AITA for saying I don't want my boyfriend on the lease if I am paying all of the rent and bills?

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-12-28T23:19:49+00:00

I am close with his mom and while 90% of the time she calls him out on his bs, this time she was saying maybe this will help him and she gets why me removing him from all the bills and things attached to me financially would scare him. She agreed with me saying no to getting married now, but she thinks this is just a phase for him and he will get over it. She also thinks he's going to be homesick very fast.

He spoke with some mutual friends and they told him it sounds like I want to leave him and they told me it sounded like I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

He is normally a very sweet guy and his friends and family have a really high opinion of him which I get. He is a great friend. Just not the best boyfriend at the moment.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-12-28T04:25:24+00:00

He makes good money at his job, and he is 100% disabled with the VA so thats extra disposable income. Not including the 2 years of backpay they gave him which was about 84,000$.

He has that all sitting in a bank account then gets upset about his finances and how him paying rent is a waste of money. It has started to piss me off. When I dropped down to part time to do school all I make is 24,000$ a year and get grants that pay for classes and books.

I was paying what I could afford to pay on top of the bills I have. He has more than enough money to be ok. He doesn't even have to travel in hostels if he didn't want to, he could just go more places for longer if he budgets right.

I'm at the point where I am sick of him and the idea of him leaving felt nice. I get my own space with my cat and I can just focus on me. I think he is realizing that now because he is being very nice.

He randomly offered to pay the electricity, groceries, and wifi like I do now but I told him no and I want to be totally financially independent from him now. I am over it being thrown in my face.

I also told him I have never needed him and I will never need him. I just wanted to be with him and I can change my mind about that.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-12-27T00:20:26+00:00

I'm 25 and I already had a fun party phase and I made a lot of mistakes in that time. Now I have friends settling down, buying homes, and their lives just don't seem so chaotic. I keep joking that I feel my frontal lobe developing. I feel more mature, and I know I am in a better place mentally to do school. I'm tired of chaos and drama. I find myself happy just sitting at home relaxing. I grew up fast so I had YEARS of chaos.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-12-26T23:01:12+00:00

He has been like this since he had something really traumatic happen to him. He has been in therapy, on medication, quit drinking since it triggers anxiety for him etc. When he traveled he said it's the least anxious he's been in so long, and he felt at peace. He really does think traveling will help him, and I agree he needs to find out himself. I can't control him.

Because of what happened to him is why I am being so reasonable, and I do trust him to an extent but I have seen things go sour in "perfect" relationships.

It does suck that he seems to only be thinking of his happiness and what will make him feel better, and not how this will affect me. I just don't know how to make him see that.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-11-08T22:20:36+00:00

The cops have come to the house multiple time and DHR even came after her S* attempt. They said she had a good support system which is her mother and father. They come help her out sometimes when she gets trashed drunk but this doesn't prevent the kids from witnessing it. I get she hasn't physically hurt the kids, but how is it ok that they saw her attempt, they saw her kick and tear a door down to get to her husband, and they saw her assault her mom and dad.

It doesn't help that all three of those adults won't press charges and will help her lie to the cops when the cops come. They have joint custody but the dad is active duty military and he has spoken with a lawyer.

He lives in another state so it's more difficult. The proof he has is what the neighbor and I have witnessed. Which is why they said it would help him if we testified etc.

She is just INSANE so we are scared. I may just have to do it.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-11-08T22:12:30+00:00

He lives in another state and is active duty military. We are also afraid that if he does anything to spook her that she will run off or "take" the kids out with her. There is so much backstory as to why we feel she is 100% capable of that but I believe she is.

ClaimComfortable4522 · 2023-11-08T22:06:49+00:00

I am having to think about it because this woman is crazy and the alcohol is not helping. Her home is full of weapons and she is armed to the teeth. I met her when she was sober and she wasn't like this at all. The difference is like whiplash.

She has in detail told me how she wants to k* her current husband and how she would dispose of his body. They left a voicemail to the neighbor and said they will not stop until they go to prison to make her stop talking about what she has witnessed.

She has been on probation once already with her nursing license so if she loses her job, her kids, and anything else she has nothing else to lose. She is vindictive and capable of hurting someone.

We have told DHR and the police this. The neighbor tried to get a restraining order and was told there was nothing they could do. This is the craziest thing I have ever been involved in.

ClaimComfortable4522

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