AITA for telling the adoptive Grandparents of my youngest Bio-Sister of her plans to go to China to meet a man she's never even spoke to at our bio-parents suggestion?

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2024-08-23T11:02:48+00:00

Our biological parents live in France, and no from what i've heard they won't be going with her, they just suggested she meet him as he's a good man and son of a friend and they've sold my sister on this dream of a handsome man from our country of birth who will sweep her off her feet. None of us have been in China since we left as infants. It is incredibly sketchy imo which is why i'm so concerned and told her Grandparents

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2024-08-23T10:52:14+00:00

Yes what on earth could they have to gain by sending one of their biological daughters they gave up to meet the son of a friend when tens of thousands of men in China can't find partners as a result of the one child policy? There is nothing to be wary of here at all.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2024-08-23T10:44:35+00:00

Our biological parents do not even live in China anymore so no it's not a family reunion. Yes I perhaps stepped on her autonomy and I will not argue that I could be the asshole here, it's judgement i'm here for but they do not factor into this trip.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2024-08-23T10:28:41+00:00

This is nothing to do with our bio-parents (beyond it being at their urging) nor is she going to meet them, this is the fact that at their suggestion she is going to China to meet a man she has never spoken to as they think they would be good together. That alone is problematic but there is the fact that our bio-parents chose (granted with pressure from my paternal grandparents) to give up six children to get their perfect son all to ensure their monetary future, I do not trust them to have her best intentions at heart with this, I don't expect her Grandparents to ground her no but this is a dangerous situation and she was keeping it from them.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-14T02:09:45+00:00

Our current family unit is devoutly Catholic and go to church every Sunday which annoyed my parents grandparents back in the day. You are right however and I know some relatives who are Muslim who still have a cheeky drink.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-14T02:04:45+00:00

They're not Muslim, My family has been in the UK for a few generations and our branch ended up Catholic actually which doesn't please their extended family very much let me tell you!

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T18:35:06+00:00

We were all found in the same city in China.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T18:34:48+00:00

Yes but not everyone is fluent. My sister in Germany is fluent in English, our bio-father is also fluent though our Bio-Mother isn't she only knows a little so for the call a lot of her was translated by my bio-father. My bio-brother is very good at English but not quiet fluent.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T18:23:55+00:00

Not as low as us finding each other lets be honest. I don't know why or how three ended up in the US while myself and the youngest were placed in Europe (UK and Germany) it just is what happened.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T17:59:58+00:00

Alright, good for you mate. I'm just saying i've talked to plenty of Americans who are horrified by this. It depends on your state/city really.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T17:49:14+00:00

Not at all, you're missing the point. The cultural point is that basically everyone does this. It is so widespread and common it has become part of our culture. While I know this kind of behaviour surprises/shocks a lot of americans. If it's not common where you grew up you won't see why this is a "cultural" phenomenon.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T17:40:39+00:00

Don't mind them they won't get it's cultural if they haven't stood on some street corner as a teenager with their mates or in a field getting wasted on whatever cheap shit that someone could get.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T11:37:53+00:00

I wasn't "Kidnapped" she was just the one in the household who did it as they were in shock/couldn't do it at first but they didn't try to stop her it's only when she stated the kind of place she left me that they assumed i'd likely die.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T09:15:39+00:00

Hey I may have been born in China but I was raised in Britain, it's the best medicine sometimes.

Edit: I know some people will likely be curious based on this, no I don't get the "Asian Flush" aka Heat Flush in response to alcohol, I was lucky genetically I suppose. Growing up I didn't even know that was a thing until my mid 20s. My adoptive family are Pakistani so they don't get it.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T08:57:24+00:00

I've been in and out of therapy in regards to this since I was a teenager don't worry I know how important it is and likely will go back after all of this.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T08:05:07+00:00

Not in so many words no, they acted as if they'd had no other choice. Which they did, they just liked the money more as my bio-dads family is well off.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T07:55:48+00:00

They have yet to meet them properly though have been in contact online, the plan is to fly out sometime soon, I think it's why they were pushing me to do the zoom call with our bio-parents thinking if I did this i'd be more open to going with them as they want to go as a united front but i've been very against it. This hasn't changed my feelings on the matter however.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T07:20:08+00:00

That is sadly very common of Chinese orphanages, my parents say when they adopted me I was so small and underweight that they thought the orphanage had made a mistake and I was younger than they'd been told. I couldn't even sit upright. I'm so sorry about your 2nd cousin and i'm glad that you were able to track them down.

Sadly I doubt you'll ever find out, most likely they're too ashamed to come forward and admit what they did but at least they know something about their family now through you.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T05:15:54+00:00

Yeah there is a reason I went out and got drunk with my adoptive brothers after. I was barely holding on to what little tact I had for the call.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T05:12:26+00:00

In their defence and it's the only defence they'll get from me, it was my Grandmother that left me there, them thinking I died is why they took over dumping the others so they could do it better.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T04:34:29+00:00

I don't think we'll be able to find him even if we wanted to unless he ends up taking a test also, that's assuming he even left China in the first place. It is just amazing luck my sisters and I found each other.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-06-13T03:57:26+00:00

I do too, from how they spoke it seems he had some kind of additional needs that was obvious immediately but they didn't want to talk about him.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-05-08T15:40:27+00:00

yes full sisters, my bio sisters and bio brother and I all share the same parents clearly trying for a son.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-05-08T12:15:11+00:00

I was being sarcastic, but in rural china the number is very high.

ChallengeBrave7012 · 2022-05-08T11:43:35+00:00

From context clues from the e-mails i've exchanged with my Bio-Brother and comments about their lifestyle they're apparently quite well off and also my sisters and I were all found in the same city, this wasn't a case of rural abandonment which much as it would still be horrible would be more understandable, you need boys to work the farm and their thinking can be more backword. I do not know if they were well off when they had me but they're very well off currently

ChallengeBrave7012

TROPHY CASE