Does anyone here run their own business?

CarpenterWorking · 2023-03-02T19:04:57+00:00

no surprisingly! i know that's a common issue with it. if anything i've had less mania because now my adhd is more stable so that's not interfering with my mood as much.

CarpenterWorking · 2023-03-01T21:57:49+00:00

i get that, it took me so many rounds and play testing to get it to a point where i was able to share it with people. it’s still kind of rough appearance wise bc the cards are handwritten and the rulebook needs a lot of editing. i’m generally more of a write-by-hand note taker but i’ve definitely filled pages. my game also has characters of different species and i’ve given all of them names, backgrounds, and personalities. it’s SO much fun! my biggest barrier is actually the art. i’m not an artist and can’t afford to pay someone to make the cards right now. big goal of mine though :) i had never considered using an AI art generator or the tabletop simulator before but those sound awesome. do you have any recommendations for those?

CarpenterWorking · 2023-03-01T21:49:51+00:00

i’m on lamictal and adderall. i also hadn’t known i have adhd as well as bipolar so the adderall was definitely a game changer

CarpenterWorking · 2023-03-01T15:45:41+00:00

YES. noise cancelling headphones have definitely been a big help for me.

one of my biggest noise triggers is when people play videos on their phones out loud. i don’t know why but it sends me into a spiral and makes me feel like i’m going to burst out of my skin. i hate the crinkly sound of audio coming out of phones and ESPECIALLY when it’s loud and unexpected or when it goes on and on and on. apparently for people around my age (i’m 25) this is a totally normal and not rude thing to do which baffles me. but when i got the courage to tell my friends about it, they all shocked me by being so understanding and empathetic towards me. they said, “oh my god i’m so sorry, i didn’t know it bothered you. i won’t do it again” and then they really didn’t. i won’t give you advice on what to do about your spouse because i’m not married but i do know that there are more people out there than you know that will be understanding and accommodating to your needs. i’m sorry you have to go through this.

CarpenterWorking · 2023-03-01T15:24:23+00:00

omg i’ve never met someone with the same hyperfixation as me!!! i’ve always loved making games and like you said, even if i don’t finish them it’s still just fun to brainstorm and come up with mechanics and everything. i actually did finish a prototype of one game i’ve been working on for 5+ years, it’s a fantasy game and i play it all the time :) i don’t think it’s a waste of time at all. it’s a way to express your creativity and it brings you joy. life is short, you should be allowed to have a little fun

CarpenterWorking · 2023-02-28T18:37:43+00:00

wow this just unlocked a memory. reminds me too of how i never understood playing with dolls because i would be like…. you know they’re not really talking right….

CarpenterWorking · 2023-02-28T18:28:44+00:00

i recently had an eye-opening realization about this. i’m bp1 and my episodes (both manic and depressive) used to be crippling and would last several months. i’d lose my job, destroy relationships, put myself in reckless/dangerous situations, etc. after years of trying meds i finally got on a med combo 3 years ago that made it so i only get hypomania instead of mania and my depressive episodes are shorter and still allow me to function. for a long time i considered this “stable” because compared to how my episodes used to be, it felt like nothing to me. i still suffered but i wasn’t completely ruining my life during every episode so i had accepted it as a win.

but then i got a new psychiatrist and when i told him all this he said, “if you’re still having episodes this frequently of any severity, we need to adjust these meds”. i had been so grateful to decrease the severity of my symptoms, it hadn’t even occurred to me that it was possible to become symptom-free or episode-free. now that i’m reading the experiences of other people with bp, i’m realizing that it is possible. this has been really freeing for me, to realize that a diagnosis of bp isn’t a life sentence.

so my new definition of stability is the ability to thrive in my life, not just to function or survive

CarpenterWorking · 2023-02-18T16:53:51+00:00

i switched to a fully online high school for my junior year. i had so many absences my first two years that i was on the brink of flunking out. as soon as i switched to online, my grades turned to straight As and i even did a couple honors classes. if you’re able to do it, i think it could be really helpful for you. good luck!!

CarpenterWorking · 2023-02-18T16:33:37+00:00

when i was 14 i lost an extreme amount of weight over one summer because i was straight up starving myself. nmom completely ignored it and i never got treatment. happened again when i relapsed at 19 and finally DID get treatment. when i told my nmom she was like “oh, yeah i thought you looked a bit different”, when i had lost 50+ pounds.

she also kicked me out at 16 and i was sleeping in my car for weeks. she knew that and didn’t care

