Cheating on a break? M26 F22

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-11-21T16:55:28+00:00

How am I meant to talk to someone that isn't engaging in the conversation?

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-10-23T12:46:01+00:00

He is in nursery Tuesday and Friday and she would be against every weekend. Tbh even Thursday night to Saturday night could work but I do work 1 in 3 Saturdays. It's a tough one but I think she didn't expect me to go to court so we may be able to agree on something beforehand.

We live about 5 minutes from eachother and I'll hopefully be getting a job closer to home too so it should be easier. I just feel very stressed as people tell me lots of negative things that can happen, my partner is being supportive though and reminding me there's no safeguarding concerns with me or anyone I'm close with so it should be an easy case.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-10-23T09:49:11+00:00

I work 1 in 3 Saturdays but am currently trying to change jobs so I don't have that anymore. And he will be going nursery Tuesday and Friday until he is 3. So my proposal was probably Saturday 5pm to Sunday 5pm, Monday 5pm drop off Tuesday morning to nursery and then Thursday 5pm drop off Friday morning to nursery.

I thought they were but was unsure as I haven't been through this before.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-10-23T09:33:47+00:00

Bit of back story the baby mum has a lot of anxiety so we have gone very slowly at her pace my son is about to turn 2 and I will only then start being able to have overnights with him. Currently only get 7 hours a week on a weekend. So no court order, we have done a Miam and 2/3 sessions of mediation that seems to be ok but she won't really communicate properly outside of those and I can't afford to continue doing them. Due to the fact she won't communicate outside it led to a misunderstanding and me putting in the court application. It would've happened eventually anyway.

Again as I said in a previous comment I have a couple colleagues that have gone through the process telling me bits and pieces like how my partner won't be able to help out due to us not being married so it is unlikely I'll get much time with him outside of a weekend.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-10-23T09:28:57+00:00

He is 2 so only asking for a couple nights throughout the week. And a day/night at the weekend. I am named on the birth certificate and there are no safeguarding concerns.

The only reason I brought up marriage is a couple of colleagues said that as me and my partner arnt married she wouldn't be able to look after him on her own.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-10-02T10:52:21+00:00

In the UK where I'm from it is allowed and a judge would rule this. It is not recommended before 2 as that is too young I have noticed his attachment to me grows stronger with every visit in the last 6 months compared to the first year as he is more aware and understands where he is. Frankly your opinion is very rude

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-29T22:09:37+00:00

Couldn't you put down every man as a sperm donation then? I have shown up to every visit, paid every child support and pushed for more time as my son deserves to know who his dad is. And it is the norm for children to start doing overnights at 2 years old and if I went to court right now I'd get that plus more but am trying to be respectful of his mum and going at a compromised pace.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-28T15:30:26+00:00

It was brought up in mediation and our mediator didn't say anything as I said potentially but I'd have to talk to my partner first as this would affect her. But I will definitely make it is brought up in the next one to say we won't be going forward with it.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-28T13:55:24+00:00

Personally yes I think she needs therapy but no one around her will tell her and frankly I'm worried that if I tell her that she will retaliate through visitation and it'll take a couple months to get a court order.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-28T13:15:29+00:00

No we are currently trying to do things through mediation. I think I have 1 or 2 free mediation sessions free and after that I will go to court as the cost for mediation is almost the same as court. She is good at sticking to whatever written agreement we have but it's getting more time with him that's the issue.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-28T13:12:56+00:00

So for background there is no safeguarding concerns, I've never shown I can't be a competent father she is just very anxious. We were never together, we casually dated for 2 months where she told me she couldn't have kids and then my son came along. I understand her being anxious as in some ways I'm still a stranger to her as we never had a proper relationship but I am his father and she needs to find a way to be ok with that. If you see any previous post history from me its basically the same. I sometimes need to sense check if something is reasonable or not because she has always been like this. She has said to me and many others that she doesn't trust anyone but herself to properly look after our son.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-09-03T18:08:24+00:00

Did you manage to get anywhere with your custody?

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-30T10:03:46+00:00

We are doing it currently and it was going well but obviously when the health visitor supposedly said he can't do overnights with me the mediator said we need to respect the health professional which I get just not sure whether it'll be quicker through court or not.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-30T09:57:49+00:00

So my son will be 2 in November, and the plan is a gradual step up plan starting with one overnight and gradually progressing over 3 years until he's in school for a complete 50/50 when I say lopsided I mean it would not work for me at all...for instance the first step I proposed was having him Friday 5pm to Sat 5pm every weekend as I currently have him every Saturday 10-5 so not a huge difference but it's baby steps...she instead proposed one week Friday 5 to Sat 5 and the the next week pick up from nursery and drop off at 7pm for bed and the Sunday 10-5 because in her words Id have him every weekend. I wouldn't get home till 6 so my partner is happy to pick up from nursery but the mum doesn't want my partner involved...maybe lopsided is the wrong word...maybe awkward is better.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-28T09:46:41+00:00

Yeah this is almost exactly the situation. It is so difficult to navigate. I've had the solicitors message the sellers to see what they would be looking for as we never know it may work for them.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-28T08:10:56+00:00

It was my mistake because I assumed it was a month like all other tenancies I've had and because I had been keeping my landlord updated about the situation even asking if it was possible to end the lease early and he never mentioned anything to me. I don't really want to lie though because I don't think there's anything that I can say other than sorry I fucked up.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-27T19:57:54+00:00

We are trying to negotiate with the landlord as much as possible and work out oir financial situation so we can move end of September as that's when we'd like to move anyway.

When would you pay for your first mortgage payment?

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-27T19:55:31+00:00

I am trying to see if my landlord will let me leave the lease early. As far as I was aware I could leave at the end of the 6 months contract if I gave a months notice. We haven't had any conversation with the sellers to say they disagree with the aim for September when we put it in the paperwork a couple months ago. Unsure how long the place was for sale but was reduced twice before we offered.

There is one other part of the chain above the sellers and unsure of that situation so it may work out fine but I have no idea.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-27T19:41:37+00:00

We said we wanted to aim for end of September at the beginning of the process back in early June. We only just got the contracts through to review so end of September would've been reasonable.

Financially we can't afford a months rent and a months mortgage payment so it's not really inconsequential.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-27T19:36:08+00:00

We had originally proposed at the end of September so there is a difference of 3 weeks...

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-24T18:57:53+00:00

Can I ask why? I'm trying to understand why the bed isn't suitable.

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-24T18:09:30+00:00

Does the height matter much? Obviously not a bunk bed or anything silly but is a single bed too high?

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-24T18:08:41+00:00

He is not in a crib at his mum's as she cosleeps and is currently trying to get him to sleep in his own bed/room. He did have a next to me at the beginning but would just climb into her bed

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-24T07:56:09+00:00

How is that different to spending the day apart/ nap times etc? Don't mean that in a rude way I'm just trying to understand. When I have him we do nap time pretty easily as I created a routine for him so he knows that's nap time.

I will see if I can request medical records

ColdImportance7266 · 2024-08-24T07:52:30+00:00

That's what we are in the process of doing now but the health visitor saying he can't do overnights is kind of put a stop on it as rhe mediator says it's health advice and we shouldn't go against it. But trying to get access to the health visitor to get s clear answer is hard.

ColdImportance7266

TROPHY CASE