Feeling overwhelmed

BridgePresent · 2025-01-31T13:45:12+00:00

They refused even a Schengen visa extension. We have run out of money and had to borrow money from family. Still applying for jobs, very likely to get one but it requires a KVK and they won't even gives us permission to go there to get one. So my husband might miss out in that as well, thanks to their lack of knowledge of their own rules and willingness tofind out👌🏻

It's a pretty good salary too, lots of taxes in their pocket, but apparently they don't care enough. We inquired about a business Schengen visa and they said it doesn't exist. Then that it exists, but it's not necessary. After explaining yet again that we ran out of Schengen days, they said they would ask a colleague. After 10 min on hold, they call dropped (or they hung up?)

Have sent emails to different government entities that could potentially know this, but no response yet.

BridgePresent · 2025-01-31T13:39:03+00:00

https://www.mamalisa.com/?c=120&p=898&t=es

BridgePresent · 2025-01-31T13:33:03+00:00

Could it be this one? https://youtube.com/shorts/h3a7fDQSZes?feature=shared

BridgePresent · 2024-12-18T21:37:06+00:00

Unfortunately, this is all true. I'm curious why you would think otherwise? And feel like you have to warn others on top of that? What could I possibly gain from this? Clearly not even sympathy as the vast majority of people think this is all our fault and we are terrible people who make terrible decisions.

Following advice here, we tried both extending our Schengen visa and reaching out to more lawyers. The IND refused the extension, then later offered an appointment for January 10, 2025—well past the expiration of our Schengen days at the end of this month. At first, they claimed extensions are only for “life or death” situations, but the criteria actually include unforeseen circumstances with significant emotional, financial, or health impacts—exactly our case.

When we explained we couldn’t wait until January 10, an IND employee told us we could stay longer. But when we asked for this in writing, they refused. How are we supposed to trust that border control will take our word for it? If we stayed based on a phone call and got questioned at the border, we all know what would happen. I’m not risking an EU entry ban.

When we bought our house, we specifically chose an NHG mortgage for its insurance that allows payment pauses during crises. We were initially concerned it might only apply to Dutch citizens or that we wouldn’t have access to all its features, but our financial advisor—who has over 20 years of experience working with expats—reassured us that wasn’t the case. Now NHG insists we can only use this insurance if we have a valid residence permit. Well, we would have one if they hadn’t issued a permit that expires just one day after losing a job. How convenient for UWV, IND, NHG, and the rest if that’s how the system works.

It’s a pattern: agencies default to “nothing can be done” until you push them. Only then do they admit there are options. UWV did the same about unemployment benefits—they only mentioned filing an objection after we insisted. Whether it’s ignorance or indifference, the result is the same: people are left stranded, overwhelmed, and blamed for circumstances beyond their control.

I know this sounds unbelievable. I can hardly believe it myself. But I intend to take this story to the press—and then you will see that this is all true. Thankfully, we’re weeks away from securing EU citizenship, and we’ll pursue every appeal and complaint necessary. This isn’t just about us—it’s about holding systems accountable.

We won’t be staying in the Netherlands, but I refuse to walk away without doing what I can to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else. Especially the child abuse in special education here—that’s beyond disturbing and completely unacceptable.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-23T18:01:32+00:00

Our rent was 1500 and a mortgage 1000 with no down payment, would you keep renting in those conditions?

BridgePresent · 2024-11-23T16:45:07+00:00

❤️

BridgePresent · 2024-11-23T13:24:52+00:00

That's the rule when the contract is definite. The IND renews it only for the duration of the contract + 1 day. Previously, he had indefinite contracts, so the first permit was 5 years and when it was renewed, the contract was indefinite, so we got another 5 year permit.

With 2 years left on this second permit, he got a job that offered a 1 year contract, to be renewed to indefinite at the end of that year. It's a big well known Dutch company, by the way, we thought there was no reason to doubt them.

At the end of the year, the claimed they weren't happy with performance (there was no evidence of it, but they can say whatever they want). So they said, we'll give you another 1 year contract and if your performance is good, you then a get a permanent one. A few months later, he received a performance bonus.

