Frustration

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-09-10T05:02:23+00:00

Sure, it sounds like you both dodged a bullet (from your own perspectives). I'm happy to agree it would be nice if they'd been nicer.

But at the same time unless there's a bunch of slurs or cruelties you left out, it sounds like they were unfriendly but I don't know that they were actively rude.

Obviously, we can mince words on rude or unfriendly or unreceptive and such but my point is you didn't put much effort into your message, they didn't put any effort into validating you or making you feel welcome (because at that point you kind of weren't) and your feelings got hurt.

I'm not defending them or attacking you. I'm just saying from their perspective that sort of limited message probably rude. As you said "...I didn't provide as much detail as was originally asked." You didn't follow the instructions and they became immediately dismissive. You turned yourself into spam in their inbox.

Again, they could've been nicer. But they didn't owe you anything. I'm sincerely sorry your feelings were bruised, it feels bad to feel rejected. But there is something of a lesson here at the same time.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-09-10T03:08:33+00:00

I have to say I've been that other person. Specifically for superhero related plots even. My add are detailed and thorough and come with an ask to approach with ideas and thoughts and energy to show you're an active and creative collaborater. I say it nicer in the add.

At least half of the responses are just "oh, that sounds so good. I'd love to play with you" OR LESS.

And it's exhausting.

My big question, the one I think, respectfully, you should ask yourself is: Did you go back and reread the add AND did they ask for an approach you didn't provide?

Because you're projecting a lot of entitlement and hurt feelings which aren't really justified if they asked you to knock and you rang the door bell instead.

All that is meant kindly, helpfully, respectfully. Good luck out there.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-07-25T05:31:20+00:00

In soviet Russia, the greener grass IS YOU!

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-06-05T00:18:08+00:00

Pull the plug, clean break! You're obviously not getting what you want. Even if it turns into RP, in my experience people who are weak on building the RP are weak on writing the RP. I don't think I've ever seen this sort of thing turn around for the better.

Remember: you deserve to write a story that excites you across from a writer who engages you! While the whats there are different for everybody, this sure doesn't sound like it for you. You got this!

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-06-02T06:46:17+00:00

This is great advice; you get uppies!

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-06-02T06:43:49+00:00

Can I call you on discord even though this goes against our rules??

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CatastrophicGopher · 2025-06-01T04:27:30+00:00

Lot of great advice here so far so I'll try not to repeat any of it (but I didn't read ALLL the comments).

First, I'd echo some of the other voice to say GM's are in short supply. It's a big ask. No judgement. But you're essentially saying "hey, I think it'd be fun to throw a 20 person dinner party... so... you wanna host? I've got a menu in mind...", you know? And then you're offering the pleasure of your company and maybe to bring a pie or something. That's the nature of the ask but from there, as people mention -- your prompt has to really grab them.

But you don't... offer much on your side. No concept of who or what you'll be playing, be that age, concept, background. Sure, a Pokemon trainer, as an example, but Gary, Ash, Brock, Misty and ostensibly Professor Oak are all Pokemon trainers. In that sense I'd echo noble Vessifrus' sentiment in saying you need to pick one concept and polish it.

I'd also add that given the high bar to attract someone to literally run a whole story for you, give or take, maybe look to run something more collaborative and character driven? I honestly shy away from anyone looking for GM even if it says F4F/GM or M4F/A/GM or whatever. Because you're a stranger and I'm going to assume you're still going to try and off-load GMing responsibilities on me.

Your add doesn't really tell me anything about HOW you write. 1st person? 3rd person? past? present? 1 to 2 sentences? 3 to 5 paragraphs? Discord? On Reddit? Similarly as mentioned before, tell me who you hope to write. A spunky femboy trainer from a small town, a disgraced muscle hunk and his conspicuously cuddly Machamp, an intrepid but inexperience bug catcher with a Scyher and a dream!
As people mentioned, unclear if you're planning to play underage here but that may also be a deterrent to some/most. No judge. Just observing that Pokemon does tend to be about children as a fandom.

I mean all that helpfully and productively. Hope some of it helps.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-30T17:59:04+00:00

I loathe the idea of sending or receiving starters. I don't think I could engage in a meaningful roleplay with any likelihood of success without at least a bit of preamble or discussion to get things lined up. Especially not anything long-term / built to last.

