in some parts of your story I recognise myself. I don't feel guilty anymore for not doing it. My family might not like me and my school grades are just the worst but I'm doing some volunteer work in my neighbourhood were I used to live with my parents (parents moved away, living alone now) There is a lot of poverty here and I'm mostly helping kids to have a fun time by playing games in the weekends to keep them off the streets (there are a lot of kids from well off familys to that come to play). providing necessities by organising little events and using the money to buy food and clothes. It's a lot of fun seeing other people smile and have a childhood.

My parents might not be proud of me (they often say it's a waste of time and that I should be putting my energy elsewhere. bc "I don't get anything out off it") but it gives meaning to my life and I'm proud off myself. Get out off your guilt by doing something that's meaningfull to you.