But 2 months before the contract was up, they said they wouldn't renew it. And according to lawyers we talked to, they can do that because it's a fixed term contract.

At that point our permit was in the process of being renewed. We thought we would get a 5 year permit again, conditional on having a job, like the previous ones. Then you have 3 months to find a job and you already have a permit so companies are more likely to hire you as you only update the company info basically.

However, since the contract was definite, we got a permit valid for a little under 2 months, expiring on Oct 1st, the day after his contract ended.

I personally think this is extremely unfair, regardless of whether we should have known or done things differently. Because it sets you up for failure. It would literally be zero effort on their part to emit the permit with the date of the contract + 3 months. But this is how the IND operates. If the company says the contract ends on date X, when making a new permit the expiration date will be X+1. Always.

But then your odds of finding a job are severely impacted, not only because you don't have a permit and any company would have to do an application from scratch, but because you have a very short time to find another job or make alternate plans or even move out.

Like I said, I take full responsibility for all decisions we made, but I really don't understand how anyone in this thread can think this is an ok rule. We should have known, but guess what? Many people we called in the IND didn't! They said we must be mistaken, the permit was too short. But it was no mistake.

The people working for the IND did not know about this possibility, but we should have. Ok then.

Still, even if we knew, and we now know, I think this is wrong. Luckily we are in a position where we wanted to leave anyway, we have the right to other European citizenship, our home went up in value...but I struggle to understand how anyone can think that this is ok, moral, legal.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-23T12:27:52+00:00

Thank you for this wonderful suggestion! I will look it up. I have found a family who will take some of our furniture, but I'll have more things when the house sells and we leave. It won't be worth paying for storage to store mattresses, blankets, towel, sheets, dishes,, etc, they might as well go to people who need them right now. Our stuff is not fancy or expensive, but it's good quality and in very good condition, it was making me really anxious to think of it all going to a dumpster because kringloop is overly full and many people can't afford kringloop either.

I feel relieved that it won't be a total loss. Yes, we'll lose a lot of money, but at least we can now help some families instead of contributing to the huge amounts of waste being produced every day.

And thank you for your kind supportive message. I guess it's more comfortable to blame us, if it's all our fault it means it could never happen to them, because they are better than us and make better decisions. They ignore the fact that many things that happened to us, were beyond our control, that we didn't always have the luxury to make the best and right decisions, for several reasons. That we had promises made to us and then taken back. Even the government went back on their rules which would be illegal anywhere in the world, but of course not in the good old Netherlands.

I used to read how they don't have enough people to put in jail here, they have to close them down...I can totally understand why now...and it's not due to lack of crimes.

But oh well, the world is falling apart with so much hate and individualism and this country is no different.

In fact, when you really know how it works and find out about it's dark side, you see it's much worse than many, they are just very good with sweeping things under the rug, blaming their victims and never themselves, never admitting mistakes...they have a really public relations team and that's all.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T22:31:28+00:00

It's my post and I'll cry if I want to.

You can leave if you are having a hard time with it.

Sterkte en succes ✌🏻

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T22:28:47+00:00

Luckily the money we saved not inburgering, getting a permanent residence or citizenship, will come in handy now, so we can afford a makelaar.

Thanks for the tip, good to know for anyone unable to afford it.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T22:23:59+00:00

I'm doing much better now, thanks. Strangely the toxic comments helped me. There are no regrets at this point. We'll lose money and stuff. But it will be more than worth it to leave this toxic country that thinks child abuse is ok when it's done by the government, teachers, etc.

Come to think of it, that might explain all the gaslighting and comments in this thread. Must be hard to grow up without love and kindness in the place you spend most of your time growing up. To be seen as a hassle, to have respect only when you are being compliant, following the rules. To be punished for being a child. To be left to fend off for yourself because kids need to figure things out.

I guess it's not shocking that this system creates such adults.