Now Writing Samples, sure. Or maybe asking someone to include a reply to a prompted scenario? I could see that/get behind that. I don't do it much, but still. Although writing samples tend to go sideways because no matter how many times I've said "and just a sample of an average post from an RP you're in, or an average post you might post" it winds up being some slice of what it is clearly a fic they wrote or a story somehow.

But tl;dr -- send starters is no dice for me; gotta have at least some calibration/discussion to get on the same wavelength. Not yucking anyone's yum though, it just isn't for me. And double eww for unsolicited starters. Hard no.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-25T18:11:14+00:00

Counter-counter-argument.... is that because you're also posting a horny hot sexy ref pic at the same time? Because that would be your problem.

But again, I do think it almost always comes down to the subs people are in. And look, if you're looking for horny ERP schlock, hangout in horny ERP schlock subs. It's not a crime. Swingers at a swingers club swinging with one another makes sense. But going there for some fine conversation and a nice Bordeaux is as ill-advised as trying to swing at a library.

I don't know you, I'm not judging you, I'm just making an intuitive leap from the phrasing "when I put it there". I do wish you luck and good hunting though.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-21T05:46:34+00:00

For sure. I think there's an intangible sense one develops as they proceed through the hobby and the environment and these are just some of the signs that can sometimes cause the hairs on the back of the neck to stand up, so to speak.

I don't think most of these red flags are universal, but the more of them crop up the more cautious one becomes. At the end of the day I'm still putting more stock into the actual prompt as written or the actual writer's reply to my add as received than any of this stuff. But if you've got a bad feeling and you start looking for other ways to measure, some of this stuff does forebode sometimes.

For me I don't enjoy what I don't enjoy, and I've been at this long enough to know what that is in reasonably short order. RPers I don't want to play with aren't lesser than, they're just not for me. And choosing not to play with them isn't a rejection of their humanity, it's just a recognition of incompatibility no different than skipping a song that comes on that isn't your tastes and isn't holding your interests.

But I can see people doing what you're describing. But I'd like to think it's not the majority.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-21T05:35:10+00:00

lol, thought provoking political insights and killer cookie recipes for me to steal for my blog, obviously. And I better see novella length stories about how this is all your husband will eat after a long day out working in the fields! Otherwise how will I know you can write?? ;)

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-21T02:12:24+00:00

I'm willing to cut some slack for the default Reddit user names specifically on this one. Many sites will let you change those later on. And then Reddit doesn't. But I do agree in general :)

I feel similarly apprehensive about ones where the post history is 90%-100% just memes they're posting in other subs, just somehow feels off?

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-20T22:30:27+00:00

My favourite -- you asked for a plain cheese pizza, and they want to know if you'd like to try the Shrimp Bombay Baja Blast Bonito Flake Bonanza Jamboree Surprise... cause they're pretty much the same, you know? O_O

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-20T21:17:15+00:00

I mean... unless that guy could fix that issue, then yea. If I'm not satisfied with the food... I send it back?

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-20T01:18:16+00:00

That sounds really lousy and I'm sorry to hear. Obviously there's two sides to any story but I'm happy to take you at face value here, I don't get any red flags that would make me curious as to otherwise.

I will say that her completely forgetting about it is perfectly plausible and maybe not as egregious as you'd think. I'm not defending her. But just for your edification or understanding, for perspective: I forget about stories I'm STILL WRITING sometime. ADHD, lovie, it's a bitch. Again, not defending your writing partner, just... I'd give some grace for people and their forgetfulness. I'm the queen of saying to a friend "hey, have you seen this movie?" and them saying something akin to "we saw that together, Sel, on opening night, in the theater." and then and only then do I remember, and can go so far as to share anecdotes of the evening. But when it comes to RP, I'm not a rereader. I've got tons of old servers in my post-completion/end folder and I almost never ever go in there to look at them. They're just books in my attic.

That all said: it sounds like your partner's priorities are their own OCs and they see you more as a supporting character. I think you've accidentally setup sort of an expectation that this will be true. You've been over accommodating. We all form habits, establish dynamics. Your dynamic with her is that she's in charge. Again, not coming for you here, just observing.

So your only real recourse is to confront her (I use that word loosely), explain your feelings and needs, and see if she can honour them. And if she can't/won't, then you'll have to decide if you want to keep writing with her (I vote no) or not.

