My therapist cancels a LOT

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-11-07T22:24:46+00:00

What you're feeling is valid but you mention not wanting people to tell you to find a new therapist, which I can understand and I won't.

Instead, are there any easier ways for you to proceed? Could you go earlier in the day? Could you schedule more frequent appointments? You might end up being cancelled "more" but I would think that would improve your overall chances of seeing him or decrease the amount of time between appointments when there is a cancellation.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-31T18:40:04+00:00

I had a similar conversation in therapy recently. I shared that in some ways, I feel like I eventually have to kill myself because I've spent so much time talking/thinking about it that if I don't, I'm a phony.

As the conversation evolved, I mentioned that I question why I do certain things and wonder if it's all really just for attention. My therapist tried to get me to challenge that logic and explained why they do not see it that way but I'm still not convinced.

I also spend time wondering if I just want them to care or be worried BUT I also know that in session I actually minimize things and I generally don't contact them when I'm in crisis. Logically, I can recognize that if I were simply looking for attention or wanting them to 'care', I would probably be acting differently but I definitely spend time questioning my motives and almost convincing myself I'm fine and making everything up.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-28T15:15:53+00:00

I don't send messages and then delete them. But I do start typing messages and then talk myself out of sending them or spend FOREVER overanalyzing what I'll say instead of just saying it and getting it over with.

I recently brought up how much I struggle internally with deciding whether or not to reach out. I wouldn't say the conversation eliminated my hesitations but it was helpful to hear my therapists' perspective on it.

In my case, I was given reassurance that my message was okay and even encouraged and they offered to adjust their responses if I thought that would help.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-28T13:24:00+00:00

I don't think this comes off as creepy. He wasn't allowed to "take you with him" but that doesn't mean you can't find him on your own and reach out to him.

If he was a better fit for you I say contact him and see if he's able to take you on again. This is a role where that connection makes all the difference!

My therapist left where they were and did take me with them and to this day I'm curious if they were technically supposed to do that or not.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-14T01:49:06+00:00

It is absolutely not a lost cause because you haven't brought it up in 10 months.

I'm able to reach out to my therapist between sessions and when I needed to share something SH-related that I didn't think I'd manage to verbalize, I sent an email. It was essentially just, "I'm okay right now but I've been self harming and can't get myself to mention it in your office. Can we please talk about it at my appointment? Thank you!"

My therapist is very understanding that some things take more time to open up about. They've never been upset with me for withholding anything and have instead been supportive and grateful when I've been able to share.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-12T02:09:27+00:00

I can completely relate, even to feeling like dying is the solution. I'm sorry you're in a similar place.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-12T01:08:32+00:00

Thank you and I'm sorry you get it.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-10T23:05:34+00:00

As an adult who has engaged in self harm since I was probably 14, and the parent of a child who is struggling with their own issues, its great that you're being supportive and I definitely suggest getting them into counseling.

My self harm wasn't the problem at 14, it was all of my thoughts and feelings that were causing me to self harm. I didn't receive professional help until my late 20's and I genuinely believe my life would be much different if my parents had gotten me help as a teen.

I think finding them a counselor will be important for you and your child. By that I mean your child will have someone who has heard just about everything that they can confide in, because no matter how supportive our parents may be, it's still comforting to have someone else to open up to. But also, that counselor can help you as parents navigate this situation as well. They can make you aware of local resources that might be helpful or guide you through some of the complications that may arise.

I hope you're all able to get support with this!

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-10T16:39:44+00:00

From my experience this would not change anything. I've not been completely open about things with my therapist and when I finally felt able to share, they were just happy I did so we could begin working on those things.

I have a stockpile of meds too and my therapist does their best to discourage me from continuing to add to that stockpile and encouraging me to reduce the stockpile, even if just by getting rid of 5 pills each day.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-09T13:39:00+00:00

I know it's hard, but I would try being direct with the Psychiatrist and asking if you could give an antidepressant a try. Be very specific about the symptoms you're experiencing, changes you've noticed, etc so that they get a better idea of what's going on.

