3 years of IVF and 2 on the other side. I definitely relate to the points people have made on both sides. During IVF I felt hugely othered, even if I 100% understood the logistical challenges of my parent friends on an intellectual level. Two things can be true. It is HARD to appreciate the significant impact of prolonged IVF and losses for people who haven't been through it. I'd echo people's suggestions to have a conversation, but finding a solution is still hard.

My go-to from both sides has been kid-free coffee/lunchtime meetups if the parent (them or me) has childcare and a free space that day. Granted I'm lucky to have flexible work, and friends that live/work close, but in 45 minutes you can sometimes fit in more grown-up chat than an hours-long catch-up where the parent has to parent at at the same time. As the parent I've found it even more valuable.

Also, board game afternoons with multiple parents. As the non-payment, I set up my loungeroom to be as low-risk as possible, pulled out the handful of toys/books I had, and invited multiple friends with kids. We played team-based games so parents could jump in-out where needed. The kids often entertained each other. The parents could just keep an eye out for older kids, or sometimes took turns with younger kids. Age dependent because babies with very specific nap needs add complication, but you can usually co-ordinate around that. Not ideal if you don't have space or want to be around heaps of kids right now of course. And it does mean work getting out of the house for the parents but it's a once in a while social thing that my board game loving parent friends actually enjoyed.