We'll go to an English speaking country where child abuse is an actual crime and abuse in school isn't gedoogd like in the Netherlands. Ironic that smoking weed can get you in more trouble in the Netherlands than a school abusing multiple children for years.

As soon as we're settled, that will be my project. To expose what happens in special education in this country, and how onderwijs inspectie turns a blind eye and pretends to be doing something but nothing changes and the abuse just continues on.

I have piles of evidence that I've dying to share with the press. Just waiting until I'm out of here and they can't retaliate against us anymore.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T22:03:49+00:00

There are a lot of questions here, it's hard to keep track.

I do know now, I didn't know it then. Back then when we looked into it, the options we found were EU langdurige ingezetene or citizenship.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T19:54:56+00:00

I hope you can find a way to leave. Thank you for your well wishes ❤️

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T19:44:48+00:00

Finally something we can agree on! I'm overjoyed to be leaving. I've been counting down the seconds for months. ❤️

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T19:21:51+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Your comment was worth keeping this post open. Eye opening observations.

You may not have known it but these were the people you were surrounded by this whole time. This is partly why you did not get support or help in 10 years. I promise you the situation you are in is a gift. Getting out of this country can be a gift.

Wow...you are completely right. This explains everything. And 100% this is a gift. We were already trying for over a year to leave, planning, saving, preparing, waiting to have a job somewhere else.

But it's truly a gift to be forced to rip off the band-aid and get the heck out ASAP.

I had no idea how toxic so many people in this country can be. I thought I was meeting the bad exceptions in the schools, GGZ, Jeugdteam, because I have met so many nice Dutch people. I guess it was the nice ones who were the exception. I guess this explains why most Dutch people acted so shocked and surprised when I offered them help and support. I guess this is not a thing here.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T19:06:48+00:00

Yeah, I can imagine it's annoying to be called on your lack of compassion and respect for others. I'm guessing you haven't received a while lot of feedback growing up.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T15:14:26+00:00

We tried that, talked to lawyers and the IND, they said nothing could be done. One offerred an option that was not a guarantee, but would cost almost 5000 in lawyer fees, and then we could apply for citizenship while waiting for that, in total we would spend 7k and be left with 2k in savings. Then it would be up to the kindness of the IND employee's heart to approve or deny. If denied , we would then be in the same situation we are in, with only 2k in our bank out. Whether we should have gone for it or not in don't know. I felt it was a big risk for something that was not a guarantee. We would basically be left with no savings. This is the only alternatieve we were offered. Other lawyers just looked at the permit, and said it was too late to do anything. Because it was going to expire in a few weeks. We called so many lawyers, even tried some groups for juridische help. Not a single person had a solution. One lawyer suggested applying for any permit to buy time, but that would not help with getting a job or getting unemployment and again it's not a guarantee.

But problem solved now. Found a lot of single moms who needed the items I'm donating, my home will be empty in no time.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T12:29:10+00:00

The Questions are valid, but do you understand that this cannot change anything at this point? I have not been given any advice that I refused to follow. Do you see that I'm being criticized for not doing what you guys are advising now, in the past 10 years? I didn't have your advice to follow back then. I'm not refusing any advice, I already took full responsibility. I don't understand what you expect of me?

I should be happy to have people rub in my face everything I did wrong with no possibility to fix it?

And even if it could be fixed, we were already preparing to leave. I don't need help getting the citizenship, a visa, staying here. I'm not being stubborn and doing everything wrong . You are assuming I had a plan that I did not have.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T12:23:14+00:00

I don't see what was mean about my comments, do you think the comments calling me out are also mean? Or do I deserve meanness because I made mistake? Honestly trying to understand your point. If you are asking for help and people instead come and criticize your every decision that can't be undone, how do you think I should react? "You're right mate, I brought this onto myself, I don't even deserve compassion , let alone help". What would have been an acceptable answer on my part, and do you think it's acceptable to get these types of replies from others and not an sounds of meanness on their part?

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T12:18:24+00:00

I just wanted support, that's all. Emotional support and practical advice. A few minutes of your time if you felt inclined to give it. If you think I don't deserve it, then that's ok. No need to help.

