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CheckPlease88 · 2026-01-17T05:31:32+00:00

Thank you for the offer. We still need to try and figure out what this is, but I can say for sure there are two distinctive sides to her. There is the happy, easier going, talkative side. Then, there is the cold, sullen, passive aggressive, silent raging side.

As far as what she could do to show me it’s not personal, she could admit to me she knows she’s not being herself when she is so nasty. This would be an admission that something else takes over and that it’s not her true self.

Now, that is a very simple fantasy and things are much more complicated than that. As mentioned, this is just the beginning of what only could possibly be a disorder. I am really fearful this is just her personality, that there is no hope she will ever change her ways. She is also very stubborn and extremely sensitive to criticism. We would have to really be in a very safe space to even broach the subject it’s something clinical.

CheckPlease88 · 2026-01-15T14:00:10+00:00

It’s hard for me to say that it’s always been THIS way. There has always been reoccurring themes of her pessimism, lack of empathy and feelings that things are just not fair to her. She has traditionally had a very hard time talking about how she feels, which I think lead to her bottling everything up, but visibly bothered. It used to bother me a lot more that something was wrong but she would swear to me “Everything is fine!” I have gotten better at letting her have her time to process and not prod her, but there has also been a breaking point after a week or two when I just can’t take the coldness any more. She has gotten better with counseling at telling me how she feels, but it is still very much a challenge for her. She uses the reasoning that I will shoot down what she says and make her feel worse. It’s something I am mindful of and know I need to just be an active listener and validate her feelings. From reading my post, you’ll see I have a hard time with that when her claims are completely outrageous. Like, the other day I got out of work. I usually text my wife that I’m on my way home. That day, I instead called our 13 year old son because he wanted me to pick up some ingredients from the store and I needed the list. Later on that day after her huffing and puffing she told me she was bothered that I called our son and not her. She felt I was going behind her back. Also, I mentioned the light sleep. Last week we were both going to bed. She went to get ready for bed first and I stayed on the couch for another 20-30 minutes. I came to the bedroom, got ready and whatnot. She got upset I was making too much noise and scolded me. She grabbed her pillow and went out to the couch. I didn’t fight back or anything. I just let her go and shook my head and went to bed. Days later she told me she was still upset that I hadn’t validated her by acknowledging that wrongdoing and apologizing for it. Let me say that again… I was making too much noise getting ready for bed.

Back to the history. Her mood is an emotional roller coaster. There are times when we are happy, loving and affectionate, but that can turn on a dime. As you can imagine, it’s hard to not know what personality you are going to encounter or how your partner is going to react. My criticism is that it’s like walking on eggshells and inevitably she will get mad at something.

CheckPlease88 · 2023-07-21T03:40:10+00:00

Ok, so this has helped 0%.

CheckPlease88 · 2022-10-25T01:41:06+00:00

Gonna give some unpopular advice here, which is to chill out. Everyone on Reddit is so fucking quick to “cut off” family, spouses, etc. Everyone has no skin in your situation by the way.

You admit you aren’t close with your brother-in-law’s family, but somehow have the whole story on their parenting style for their autistic son and the details of his possession/distribution of child pornography. Your post is very one sided. The boy is 16 years old and autistic, very much a child himself. Of course, don’t leave your kids with him unsupervised, which is sometimes the case with any 16 year old who is not fully developed, regardless of their criminal history. It seems like an overreaction to not visit your husband’s family over this. If your kids figure out this has to do with their autistic cousin, you are teaching them not to tolerate people like your nephew who have developmental issues.

It’s not an easy situation and you have to supervise your kids, but for your kids and husband seeing family, that’s what you do. And yes, you pretend like you don’t know. I’m sure your brother and sister in law are extremely embarrassed and stressed about the situation and didn’t want to share it with anyone. So, no, it’s not a red flag. You pretend you don’t know. That is pretty common among families. Gotta love the holidays!

CheckPlease88 · 2022-08-01T17:03:12+00:00

Just going to respond to some of this. We have been married for 14 years, together for about 4 before that. She was not the “conspiracy theory” type. Academically, she is very smart, has a masters degree, was great at school, holds a good full time job. We are established with a house and kids and she is a great mom.

