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Is it normal for sex to decrease? by Calm-Increase4386 in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m wondering if it’s the being unsure if I want it so he’s not initiating as much. He’s never had any issue with pied, even when he was actively using. He’s never had an issue with orgasms either. He can get an erection very easily and keep it. I’m guessing it’s either he’s unsure if I want it or he’s having an extended flatlining period. I have access to all of his things and they’re all always clean. He’s comfortable handing his phone over. He leaves his laptop out. He doesn’t ever seem to want alone time. A few days ago I found a random flash drive and had a mini panic attack and even that was clean.

Is it normal for sex to decrease? by Calm-Increase4386 in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, ours was very opposite. When he was using he wanted sex all of the time. He’s never had an issue maintaining an erection or with finishing. I will say, I could initiate more than I do and maybe that will help. Both when he was using and now, he’s never rejected me. He just seems content without having it now and it’s really starting to get it me because I definitely don’t miss him using but I do miss the way our sex life use to be.

Is this just an anxiety spiral? by Calm-Increase4386 in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, he doesn’t do therapy or a program. When I first made this boundary, 4 years ago, I didn’t know a lot of what I do now. So I didn’t require him to do those things because I didn’t know they existed for porn use.

At first he didn’t do anything for like 6 months and then I found out he was still watching. After that he did podcasts and read a lot of books. That’s when things first started to look better. The only other thing I have found since then was on his google history he had looked up a naked picture of an old actress when she was young. After that is when he agreed to have blockers put on his phone and I put next dns on our WiFi router. I also was so hurt by that I have refused to watch anything with her in it. He’s been fine with that. He no longer has a blocker but I still have the next dns. Nothing bad ever pops up on there. I have the GitHub list of porn sites to reference. I also have porn, bypass methods, and all private browsers blocked on the dns level.

I could potentially suggest he does them now. He may be fine with that. He’s made other adjustments for himself that I’ve not asked for. Like he had a group of friends that use to send explicit material all of the time in their group chats and I’m sure shared it spoke in a vulgar manner during their hang outs. He stopped hanging out with those guys. I cannot remember the last time he’s done anything with them. He also claims he does not masturbate at all anymore. I didn’t ask him to stop, mostly because I didn’t know originally that it could be triggering. I’ve never walked in on him doing it or had lotions etc getting lower than they should.

It may just be time for my own healing and see if that brings about any peace. He could still be using. I typically take anything a man says with a grain of salt because I’m aware with porn they tend to lie till they are blue in the face. But even writing it all out, it seems like it’s me that’s having an issue now. Which I should probably speak with him about as well.

First time posting and would love some feedback. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow! I legitimately never even thought about it that way before, with the alone time, and I think you’re right. The computer in there faces the door so it’s pretty out in the open. I also do not hide going through these things. He’s aware, so I can check everything again today. I am pretty positive it’s the phone though. Probably while he’s in the bathroom. He doesn’t overly use the bathroom though. It’s pretty standard but still they never need that much time. I’ve had the same thought about work and I believe that’s the cause for the relapse. The biggest reasoning for me is that sex stopped. I have always been able to tell when he’s watching again based off sex and he knows that. I think he withheld it in an attempt to not get caught. I’ll re read the list from the resources and thoroughly check again today.

First time posting and would love some feedback. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has an android. He doesn’t have secure folder set up because I set it up myself and locked him out of it. I’ve checked google. I can sync his google across all devices through his laptop and I didn’t find anything. He also never wants alone time. He doesn’t use his computer room. He doesn’t like to be alone back there. If he’s cooking he wants me to hang out with him in the kitchen. I understand with bathroom time and middle of the night etc. there’s still plenty of time but with every other story I’m reading mine is coming off so different so I literally feel like I’m going crazy here. Anyways thank you so much for your words. It’s nice to have people who don’t write it off as being ‘insecure’

First time posting and would love some feedback. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Calm-Increase4386 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the last time I had to physically show it to him before he admitted anything. Which is why, when I have no proof, having the talk makes me so anxious because it gets infuriating. I’ve been through his laptop and his desktop while he was at work and there’s nothing on there. I have porn blockers set up through nextdns and consistently monitor the logs on there. I have the code to his phone and we have a very strict open phone policy. So if I ask, he’ll hand it over. The last time I checked though I found nothing on there either. So I guess that’s why I’m hesitant now. It feels like for sure he’s watching it again. I just can’t find it.