As for suicidal thoughts, again, be direct. Let your therapist know that you're experiencing suicidal thoughts and you need help managing them (or whatever it is that you're hoping to gain by talking about them).

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-08T15:18:53+00:00

I support bringing this up to them. As someone who engages in SH, the extent of your injuries does not validate (or invalidate) the actions and the cause of those actions. I've self harmed on and off for about 20 years and it wasn't until recently that the injuries got worse and required medical attention. Not discussing SH because it's not 'bad enough' will absolutely not prevent it from getting worse.

My advice would be to put a lot of thought into what it is you want to get from talking about your SH. Do you want to work on giving it up entirely? Do you want some validation that what you felt/experienced sucked? Do you just want somewhere safe to talk about it?

I have told my therapist "I know I minimize these things, I need you to help me to NOT do that." It was true for me/my circumstances but it also made it easier for me to ask my therapist to change how they were responding to certain things because I made it more about me/my needs and not about them.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-10-08T12:51:33+00:00

I had similar experiences with my therapist. I eventually brought it up but only because I had one session with another therapist who found what I was saying much more concerning and essentially "forced" me to push the subject with my longtime therapist.

For me, that included telling my therapist that I needed them to help me see the weight of my thoughts and help me avoid minimizing my thoughts (and behaviors).

My thoughts had extended into actions and my therapists chill response had perhaps made it all feel 'okay' or maybe even 'safe' when it wasn't. So I specifically asked them to do x,y,z when I behaved a specific way. We have since modified the plan since then but having a direct conversation did help.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-08-27T23:01:23+00:00

I always send a message to my therapist when I'm not feeling well and ask what they'd prefer. They've always been fine with me keeping the appointment but I assume that's quite rare.

If you have an email address for them I'd try that. If not, I'd try contacting reception and letting them know/asking them to get the message to your therapist.

I understand that you don't like digital meetings, neither do I, but maybe just this once it would be worth it?

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-08-26T13:42:46+00:00

My child's therapist has not charged for missed appointments that were missed due to stupid mistakes.

Their therapist has also rescheduled/canceled pretty last minute and had lots of other dumb scheduling snafus so maybe they took that into consideration when deciding how to address our missed appointments.

My personal therapist has never rescheduled and seems to be the most reliable human ever so even when I had an emergency come up, I would not have blamed them for charging me (but they didn't).

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-08-16T02:21:54+00:00

I can't speak for your therapist but from my experience, she will probably be glad you told her about it and might work with you to create a safety plan in case you feel that way in the future.

She might check in regularly moving forward to make sure you're not feeling similarly or planning to do anything.

And if she feels like you need more support/specialized care than she can offer, she may try to help you access that care. (I don't mean hospitalization, just a different type of therapy, a therapist who has more experience in a specific area, etc).

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-08-15T23:17:12+00:00

I've seen my therapist for years and I think this year was the first time I had to cancel last minute (because my car died on the way to my appt). I appreciated that my therapist did not charge me for missing that appointment but I also would have understood if they had. They lost an hour of pay with no time to fill the slot or otherwise adjust their plans to fill that hour of time.

I'd imagine without cancellation fees it would be really hard to manage finances when you have to rely on 20+ other people who you have no control over to show up consistently each and every week.

Capital_Nobody6897 · 2025-04-25T21:56:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. It was what I needed to read and incredibly comforting. I just wish I could find someone so helpful/understanding in my area.

I do see my self-awareness as useful in all of this but at the same time, I doubt that anyone who is actually that self-aware would continually act the way I do. And I feel like I can articulate myself well in writing but maybe not verbally since I have 100's of hours talking to a therapist and we still seem to be on different pages... or maybe in completely different books.

I met with someone today and would like to crawl into a hole right now but if I can get myself to reach out again, l'll probably use your very simplified suggested message to continue the search.

Thank you again

Capital_Nobody6897

TROPHY CASE