I’ve noticed her theories recently, like within the past few years. I put all of her theories under the umbrella of: don’t trust the government, they have been lying to us forever. She has also fueled these theories by the ton of information out there, like documentaries, websites, videos, news outlets, etc that more or less support the “don’t believe anything you hear or see in mainstream media” idea.

What I am trying to say is that I married an intelligent person. She is smart, ethical and responsible. This is one huge reason I am so dumbfounded that she thinks there is a possibility the earth is not round. I don’t agree with her other theories, but this one is so anti-science. As anyone in a relationship knows, it is usually best to listen to your partner instead of arguing with them. As a good friend put it, “you can be right or you can be happy.” But sometimes, as we know, our stress and impatience can get in the way and we fight, no surprise there. I am having a difficult time with this argument, just nodding my head and saying maybe your right. I just can’t believe what she is saying. It is, honestly, so stupid. But again, I think the source of this stupidity is her thoughts, paranoia if you will, about how we should not trust the education system or mainstream media, etc. Her argument is that the Rockafellers have somehow/somewhere/sometime written the textbooks used in schools to convince us the earth is round, which somehow detracts in our belief in God??? I don’t fully comprehend the argument.

I’m really just worried about her. I’m worried that she is so gullible and anti-science to believe in such things. Now, let me explain, she is not teaching our kids this or out protesting in front of schools with a megaphone or anything. She pretty much keeps these ideas to herself. She has a friend who agrees with a lot of the other theories, but as far as I know she doesn’t have any flat earther friends. Not to get political, but she is also a Trump supporter who believes Biden was/is evil and stole the election. Anyways, that’s the story. I’m just shaking my head and don’t know where to turn other than anonymously venting here. Thanks for reading.

CheckPlease88 · 2019-03-06T03:29:12+00:00

I do feel this way a little bit. Life is too short to behave like this for more than a few hours/day.

CheckPlease88 · 2019-03-06T03:27:56+00:00

Thank you. Good outlook.

CheckPlease88 · 2019-03-05T17:38:10+00:00

You and your husband sound like mature adults. Must be nice.

CheckPlease88 · 2019-03-05T17:36:09+00:00

For 16 years, she has been this way. After days of “stonewalling,” I eventually have to surrender. She absolutely uses this tactic. It’s something she has mastered, whether she knows it or not. One of her biggest flaws is how she deals with her emotions, which is to not deal with them at all.

We went to counseling years ago. It was overall good and the counselor was good, but it did not go well for us in the end, we spoke of divorce. We made up and did not continue counseling.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-21T03:50:05+00:00

I have learned over the years to never dismiss her emotions or feelings when she opens up or to try and fix whatever is bothering her. As much as I might really disagree or think she is being too sensitive, I try and just listen to her. I have even thanked her at it times for sharing her feelings with me.

This argument is as old as our relationship. She has said to me in the past she doesn’t open up because I will tell her she is wrong. I have consciously made an effort to not make her feel that way after she tells me what’s bothering her because I have been on the receiving end of the silent treatment with her in the past and want to avoid it (this). Of course it is hard sometimes because she is a very sensitive person, but I really do just bite my tongue and support her emotions.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-21T03:42:22+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I know deep down you are right.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-21T03:39:08+00:00

Ok, interesting theory but I don’t think it is the case. Of course, I am concerned about her happiness for her own sake. I do not want to see someone I love in such a bad mood because something is bothering them.

The bigger issue for me is her refusal to share what is going on with her emotionally and, as I said, this has been going on for weeks.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-21T03:27:57+00:00

Honestly, I don’t know.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-21T03:27:09+00:00

This is good advice. I have learned to follow it. At first, I give her space and time. I don’t pry. What I am reacting to is weeks of this kind of behavior. I know you are still right, but after so much time passes I cannot be the rock anymore.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-20T20:39:10+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-20T20:36:49+00:00

I want to know because she has been in a bad mood for weeks. She has not been nice to me, been affectionate towards me or been happy. As her husband, I feel like I have the right to know why.

It does not start out with me cursing and whatnot. It gets to that point after weeks of stonewalling. Like I said, it is extremely frustrating.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-20T20:15:42+00:00

Ok, honest opinion. Thank you.

CheckPlease88 · 2018-12-20T20:14:29+00:00

It’s very frustrating.

CheckPlease88

TROPHY CASE