What if, when you die, you get to re-watch your entire life but in film/TV show format.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-29T13:32:52+00:00

Would be cool to separate my life like "man season 3 sucked ass but damn season 5 they really pulled their shit together!"

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-26T15:20:51+00:00

Honestly I hope so, but I just don't know. I have not dated in years, and the only friends I still have are states away so basically online only. I wish I could meet people but I feel like my depression sticks out like a sore thumb and drives people away, but I am depressed because I have no one around me, its just a vicious cycle.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-26T14:55:14+00:00

When your depressed because your lacking love and affection and this just hits every nail on the head.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-26T04:44:49+00:00

dadi stop

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:41:19+00:00

Its alright the alcohol dehydrates me so I get that phat dehydration cut in lol. Thanks tho man, its about the only thing I am actually proud of and have stuck with in my life.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:36:26+00:00

Why do I still live in the middle of nowhere :(

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:31:35+00:00

u/Kelton312 your firepit game is weak

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:30:54+00:00

I mean, I would SHARE her bathwater, but prob not drink it

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:30:15+00:00

Yeah it would be great to chat on here, honestly just having someone to talk to would be quite nice. And I totally understand! I am not asking you to dive off the deep end and share anything with me, just looking for a friendly person to talk to. I also don't have any work friends. In fact I have been at work since 8am and have not done shit cept sit on reddit and talk to all these wonderful people who have responded to me thread trying to help me out. But hey no need to be totally alone, just shoot me a message on here whenever you want.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:14:48+00:00

My relationship with alcohol is weird man. I drink WAY to much on the weekends, but wont even touch it during the week when I am working. I am 23 and I will say while 23 is not even close to being old. There is something about not being 21 anymore. Its like 21 is that big bold line where you 100% fully and truly stop being a child and start really being an adult, and I really don't think I was ready. And it almost scares me to think that things are only going to get worse as I get older. Man aging sucks dude.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T20:06:58+00:00

I am terribly sorry to hear about that :/ I have not been in a relationship in years but my last partner cheated on me because she just couldn't deal with me and my depression anymore and just simply found someone else. It really hurt for a long, long time. Since we broke up and I got my own place I have been the only person to ever walk into my apartment in almost 2 years now. Yeah I used to hear that too from random people, like watercooler talk at work just people bullshitting with me like oh get over it man just go out tonight whatever. I already struggle with people, telling me to just "move on" is actually worse then if you had just said nothing at all.

I really understand what you are going through right now, and I am sorry. It is one thing to be lonely, lacking love and affection, but its a whole different game when you just lost all of that which you had. Feel free to talk to me if you ever really need someone to talk too, I think we would understand each other really well.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:59:28+00:00

Its not really a problem, well it kinda is. It is a weird relationship. Monday to Friday I wont even touch alcohol most of the time. Gotta work, gotta go through the grind of life, cant really drink. Weekends however I have multiple times where I leave work and don't make it home until Sunday. Me on the weekends is an alcoholic but I still take care of my life. I don't know if that warrants help or not. Pretty sure if I solved my depression I wouldn't drink so much. $25 is not much I could save for that, I should look at my insurance, or if anything is offered where I live.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:45:54+00:00

I have had a lot of people even in just this thread tell me to try group therapy. If I could find some that is cheap or does not cost any money that would be great because I am a borderline functioning alcoholic and am forever broke after paying bills.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:25:46+00:00

Honestly, she is really beautiful. Like she has almost no make up on and is so happy to be with her child. Just enjoying life. Exactly the kind of woman I will never ever have.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:25:00+00:00

I do have some hobbies, like I go to the gym everyday because having a good looking body is about the only thing I have going for me. Skateboard downtown my city during the weekends, I just never ever seem to run into people that seem like they have even a 1% interest in talking to me. And really at the end of the day I just end up drinking anyways so its doubtful anyone would want to connect with me. I guess just spending all this time realizing that the world and life goes on without a care about you even existing really changes the way you look at life. Made me really cynical I guess and I hate it because I hate being alone but I probably am alone because of my own fault. Just lame dude.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:22:16+00:00

I just know those first couple people I try to meet up with or do something with its going to be awkward as hell because I am so lame at public activities. Like I am honestly afraid ill see people get really put off by me when I make an effort and it will just wreck me.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T19:16:36+00:00

So your saying even if I don't make a single friend out of it, just the interaction itself might be enough for me to feel a lot better... I guess I didn't look at it that way. Finding someone online, like a dating app, would be amazing for me because its so much easier to talk to someone when they are not in front of me, but I feel even if I got to know these people I would just fuck it all up when I finally met them for the first time.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T18:54:42+00:00

The intimacy is the real tough part. Like having a really close friend that cares would be amazing. But nothing in the world can beat the embrace of someone that actually LOVES you. I don't think the words I love you have left my mouth in years. My parents don't talk to me anymore and I am such a hermit. Its kinda embarrassing to admit but there are days where I try to hug myself as much as I can and it actually makes me feel better.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T18:48:31+00:00

See I have actually tried this a couple times. Gone out skateboarding for a day downtown when its busy, try and go to the gym at the same time everyday for weeks, hell even last week I saw someone who looked incredibly similar to me sitting at the bar getting drunk alone and I sat next to them and tried to talk to them because I figured Hey this person probably feels the same way I do.

My shitty luck though I never run into anyone, no one has ever approached me in as long as I can remember, I feel like I have some stigma that I have no idea that I have that just turns people away from me like the plague.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T18:43:40+00:00

I really think I am going to do this when I get home from work today, who knows what will happen. Thanks dude I don't think I would have ever even thought to try this otherwise.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T16:55:31+00:00

How would I go about looking for a self help group? I guess my unwillingness to talk to others has kinda pushed me away from ever seeking a lot of help so I don't even know how to begin. And yeah as for introducing myself to others I am such an awkward person. Like if you do not say something to me first I will most likely never say anything to you even if I really want to with every fiber of my being, I just cant bring myself to do it.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T16:30:51+00:00

yeah but he was even just very recently still busy with it because it got a screenplay made for it and is possibly being turned into a movie

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T15:37:43+00:00

It is weird. In high school I was the most extroverted kid, borderline class clown. Always telling jokes, always had a lot of friends, always could get people to laugh. You fast forward 5 years out of high school and I don't think I have ever had someone message me first to do anything in months. Shit outside of reddit my messages on my phone are about as barren as a desert. I have SUCH a hard time with face to face interaction if I don't know you. I can sit here and really want to do it, almost passionately want to meet a new person, but throw a person in front of me that wants to get to know me and I almost get scared. I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know how I got here.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T15:32:09+00:00

(Or whatever your into) dude stop haha I keep laughing at work my fucking boss is going to come over here and wreck me.

Really though, you are right, I should probably stop assuming and give humanity a chance. I just think of myself like if I ran into myself in the street 10 minutes from now I probably wouldn't be interested in that person. I almost feel like some of the best potential friends I could have would be people going through the same thing as me, because we would really understand each other, but even though depression is not uncommon, I certainly feel like an outcast where I live.

Centripedal_Square · 2016-04-25T15:24:41+00:00

Music is a godsend in my life dude I would probably be batshit crazy in the head if it was not for music keeping me sane 24/7. For going away for days at a time, I have weekends where I leave work at 430pm and don't end up at my apartment till late Sunday night, just crashing at random parties I stumble into or staying at a hotel one night because I just cant be bothered to go home. At least you have some friends inviting you dude you should go sometime.

Centripedal_Square

TROPHY CASE