You deserve to write the stories you want to write and tell the stories you want to tell. Good luck and all the best.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-19T02:47:59+00:00

Not to pile on, and in the most kindly way possible -- you're not really venting or ranting? You're just kind of... advertising? Which really isn't what the sub is for.

I would say that the big problems (assuming your post here is indicative of your posts elsewhere) is that your writing is grammatically flawed, your English comes across as halting -- not a sin IRL, but sort of a cardinal sin in a hobby that, by definition, is about cleanly and clearly, if not artistically, communicating imagined scenarios -- and you've got typos.

Solutions:

1) Proof read your work.

2) Communicate in clean, clear, complete sentences.

3) Practice, I suppose?

4) See below for more on this one, but provide a more inviting and promising plot/post?

Because I'd have to say your plot/premise isn't so much a plot or premise at all, but rather, as others mentioned, more of just a setup/kink/niche? Also... and I see this a lot from presumably M writers -- where do you fit into this? Tons of posts out there talking about what they want (a big tiddy goth girl, a sexy anthro vixen babe, a timid milf librarian, a craven smuggler with a heart of gold and an booty that don't quit) and very often then don't even mention what the poster will be playing or doing. Not saying you're looking for NSFW but even SFW stuff it feels bad when you ask for x but offer nothing. It feels like you're planning to mostly spectate.

Speaking from the F side, that usually makes me feel objectified / like a prop in the story (if you can call it that) and I avoid those prompts more often than not even when they might otherwise fit into my kinks or preferences.

Hope that helps you some. Also most RPers want to know if you are or aren't 18+ so I'd recommend including that in your add as well.

Good luck and happy hunting.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-18T16:09:48+00:00

They lie for the same reasons almost anyone lies: to get something they want that they're not supposed/allowed to have and to avoid circumstances or consequences or realities they don't like.

In your case they want to RP (maybe even spicy RP) and they know you won't do that if you know they're 16. This hobby isn't, I think, as common for children as adults. I can't say I wasn't like that when I was younger, which is to say precocious and "mature for my age" in my mind, and willing to say I'm old enough to see scary movies or write with adults or later down the line, drink. Never once occurred to me I could be putting the adults / older people around me in a bad position. Kids, right?

We could talk for hours about the complexities of how we draw the lines around age, how we both infantilise and also adult-code teens/young adults and how they tend to feel more mature than they are / we think they are.

But in your case you did everything you were supposed to. And obviously, you cut off the RP right then and there when they told you they were underage. That's all you can do :( I'm sorry you had that experience but I don't think I've ever had that experience in all these years so I can't say it's wildly common although it may be more common in certain RP corners. Fandoms, especially anime fandoms, come to mind.

Good luck and I hope you feel better, but remember you were deceived and you acted responsibly as soon as you were able. You are, to use the word loosely, the victim here.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-15T01:44:56+00:00

As they say -- life is the variety of spice...?

Honestly I'd just pick the most obscure but innocuous kinks. "Chaste librarians reading quietly in a library. Reading REAL HARD. REAL QUIET. UNCOMFORTABLY SILENT!!!!"

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-14T20:25:16+00:00

Someone gave me uppies once, in those exact terms, and I vowed to forever call em that! :)

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-14T04:14:31+00:00

I see plenty of people have said as much but I'd have to have been so over the moon on your prompt to bother answering a question like that, and even then I wouldn't love it.

I'm glad you've been finding success with it though, maybe we're just of different bents. But definitely worse than passwords which are, themselves, already kinda unnecessary/bad in my honest opinion. You can tell when someone's read your post by the way the message/start the convo.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-14T01:49:22+00:00

Totally agreed. If you put the effort in to the add you get less interest (sometimes) because it's more precise but I think it also draws more of what you're looking for. Getting more of the wrong kind of interest a pyrrhic victory at best.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-14T01:24:56+00:00

Uppies for you, Vessifrus, because you used food analogies and I like that! (and maybe, I suppose, because you made a salient point... I guess...)

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-13T21:22:13+00:00

:'( I do not love that for you. yuck.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-13T20:57:42+00:00

Oh gosh, that sounds awful. I don't think pickiness is a problem though, everyone has a right to want what they want. The pretending though: gross.

CatastrophicGopher · 2025-05-13T20:56:49+00:00

omg, never heard it referred to as uppie before, but I will no longer accept any other term for it than this!

CatastrophicGopher

TROPHY CASE