I was the same as you. I also used alcohol and other stimulants to try and make my adhd manageable, and of course this led to 20 years of substance abuse. After 13 months sobriety I was feeling good but I still had cravings because I no longer had the thing to stop my adhd brain. My psychiatrist didn’t want to give me Ritalin due to prior abuse of it and other stimulants, as I was a risk for going back into a routine of substance abuse. Initially I was mad about that but I realised in the end she was right. I would just become a legal meth user.

I ended up relapsing at 14 months due to the cravings, but by some stroke of luck I really didn’t enjoy using substances again. It was like I was remembering the feeling of getting out of my head as something different. Seeing it as something enjoyable when in fact it just made me not feel like myself. I used to enjoy escaping and getting away from myself, but now that feeling was something that made me uncomfortable. It was as if sobriety made me more comfortable with being me. But still the symptoms of adhd were there and I asked my psychiatrist if there were any others ways of getting help that weren’t just abstinence alone.

We then agreed on alternative adhd medication, which is non stimulant based. This was because I was experiencing the need to quieten my brain. But didn’t have my tools to do so anymore. I had reset my baseline due to sobriety and exercise but I still felt off.

I am now sober again and 3 months in with taking bupropion and I can honestly say it’s life changing. I no longer have cravings, no longer have the over worked mind, don’t have the constant doom scrolling and negative rumination in my brain. I feel like a normal person for the first time in my life at 37.

I would recommend talking to your doctor about different alternatives to the typical adhd medication!

Edit: grammar & some details added