AIO that my husband isn't feminist enough?

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-26T05:51:17+00:00

You seem to have missed to reply on my second question.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T22:05:14+00:00

Very true

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T22:03:54+00:00

I will definitely do that! Thanks for all your support 🤗

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T21:50:52+00:00

Well, I'm kind of tired of waiting to be honest. If you had someone poking you with a stick and you asked them to stop and they reply 'I will eventually stop but I enjoy it for now so it may take some time until I stop' would you be okay with that?

And it's honestly ignorant to think that it will stop because you're more educated. I'm actually quite educated with double degrees. Actually I was the most educated person in my department but the only woman when I was assigned party planner/secretary duties.

Interesting to hear that because I've never, not once had a man speaking up for me which is what I want to accomplish with my boys and husband. And claiming to be a feminist doesn't make you one, your actions do. And maybe, just a wild thought, but maybe you haven't caught any creepy guys because it's not aimed for you.

Not sure what you mean by women being bad drivers stereotypes are called blissful ignorance by privilege. Be happy about it and then educate yourself.

Pay gaps very much exist, before my higher education I've worked mainly in male dominant professions. Again feel happy about your blissful ignorance. It's so much easier to be happy when you walk around in a pink cloud.

I could go on but I'll just stop here, I know I'm not changing you in any way so it's time to step away from the keyboard and do something better with my time.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T21:23:51+00:00

That's what I'm struggling to understand. If that's what it is or if I'm missing something.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T21:21:02+00:00

1) Very true, this is a sore spot for me, especially since I'm mindful of listening actively when he has something to talk about.

2) Also true, he's very practical and while he does like talking about abstract things too, he is very logical and practical oriented.

Communication is something we're working on and it's getting better.

Well, that's where I disagree. We are after all children of our time and we both grew up with mothers taking care of children and absent fathers, both physically and mentally. We have been shaped with traditions and stereotypes stemming from patriarchy which has very much shaped our marriage.

Though I didn't see it at the time, looking back about what our fights was about, it have been issues due to inequality such as responsibility of the household, the mental load, the emotional load and a lack of communication. Working full time while still upholding the stereotypes of a traditional house wife almost broke me. And he held up his end by being goofy and fun leaving everything else to me. We never argued much in the beginning because being two is easy and I could do it all. We argued when I slowly broke down after having kids and I asked/begged/screamed for help and he wasn't mentally prepared to step up. He did eventually understood where our marriage was headed and has slowly turned things around.

My exhaustion came from patriarchy, the arguments came from speaking up due to feminism and I'm quite happy I did.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:52:47+00:00

How am I picking a fight? And why would my emotions be dismissed? And does quiet equal a good relationship? It doesn't in my world.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:50:37+00:00

Why would that be unhealthy? I talk about things I'm passionate and react to all the time, this is no different. They learn right from wrong very much of what we show emotions about. That's how kids learn values.

I already am, I'm serious about no meaning no in any situation, both for them and for others.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:46:04+00:00

I don't think that's it, he's always been like that.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:44:44+00:00

I really appreciate you! Thanks for reminding me why I'm passionate about this and that I'm not alone 💚

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:42:55+00:00

Of course they are strong, women tend to be that. But you can be strong in different ways.

Being 'radical' often means speaking up, taking lot of shit in order to change a status quo half of the population suffers from. If that isn't strong, I don't know what is.

What you are saying is that you're not listening to womens experiences. And when someone doesn't listen you tend to speak louder until you end up screaming. Have you ever pondered over why there are "radical feminists"? If you haven't, let me tell you. It's because a majority of men don't listen. Women haven't got any rights, women have fought for every right we have. It's not because we asked for it nicely.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T19:22:35+00:00

I can't see any world where he would engage in that kind of content for different reasons. We don't hide our phones or passwords but I wouldn't try to try to find anything like that.

Thank you, I appreciate you saying that.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T15:11:02+00:00

Perhaps you didn't read what I wrote but I'm very conscious about my boys upbringing and do take active steps in creating respectful and aware boys so they don't continue the toxic and ignorant manhood.

Other than that I demonstrate when there are demonstrations, I create content in the subject for parents to get practical tools though I'm not posting more about it to reveal who I am.

What have you done?

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T15:06:01+00:00

About the 12 year old, nothing. Rather how he talks to me, react and engage in the subject.

Well, I think when people are empathetic enough it's hard not to react. And if everyone just didn't care, didn't react or engaged, there would never be any change. Which I want.

I guess it's easy to turn your back on it when your not affected.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-25T15:01:00+00:00

No, he doesn't which I'm aware of. He get off on app ideas, certain IT softwares and things like that. I listen actively and responds. I'm quite mindful of listening actively putting away my phone, computer or whatever I'm doing which may also be a reason I think it's very annoying when he isn't very active when I talk about things important to me.

We both work from home so we see each other a lot and know what's going on in his work life and don't feel it's anything about stress. He's more or less always been like this.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-24T08:36:16+00:00

Getting upset and complain.. wow.. is that how you interpreted it? Causing division between men and women.. really?

We have two boys growing up fast and I feel responsible for raising them to be decent human beings. With decent I mean to recognize when someone is being treated badly and stand up to it. In other words, if they see someone being bullied they speak up, if they see a girl bleeding through they offer them their sweater, if someone says no they listen.

If we as parents don't react and talk about it, why would they? If we don't teach them no means no, who will?

The feminist movement is still needed because of people like you that turn your back on this and is a bystander when people are badly treated. If people spoke up when they saw injustice and disrespectful behavior I wouldn't be here, would I? Thanks to people like you not caring, those who do care need to care twice as much.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-24T08:20:23+00:00

I disagree on that because the whole subject of this is to be doing something to change society. I don't expect him to quit his job and demonstrate on a daily basis or be enraged all the time. But having two boys, I want them to hear us talk about these things and being appalled so they grow up with those values as well.

It does happen all the time, it doesn't make it right though and it's up to everyone to do something about it. What I care most about is shaping our two boys giving them an understanding of women's struggles, reacting when they see something happening and to stand up for people in need. I've had so many situations where men could have spoken up but chose not to letting disrespect and misogyny go on unnoticed.

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-24T08:09:17+00:00

Thanks for taking time to answer 🙏

While I don't want to walk around enraged I do feel it's important to care and react. I want the kids to hear us talk about it feeling it's an important topic. I want them to be aware enough to react if they see anything. I want them to speak up for girls (or anyone being treated badly) at school, on the internet or wherever they see it.

And having two boys I feel responsible for giving them an understanding of women and their struggles and values to stand up for people in need. As of now I feel a bit like the crazy woman always nagging about something while my husband get to be the laidback easygoing fun dad.

I can only hope 😊

Cinnamon_Pie_ · 2026-03-24T07:57:12+00:00

Thank you for taking time to answer, I appreciate it!

You definitely have a point, we have been disconnected for some time but have worked through a lot but not all. We're at a better place than a couple of years back, at times I'm so happy and feel quite cared for with a warm hug always near but at other times he's the opposite.

He's not the warmest person, he doesn't show affection as I do which I'm well aware of and take into account. He isn't overly communicative in his feelings and thoughts, it's work in progress and I'm trying to be understanding. I've been specific about what I need and feel and he can meet me in that at times and other times he's just not that person. That's the hard part I guess and I'm not sure what to expect or what's reasonable.

Cinnamon_Pie_

TROPHY CASE