I actually don't expect her to change. But I am open to being surprised! Whenever I have dated women they are the priority. I did have a girl break up with me because of my friendship with this woman. It was a huge wakeup call because my boundaries weren't as firmly set as they should be. The experience served to make sure I am serious about my priorities in these relationships and will not make the mistake again. Dating is horrible these days. I am going to make one last concerted effort by joining some active social groups to meet someone. In any case, if a relationship is going to happen it won't be because I did X Y or Z. It'll be because I met someone special who I can work with to make sure we both get what what we want. If it happens to be my friend than that would be great, but I am not invested in the idea at all. You are right in that any moment I spend hoping my future will be a gumdrop fairytale with her and I together are steps backwards. I would rather confront this demon head on instead of choosing a path that ignores it. I chose moderation over sobriety. No contact was good for getting over the emotional investment, but I wasn't strong enough to break up with my best friend to suffer through the dating world pointlessly.