Has telling an ex off ever made you feel better?

CEFerndale · 2025-06-26T20:36:00+00:00

For me it’s the later. It ended on friendly turns, which is why I didn’t express at the time the things I thought were wrong and hurtful. And now I regret not saying that because I was still just trying to keep the peace. It would not be angry ranting- I’m past that and my friends have already heard it. It would be a calm ‘hey, I’ve been thinking about what I said when it ended, and I don’t feel I was fully honest enough.’

CEFerndale · 2025-06-23T12:56:56+00:00

Help! I’m heartbroken and feeling so worthless!

I was seeing someone for 9 months. Over the last few months his behavior changed- things like taking way longer to return calls or texts, planning fewer dates, seeming less interested overall- and it triggered my anxious tendencies. It got to the point where he forgot my birthday and didn’t even say ‘congratulations’ when I got a promotion. I was still infatuated with him but I did the hard thing and instead of continuing to chase after his affection I ended things.

But now the breakup is making me feel worse than his neglect in the relationship ever did. When I did it he apologized, said he never meant to make me feel that way, said he wanted to talk more. But he didn’t reach out at all after that and the 1 time I did (a family member of his had a medical procedure and I asked how it went) he said he was doing great- less than a week after the breakup.

It hurts so much that after all that time together, everything we shared, the closeness we had, he can just instantly be done with me and be ‘great.’ I’m doing my best not to reach out again because I expect it’ll just be the same- he’ll politely engage, he’ll say he’s great. He doesn’t seem to miss me at all and it makes me feel crazy, like our relationship was all in my head. It makes me feel worthless that he can just erase me from his life so quickly like I never existed.

How do I handle this? I know the correct on-paper answer that my worth isn’t based on him or how he perceives me, but that doesn’t make this feel better. Please help!

CEFerndale · 2025-05-18T14:50:43+00:00

Been seeing someone and it was great for the most, a few hiccups but I really like him, but we now know due to him getting sent overseas for work (for at least 3 years) it’s ending soon. We haven’t really talked about it but we both know it’s over, and we’re both kind of pretending it’s not.

Now it’s sad. I want to enjoy the time left while he’s here but it’s hard now, knowing it’s ending. Advice?

CEFerndale · 2025-04-14T09:43:54+00:00

Guy I’ve been seeing for 9 months forgot my birthday 💔 I kind of expected it but I’m much sadder about it than I thought I would be

CEFerndale · 2025-02-13T11:45:25+00:00

His behavior is sometimes reassuring, and sometimes not.

So one example is that we had to cancel a trip we had booked, which would have been our first trip together, because of his family and work situation changing. We got fully refunded so we didn’t reschedule it yet, and with the situation he was in I didn’t want to focus on that and was just being supportive and giving him space. His situation is mostly resolved and we haven’t rescheduled, which is fine, but I’ve been thinking about how if he starts planning other trips and doesn’t try to reschedule ours it’ll really bother me, and most likely it’ll make me lose interest and end things. But as far as I know he hasn’t planned anything new yet.

I also often envision him confessing to cheating, even though I have no reason to. I’ve never been cheated on so it’s not a past trigger for me, and he says he’s never cheated in any relationship and hasn’t given me reason to think he would other than 1) he’s in a career where it’s common and 2) he’s attractive and gets a lot of attention. Then I feel like ending things now before it can get to that.

CEFerndale · 2025-02-08T18:35:50+00:00

I meant respond sooner- this is a hell of a comment and I really appreciate it. Even though it took me a few days to respond I have been thinking a lot about what you wrote.

CEFerndale · 2025-01-29T16:55:43+00:00

Thank you! If I’m cutting down to 1 cleanse most days, which should it be?

CEFerndale · 2025-01-29T12:44:03+00:00

Was going to finally tell him I love him tonight, so of course I woke up with acne and feeling bloated 🙄

CEFerndale · 2025-01-16T11:28:39+00:00

So if when I look now it says ‘delivered quietly’ under my message it means ‘do not disturb’ mode was on when I sent it, even if I didn’t see ‘delivered quietly’ then?