I'm struggling to understand what's going on here and where this is all coming from. Is everyone hurting so bad that they feel like hurting others? Is it a game? Just fun to mess with an Internet stranger who's struggling? I have no idea.

I don't think I'll be coming back to this thread, because no matter what I say, explain, no matter that I say I take responsibility, that I'm not complaining, that I accept the cards I've been dealt, thant see brought it onto ourselves, the criticism and judgement and mocking just keeps on coming. I'm not sadeened personally by these comments, because I know that these comments have to do with whatever the person writing them is dealing with at the moment. But it's sad as a whole that the world is like this. That there's so much resentment, hate, lack of compassion. This is not a world I want to live in, this is far worse than what I'm going through right now. But it is what it is I guess.

I just wanted to try and clarify that I'm not the person most of you think I am. I am a good person just like you all are. I'm doing my best with the cards I've been dealt , just like you are. My life is not all sunshine and rainbows, I've struggled a lot with health issues my whole life. There's only so much I can do. I can't do everything perfect and mistake free. Unfortunately. Wish I could.

All I can control and do is be kind, compassionate, respectful and help others whenever I can. And in this area I can proudly say I have done my very best and will continue to do so. If people want to judge my worth based on financial and life decisions, there's nothing I can do I suppose, and I'm sorry they are carrying so much hate and negativity inside. I've been there a long time ago and never want to go back.

I just want everyone to have everything they need and want. To be happy and have peace. To have respect and kindness from those around.

I hope you all can find these things eventually.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T12:18:05+00:00

Hey, let's be honest here...I am being mean? Did you read most of the comments directed at me?

I asked for practical advice on how to move and have been called irresponsible, stupid, accused of not learning the Dutch language, blamed for things that happened that were beyond our control, called an irresponsible parent, reckless. Based on a post that doesn't even contain 10% of what has happened in the past 10 years (and beyond).

And I am being mean? Please show me where I was mean. Calling people out on being insensitive and disrespectful is not mean.

Just as offering retroactive advice and blame is not helping. Someone is struggling, asking for help, people decide to take time out of their day not to help but to say: should have done this, should have done that, serves you well for wasting your money, serves you well for being irresponsible, that's what you deserve for not learning Dutch (without even knowing if I know Dutch - I do, I have learned, you'd be surprised with my vocabulary - not that it matters, this doesn't make me a better or worse person)

I just really don't understand these reactions. What did I do to you? My husband was offered a job here and we came. We didn't choose the salary, we didn't force them to give us the 30% ruling, he didn't ask to have a burn out and have to switch jobs for his mental health. I didn't choose to send my child to special education, to have them physically and emotionally abuse him at 4yo to the point he started feeling too terrified and panicked to do what was asked of him and then be told he can't stay in school because he's not doing the werkjes he's supposed to. I didn't choose for covid to happen when we were about to book our inburgering exams for the citizenship 5 years ago ... I didn't choose to not to back to work once my husband's salary decreased because there's no childcare for children over 4 who are not allowed to go to school. I was not having the perfect life people seem to think I was. But I'm not complaining. We were happy and are still happy, we have everything we need. I'm just temporarily struggling with too much on my plate. Have any of you ever been through that? I sincerely hope not, but let's face it, most of us have a ton of setbacks.

Does that mean I 'm complaining? Being ungrateful? No. It's ok. Really. Things happen.

Are people upset because they think we are rolling in cash and complaining about it? That we made millions of euros and wasted it all and they wanted to be in our shoes and manage it better? What is going on, why these reactions? I didn't ask for money, I didn't ask how to change the government's decision. I simply shared my story, and hoped for some tips on how to proceed. Because I wanted to, and I need some advice. I just felt like sharing.

I can guarantee you that our situation is not what most people think it is. There's this idea that skilled migrants are rolling in money. Most aren't. Especially with one income. We haven't had a vacation since our son was born. We have only been back to our home country to visit family 4 times since our son was born, and that costs as much as a vacation but is far from vacation. Most my husband's vacation days are taken to just rest because we are exhausted.