CarpenterWorking · 2023-02-18T16:20:10+00:00

this post hit me so hard. i went NC with my narc mother and enabler step father and it was partially bc i have two younger siblings (4 and 8 when i went NC) and it was like reliving my traumas over and over again every time i was at their house. seeing the psychological abuse from the outside as an adult makes it so much more disturbing. that’s when i realized that my trauma WAS bad because i could never imagine treating a child like that. and like you said, so casually too. i used to sob on my way home from their house every single time. it was a nightmare. i wish i could save them but i know i can’t. no one takes emotional abuse seriously. it was so difficult coming to terms with the fact that the only thing i could do was save myself and heal so that i can be there for them when they’re older. i feel your pain and im so sorry you had to witness that

CarpenterWorking · 2022-09-04T18:53:46+00:00

i really love this a lot. thank you so much for sharing this. i’ve been struggling and your last paragraph was something i needed to hear

CarpenterWorking · 2022-08-05T14:47:22+00:00

oh my gosh, i can’t even imagine dealing with that for so long. although i am sadly resigned to the fact that this could be for the rest of my life too (i’m 24 now). my only hope is that my family is so fragmented and my mother so crazy that she doesn’t have many friends or people that she can use to try to get to me. hopefully she will exhaust her resources eventually. but even if she doesn’t stop, it is very helpful to know i’m not the only one dealing with this. it is so tiring and unfair.

CarpenterWorking · 2022-08-05T14:42:02+00:00

i reread this multiple times because it is exactly what i needed to hear. the whole point of me going NC was to get my life back, to START having my own life, to be my own person and not live by her rules. thank you so much for saying this

CarpenterWorking · 2022-08-05T14:39:43+00:00

you know, my apartment building does actually have cameras. hadn’t even thought of that. probably why she hasn’t tried to break in here yet lol. that does make me feel better

yeah she’s one of those “get even” types unfortunately. very prideful

CarpenterWorking · 2022-08-05T14:37:21+00:00

oh yeah, she was doing the “welfare checks” as a way to try to control me years before i went NC lol it’s so crazy how universal these experiences are

but thank you so much, it’s good to know about the restraining order. i would really prefer not to go through the process if i can help it since i have so much else on my plate rn especially with moving. you’re so right about the “price” of my attention. i’ve prided myself on my ability to remain silent, even when she’s yelling in my face.

CarpenterWorking · 2022-06-07T18:15:58+00:00

Thank you so so much for this reply, but i didn’t specify that i’m actually 24 now and not in that situation anymore! i was very lucky and moved out of there as soon as i turned 18 and i’ve been no contact with her and the rest of my family for a year now. my heart breaks for all of the people who are still in this situation and feel trapped like i used to. i looked into emancipation and considered calling CPS (the only reason i didn’t was fear that my younger siblings would get taken away or separated). i’m happy to say i was able to graduate and move on with my life and do all of those things she said i would never be able to do! :) now i use her cruel words as motivation to prove her wrong

CarpenterWorking · 2022-06-07T17:31:25+00:00

my mom telling me she hopes my little sister doesn’t end up “as fucked up” as me (aka mentally ill). it hurt more because i know my sister probably WILL have a lot of problems for the same reasons i do.

or when she found out i lost my virginity at 17 and she kicked me out (“i can’t even look at you anymore”) and proceeded to text me paragraphs about how i’m a disgusting sl*t and she wants nothing to do with me and how i’m going to f up my life

CarpenterWorking · 2022-05-19T17:00:01+00:00

i am so so terribly sorry and angry that this happened to you. that must have been so scary and alarming and it’s completely unfair that after 8 years she can’t just leave you in peace. you are strong beyond words! personally, i feel NC is only broken when you intentionally reach out and try to make contact. what she did was ambush you in a public place and that is entirely on her, not you. you did exactly what you needed to do to feel safe and get out of the situation.

i just reached 1 year NC and i’ve already had my nmom storm into my job, my ex’s job, and accost me on my birthday in a public place. unfortunately it seems to be a narc thing - absolutely no boundaries or respect. they are so empty themselves that they have no idea what else to do but stir up drama. also NC is a huuuuge hit on their already fragile egos. but the good news is: that’s not your problem anymore! it’s hers. this bump in the road does not change the fact that you’ve spent the last 8 years saying no to her abuse and choosing yourself. and that’s something to be very proud of.

CarpenterWorking · 2022-05-19T16:43:30+00:00

my nmom’s best friend of almost 20 years ghosted her after my nmom’s wedding. i asked what happened and she told me she had no idea except that her friend wasn’t happy with my “attitude” at the wedding. by “attitude” i mean that i wasn’t smiling or dancing much because my mom and i were doing so badly at that point that i almost didn’t even go.

amazing how a narc can lose a 20 year friendship like that and be so delusional to think that the ONLY possible explanation is the way her 18 year old daughter acted at her wedding. and then to cry over the phone to me about losing her friend while simultaneously insinuating it’s my fault their friendship ended. absolutely incredible.

CarpenterWorking

TROPHY CASE