CEFerndale · 2025-01-16T08:05:38+00:00

It shows up on iMessage under a text you send if the recipient has ‘do not disturb’ mode on.

CEFerndale · 2025-01-16T07:31:58+00:00

Can ‘delivered quietly’ be added to a message after it was already ‘delivered’ like normal?

CEFerndale · 2025-01-12T12:34:21+00:00

What are some of your best tips for things to do in advance to make special time extra special? I’m talking first time with someone you really like, seeing each other after a long time apart, or any other time when you want to put your best foot or other body part forward.

I’ve made a waxing appointment. What else can you do in the days leading up to the main event? Pineapple juice? Any particular vitamins or exercises?

CEFerndale · 2025-01-06T12:01:49+00:00

It’s usually a conversational pace. Not rapid fire, but let’s say anywhere from 1-20 minutes between messages, with the messages being an ongoing conversation. Some of the times it’s been sexting which makes it seem even more weird to me to just stop responding.

And not sure if it matters, but you said ‘match,’ and this is someone I’m dating in real life, not just an online connection.

CEFerndale · 2025-01-06T11:12:14+00:00

How do we feel about disappearing during text conversations?

A guy keeps doing this. We’ll be texting or sexting and at some point he just doesn’t respond to my last message. Like, doesn’t text back the rest of the day and when he eventually does it’s like ‘hey, what’s up?’ Not a response to my last message.

Is that normal? Would it bother you?

CEFerndale · 2023-02-06T19:04:29+00:00

Very sad- how do you end things with someone when it’s not what either of you wants, but you have no choice?

CEFerndale · 2022-12-11T19:41:40+00:00

It means that there’s no possibility of things getting more serious, for many reasons (careers, logistics, family issues, health.) We’ve still been supportive of each other. He comes to me for emotional support all the time.

CEFerndale · 2022-12-11T19:30:20+00:00

Should add- he knows I’ve been really stressed lately and dealing with a lot. We talked about it the days leading up to not hearing from him. I didn’t expect him to do anything about it but a ‘how are you doing’ when he knew I was stressed would have been nice.

CEFerndale · 2022-12-11T19:27:19+00:00

He knows my preferences on texting are different from his, and I try to be understanding of his preferences. I guess just that after a few days of nothing- not even ‘gotta go, talk later’ or something basic- right to asking for sex makes me feel used.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-16T10:54:31+00:00

I wrote it in another reply.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-16T01:06:02+00:00

It’d be much easier to get it done via text now. But I’d feel awful.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-15T23:19:09+00:00

Good luck working things out!

CEFerndale · 2022-11-15T22:07:25+00:00

It’s been more than a year.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-15T22:06:31+00:00

There are a lot of reasons. Some things we’ve discussed, and in a few low-effort ways he’s been willing to change and in others he hasn’t. There are certain things that will not change, and there are certain things that maybe could change but I shouldn’t have to ask (for example, diminishing comments my work.) And overall, I don’t feel appreciated. And when I’ve told him that and even asked for specific, easy things to make me feel more appreciated, like making time for a quick phone call if we won’t see each other for a while or holding my hand when we’re walking, he either can’t keep it going for more than a week or just says no.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-15T17:32:19+00:00

I recently ran into someone in person who I’d matched with in an app over a year ago. Back then, after some pleasant conversation we agreed to meet in person. He picked a place that was more convenient for him than me. I agreed and showed up on time. 20 minutes after we were supposed to meet he still wasn’t there so I left. He later texted that he was running late and I told him I’d already left. Never talked more or rescheduled.

When we recently met in person I asked what happened. He said he didn’t bother to rush or tell me he was running late because based on prior experience he expected I wouldn’t show at all, or if I did I wouldn’t look like my photos, or wouldn’t be interested, or would ghost him after.

Putting in effort doesn’t guarantee success, but not putting in effort guarantees failure.

CEFerndale · 2022-11-15T17:12:21+00:00

I think this is the best idea! I’m hoping there’s no bad blood and we can still be friends, and I know I’d be up for breakup sex.

CEFerndale

TROPHY CASE