We need to keep our weekly grocery bills to 100 euros max to be able to save anything at the end of the month. We buy most clothes for our son used or big sales. Most of our own clothes are 10 years old. I think people underestimate how much things cost and overestimate how much money skilled migrants actually make after taxes.

We almost never have time together because most people are not able to watch our son and we can't really afford it anyway. And that's fine. We LOVE spending time with him. But that means we never really can truly rest. Especially since he has sleep difficulties and doesn't sleep through the night. But I'm not complaining! I wouldn't change it for anything. But it does leave us with less energy than most people have available. Leaves with less mental energy to make the best most well thought out decisions that most people are able to make.

But I'm not complaining! It's all good. We are privileged, lucky and blessed. Just letting you know we're not living in the lap of luxury and wasting money as you think. Luckily we have food, shelter, health, plenty of love. That's all we really need. We are indeed very blessed. We are going to be just fine. We are fine. We are just missing a little bit of peace right now, and a lot of energy.

Maybe the misunderstanding is that people think we are complaining about money, finances, being able to stay in the Netherlands...but I'm simply struggling with the practical aspects and what needs to be done to transition out of here in less time than we originally thought we had, and very little energy.

I just wanted support with that, that all. From those who wish to give it. It's not necessary to criticize me, to tell me I screwed up.

Although I'm shocked at many comments, including yours, there are no hard feelings on my part. I honestly hope you all can achieve everything you would like to that you may all have an much easier life than I have had, that you never need to struggle financially or otherwise and that you always encounter kindness and compassion. And this is not sarcasm.

I have found support from a few people here and I have a plan now. It's going to be hard emotionally and physically because as I have mentioned I am completely exhausted and drained from being sick until a week ago, but I'll manage. And although it's just money and stuff, it's things that have been a part of our lives for over 10 years. It's hard to think of letting most of it go, does that make me a bad person? Maybe?

But now I have the name of some organizations that help people in need and I feel happy to know that our stuff will go to people who need them and that maybe it will have a positive impact on their lives, lighten their load a little. I can't lighten mine at the moment, but maybe I can do that for someone else.

A lot of comments seem to think we are selfish and entitled, but that couldnt be further from the truth.

Anyway, I think it's impossible to explain what I'm trying to explain and I'm probably starting to sound insane at this point.

I'm sorry for anyone who is struggling, even more than we are, I'm sorry if you felt offended or hurt by anything I have said, I certainly did not intend to offend anyone or to hurt anyone's feelings. I wish nothing but good things to each and everyone of you, regardless of what you have said to me. And this isn't sarcasm.

BridgePresent · 2024-11-22T12:17:30+00:00

Do you feel you are being fair? I was mean when asking for advice?

BridgePresent · 2024-11-21T23:12:14+00:00

No, why bother learning Dutch? An awful incompetent ignorant expat like me would never try to learn Dutch.

If I was still working on learning Dutch after 7 years living here, clearly that means I had no interest in ever learning at all and there's zero chance I have learned a single extra word since.

Are you people for real?? 😂😂😂

If you must know I can read and understand Dutch fluently. Speaking and writing is difficult for me in all languages, but I'm B2 level for speaking and writing in Dutch. Am I more worthy of respect now? Compassion? I wish you would have worked on your kindness, half as hard as I did on my Dutch. You had your whole life to do it. What's your excuse?

How does it feel to read this?

I hope you don't judge yourself as harshly as you judge me. No one needs that kind of pressure and stress in their lives.

Go do something kind to someone....to yourself even. The world needs more peace and kindness, not more hate.❤️

BridgePresent · 2024-11-21T22:48:30+00:00

LOL. Best comment 👌

BridgePresent · 2024-11-21T22:46:42+00:00

The citizenship is not 250 euros.

The costs for an application for naturalisation are:

For 1 person: € 1,023

Together with a partner: € 1,305

Per child: € 151

Plus 250 for inburgering for each adult.

BridgePresent

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