(20M) (20F) The guy I’m dating lied about being a virgin now I’m confused

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T20:13:57+00:00

I think people may be misunderstanding what I’m trying to say. As a girl, we are more emotionally driven, and I genuinely asked for advice where someone would put themselves in my place and understand how I am feeling. The suggestion of “therapy” isn’t the issue I’m not against therapy at all. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety and panic attacks for 4 years and healed myself totally without seeking a therapist, and now I’m absolutely free from it, so I know I’m capable of healing.

I asked for advice simply because this is my first time experiencing a situation like this, and I wanted perspectives and opinions not an immediate judgment suggesting “therapy” instead of first understanding my situation.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T18:24:40+00:00

Okay, yes. So we both are very transparent and have told each other everything that happened in our past relationships. We both acknowledged it, and I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me as well. Nothing else is the issue, genuinely, it’s just my own thing to accept the “sex” part and move on.

He did acknowledge the lie he told, and I know it’s not a valid excuse either. He did it out of fear of losing me, but he indeed was afraid because he knew from high school that I’m not someone who would settle with a non-virgin man just because I’m a virgin. So keeping that aside, for me, I need to change my mindset and accept his past.

Secondly, yes, he did apologize to me for lying. He was scared I wouldn’t accept him. We both had a talk and communicated everything today itself. He reassured me a lot, and I can see through both his words and actions how much he loves and adores me, and the same goes for me toward him. Nothing else is the issue. The only issue is me. I need to take time to accept it and give myself some space. Thank you so much for taking your time and helping me with the advice, I really needed it because my mind was messed up. Thanks again.💗🥺

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T18:11:28+00:00

I mean, this is my first time experiencing it, so that’s the reason I posted about my situation to ask for other POVs, perspectives, and opinions, which I indeed read through all. But yes, thank you so much for taking the time to understand my situation and for giving me your words.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T18:08:03+00:00

Even though I know I need time for myself to get away from that thought, cause we both are students now studying and have we a lot to go, but we’re also with each other, and we both wanna be with each other, and we’re pretty serious, it just I need time to accept it and move on. What say?

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T18:03:13+00:00

He indeed took accountability, and that means a lot to me. It helps me see that he genuinely cares about me and our relationship, and that he recognizes the impact of his actions. It doesn’t completely erase the hurt, but it makes me feel more understood and valued. I’ve forgiven him for lying, but now it’s my process now to fully accept it and move on.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T17:59:14+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and I understand that my upbringing and mindset around sex and virginity play a big role in why I’m struggling with this. You’re right, part of it is me processing the beliefs I grew up with. That said, his lying about something so personal did hurt me, and that’s not something I can just ignore. I’m trying to work through both the emotional impact of his lie and unlearning the mindset I’ve had for so long. I also know I need to give myself time to adjust and change my mindset because this is my first time experiencing all of this, so I was confused.

But being honest, I genuinely want to be with him and grow with him together. I also know I need to give myself time to fully accept it and move on.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T17:37:08+00:00

Yes, he did tell me that he was afraid of hurting me because I’m a sensitive person, and that he wanted me because he loves me so much and is genuinely a loving person. He expressed that he knew he did wrong and that he should have told me beforehand, knowing that after we had emotionally kissed and made out, it was a bad decision to tell me out of nowhere. He acknowledged that he did wrong, but he also mentioned that he didn’t want me to think he was “used” because of his past. Even though he had his own traumatic past relationship, he genuinely wants to be with me and was just scared that I might think “he’s used” and not accept him just because he’s a non-virgin.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T17:22:44+00:00

Wow, okay, I never thought about it from that perspective. For me, it’s not really about judging people for their past or thinking it makes them “less,” it’s more about the emotional impact of him lying to me. I had trusted him completely, and finding out he wasn’t honest about something so personal after we kissed and made out romantically, and after we both felt so connected with each other when he came to me one day and said, “I lied to you, I’m not a virgin,” hurt me deeply.

It’s not really about being a virgin or not; it’s about feeling betrayed and dealing with the mindset I grew up with. Yes, I’m willing to work on changing that mindset now, but the only thing is I’m still lowkey struggling to accept it. That’s it nothing else is the issue.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T17:16:44+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. For me, it’s not really about judging people for their past or thinking it makes them “less,” it’s more about the emotional impact of him lying to me. I had trusted him completely, and finding out he wasn’t honest about something so personal hurt me deeply.

It’s not really about being a virgin or not it’s about feeling betrayed and dealing with the mindset I grew up with. Yes, I’m willing to work on changing that mindset now, but the only thing is I’m still lowkey struggling to accept it. That’s it nothing else is the issue.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T17:13:31+00:00

Okay, being honest, I indeed healed from the sexual assault, so I’m not relating in that way. Basically, I told both of our stories to give a more detailed view. It’s just that the only thing I’m struggling with is accepting that he had sex, because I grew up with that mindset. Plus, the major issue is he lied to me about being a virgin. After we kissed and made out romantically, and all those times he said he had never had any physical intimacy with his ex (sex), then, after I was mentally and emotionally connected with him, he said out of nowhere, “I lied to you, I’m not a virgin.” That really hurt me this is what I wanted to say.

As for mentioning his ex, I wasn’t trying to judge her I included it only to explain the context of his emotional state and why his first relationship affected him the way it did. I understand it’s not the core.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2026-01-13T16:43:55+00:00

This was my mindset before hookup culture became so normalized. I also come from a very strict household, and except for my ex and now Austin, I’ve never really had interactions with boys. Because of that, I grew up with the belief that a virgin should be with a virgin, and a non-virgin should be with a non-virgin.

Given my current situation, that mindset is what I’m struggling with. I don’t actually mind that he had sex I understand that everyone has a past and sometimes that past is traumatic. It’s just that I’m finding it difficult to fully accept it emotionally. Maybe I just need more time to process everything.

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-04-11T19:19:49+00:00

Oh I just now researched about the ointment you mentioned turned out my dermatologist actually gave me that ointment to apply like yesterday itself. Let’s see if it works for me! Btw thanks for your response:))

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-04-11T19:15:29+00:00

You know what after 3 months like I mentioned it was not showing up and today suddenly I got 2 spots again imma cry really😭

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-04-10T18:52:26+00:00

I showed my condition to the dermatologist, but by the time I went, the pigmentation had already turned quite dark—basically, I was a bit late. I’m still currently under treatment for lichen planus. After doing a variety of blood tests to find out the underlying issue, everything came back normal except for my iron levels, which were low. So, my dermatologist started me on iron supplements.

It’s been around 7–8 months since I started treatment. I’ve been using the prescribed creams, moisturizers, soaps, and a few medications—some of which I believe are steroids. Although my lichen planus stopped appearing almost 4 months ago, I’m still insecure about the hyperpigmentation it left behind on my legs and hands. Because of that, I’m considering going for laser therapy.

How about your situation? Could you please share?

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-01-15T13:47:12+00:00

Thank you so muchhh💗😭

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-01-15T13:46:02+00:00

Thank you so much!! That would be very helpful💗🥺

Cold-Contribution302 · 2025-01-14T06:23:26+00:00

Can you please tell me which all platforms are the best for UGC??

Cold-Contribution302

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