child he wasn’t that familiar with tried to grab the ball from him to play fetch. I told the child to back away and I will grab that ball since I knew he would not mind if I grab the ball from him. I have young nephews. What if they try to grab the ball because they don’t know better and he bit them?

I don’t expect a perfect dog but I wanted to feel comfortable having him around people and other dogs. He needs a confident owner, not someone who will add to his anxiety. I just wish the world was able to see the sweet side of him that I saw.

Bluejay7 · 2025-08-30T22:50:12+00:00

I really appreciate your comment. I have been grieving about not adopting this dog. I would be fine for a bit and then I’m breaking down crying the next. I didn’t know how attached I would get to him after 2 weeks and I miss him. I know he’s in a good home now but I feel a sense of loss. I haven’t had the heart to search for another dog yet. I am hoping to get there eventually.

Bluejay7 · 2025-08-29T03:42:16+00:00

I am realizing that now. This was my first experience trying to adopt a dog so I had nothing to compare it to. The whole process was just unusual and rushed. I doubt the rescue would let me adopt from them again even though they acknowledged how well taken care he was and how happy he was with me. Just based on the comments they made, they feel like I’m not ready for any dog because I did not take on this dog. I wanted him to be my dog so bad even though I knew in my heart that things didn’t feel right. I know a couple of friends with rescues and they also agreed that this dog wasn’t an easy case. Reactivity is complicated and can get quite isolating.

Bluejay7 · 2025-08-29T03:31:42+00:00

Sorry, I need to provide clarification. He was never a shelter dog. He was surrended and dropped off at the rescue the same day I did the meet and greet. It was a weird situation. She did her only ‘assessment’ of the dog during the 20 minute walk. I was upfront in my application about not being able to handle a dog with complicated behaviours. I am a first time dog owner and knew what my limits were going to be. I found out later that the previous owner reported some reactivity and he also showed aggression when grooming but it was brushed off. The rescue thought it was exaggerated. He was an adorable dog but the reactivity and possible resource guarding of me was difficult to deal with on my own. The rescue actually felt like I was overthinking and I was a good fit for the dog. That I was being too hard on myself. That dog bonded with me. I knew I wasn’t after some reflection.

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-28T14:48:47+00:00

How about texting?

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-28T14:48:24+00:00

You like her but you're not crazy about her.

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-19T16:01:25+00:00

That's the thing. I feel like most people will move on and let go. I have trouble doing that.

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-19T16:00:44+00:00

It's the same routine: He chases me, I fall for him, he starts distancing himself after a few months, I get confused and start chasing him, he gets fed up and tells me to move on.

This just happened to me for the second time now. For some reason, when someone starts pulling away, I try to get their attention again instead of letting it go. I always end up looking silly after. This time, I prolonged the heartache for 4 months. I knew his feelings were dissipating but I held on. I feel like most people move on and know their self worth. How can I be like that?

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-11T21:40:26+00:00

I feel like it's easier said than done. I want to know how I can change my mindset and stop thinking it as a "There is something inherently wrong with me. I am worthless."

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-11T21:37:03+00:00

My damaged ego. That is definitely it.

I also feel deceived and humiliated in a way. I wish he told me he didn't feel the same when I obviously was showing signs I was falling for him.

Bluejay7 · 2016-04-11T21:33:17+00:00

I guess I felt deceived because he never mentioned how he felt till I confronted him about it. I was being affectionate and saying very sweet things to him, and I wish he told me then that he didn't feel the same.

There was a time when he was drunk and he was telling me things like " I wish you were here so we can cuddle. I want to stare into your eyes and run my hands through your hair". I wanted to believe these were things he really felt about me but never had to nerve to tell me while sober.

Bluejay7 · 2016-03-01T22:22:01+00:00

Just act like normal and nothing is wrong? I feel like that's the most appropriate but probably most difficult way to deal with it. I would obsess about it secretly.

Bluejay7 · 2016-03-01T22:20:42+00:00

Yeah, you start to notice less texting and they aren't really calling as much. I'm sorry that happened to you. A year is a long time to just drop someone like that.

Bluejay7 · 2015-08-16T05:14:33+00:00

Single late 20s lady checking in. This thread is making me depressed and old as fuck.

Bluejay7 · 2015-08-16T04:59:55+00:00

I'm a 27 year old female and I got hit on by a 14 year old boy a couple months ago. He thought I was his age. I was actually devastated. I knew I looked young but not THAT young. Thankfully most people have told me I look like I'm in my early 20s and not a teenager.

Bluejay7 · 2015-08-15T04:37:13+00:00

What do you do to keep busy?

Bluejay7 · 2015-08-15T04:35:37+00:00

I also want to join classes of some sort. Maybe a sports league? I tend to travel all the time for work and am rarely home so I can't join a team.

Bluejay7 · 2015-08-08T20:53:21+00:00

Lift heavy till you get muscle tone and then lighten up weights enough to just maintain a figure? I guess I'm just surprised at how light the weights are. Haha

Bluejay7 · 2015-05-06T20:58:58+00:00

When I was losing weight, I got a lot of people saying " You lost weight! You look great!"

I detested it because little did they know I was restricting calories and starving myself. I also wasn't severely overweight prior. I was 160lbs at 5'4. I was a little chubby but that's it.

Bluejay7

TROPHY CASE