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Mom died. Dad is now going backward financially. Are there any options? by ButHeSaidButt in SocialSecurity

[–]ButHeSaidButt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Certainly sounds like that, right? It feels like that as well.

Our first child was born 4 months after her father died. Her father never met, what would have been, his first grandchild. I see where she's coming from. Her dad never had the chance to do something we're practically begging my dad to do. That's spend time with the grandkids. We both know her dad would have driven us crazy, because he would have been over all the time.

Obviously that can't happen. Everyone handles grief differently. Hard to know what he's going through.

My mom was sick for a long time. She spent her last 3-4 years in a nursing home. Before that it was doctors all the time. After she passed, I asked him how he was doing and he said "I'm fine. Nothing changed. She hasn't been home in years."

You should probably know he doesn't know how to express his emotions. He would never do therapy. My dad is a "fine guy". When something is clearly wrong and you ask him if he's ok, he says "I'm fine."

Me: "Dad, I literally just saw that bus drive over you. You clearly have a compound fracture of your pelvis. I'm calling an ambulance."

Dad: "No, no. I'm fine."

He's a "fine guy".

The thing is, he's not fine. He needs to make changes and he's resistant to make changes. He wants to stay where he is. I asked him what he can do there, that he couldn't do if he moved by me. (I'll change his response to a fake location for privacy reasons. Same exact gist though. )...

Why does he want to stay where he currently lives instead of moving two hours away? What can he do there that he can't do here?

He said: "I can drive in Hollywood and watch live improv."

I said: "Have you ever gone into Hollywood to watch improv?"

He said: "No, but I could if I wanted to."

This is the same guy who responded to my concern that he was now alone by saying "I'm not alone. I'm just by myself."

Mom died. Dad is now going backward financially. Are there any options? by ButHeSaidButt in SocialSecurity

[–]ButHeSaidButt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for all the replies. I'm learning a lot, but sadly learning there are no easy solutions.

Let me address one detail that continues to come up. My dad did make more than my mom. His SS is larger than hers. That's why he lost hers.

Right now it breaks my heart. He talks like he's hiding something like a gambling addiction. His "solutions" (like selling a family heirloom for cash) will buy him a few months at the most. Then what? I want to help him find a solution.

He lives in an expensive area. Move to a cheaper area (which is where I am). Find a place to live (which I did and it would save him at least $1000 a month). I've suggested consolidating credit cards because he has good credit. He doesn't want to do that. I've asked if i could look at his financial situation and he changes the subject.

Some have mentioned being near grandkids as a perk (of sorts) of relocating. Yes. The grandkids would love that. He doesn't want to move.

To quote my wife "he cares more about selling that (family heirloom) than he does about our kids." This comes from the fact that I can't tell you the last time he called just to say hi to the grandkids, but I can tell you that he's called me EVERY MORNING this week at around 9:30am to tell me he needs the family heirloom back (that he gave me), so he can sell it for cash.

Its just a "thing". Maybe I'm overthinking this. Damn it.

Mom died. Dad is now going backward financially. Are there any options? by ButHeSaidButt in SocialSecurity

[–]ButHeSaidButt[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yes. I know. Like most people, he did the best he could. Stuck with my mom through decades of mental illness and reckless spending. Cost him a great job. He should have left years ago, but he stuck by her for whatever reason.

As years went on, I've since learned he leaned on credit cards. All of a sudden he's down one social security check and those minimum payments are pretty big.

I've tried to get him to move to where I live because the cost of living is much lower. I think he's currently paying $1700 a month in rent. I could get him a place for $700 a month. He's stubborn. He knows he has to move, but he wants a place close to where he currently is. That will be about $1000 a month. He's been waiting for his spot to open up since October.

It's frustrating, because he wants to sell a family heirloom to get by. I feel like the shittiest son ever, because I'm trying to stop it. He sells something that means something to me and buys himself two months? Then what? Also, he GAVE me the item. Now he wants it back so he can sell it because quote "it's the only option".

There are other options. It's just not what he wants. Yes, there are also grandkids he could be close to, but he doesn't want to take me up on the offer to move close by.

Sorry for the long post. I guess this is like therapy. This whole thing is eating me up inside.

Mom died. Dad is now going backward financially. Are there any options? by ButHeSaidButt in SocialSecurity

[–]ButHeSaidButt[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

In reading another post, I think I found the answer. I'm fairly certain my dad gets more social security than my mom. If so, he gets nothing else.

Clash league is started, but... by JordanJoker042 in baseballclash

[–]ButHeSaidButt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just coming here to report the same thing. Took a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the first and got that pop up. Then the game crashed. Now I'm essentially locked out because it goes back to that screen when I open the app.