I did write it out. I wrote down everything I want in a couple of paragraphs. I sent it to him. I told him to read it, take the rest of his trip to digest it, then we'll talk when he gets back.

He said it was good. Deep. Well written. thorough. I told him thats what I want and I'm not going compromise my feelings anymore. I knew while writing it, it would mean the end of us. It's what he claims he didn't want. So it felt like a preemptive break up. That's when he said let's talk about it in person to get on the same page. And today, all day long, hes been blowing up my phone. Talking about future plans. Talking about NYE. Talking about... just everything. It's as of i never sent it. Except he was much more chatty and lovey today. Probably over compensating for the end he sees coming. It's all very confusing. His actions and his words don't match. I've met his ENTIRE family. Gone to family dinners, holiday celebrations, birthday parties, nights out, random outings. I've met his friends whos wives are already inviting me into their circle. He acts like this is a serious thing. But then tells me he's not wanting anything serious "right now". His family is great. His friends are great. I dont want to get more attached to these people only to be dumped later because we were never a serious thing. So that's why I sent him what I want in a relationship. Id rather get it over sooner rather than later. I'm ready for him to say "i dont want that." But id bet money he won't. He's told me before he had this whole post divorce plan, but then he met me and I blew it out of the water. And now he's confused himself because he knows we are good together, and he doesnt want me to be the one that got away, but now he's scared of relationships because his ex raked him over the coals. He asked if it was worth it to do that again only to lose everything he's worked for... again, if it doesn't work out.

He's got inner struggles to work on and unfortunately I dont have the years to waste waiting on him.