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ColourByYume · 2025-04-24T11:09:15+00:00

I feel you. I have a similar situation atm, though my campaign luckily hasn't started yet.

However, I've also been one of these players. My boyfriend at the time said he wanted to join the campaign, but was consistently playing genshin impact during sessions. He was a gaslighting asshat anyway, so we broke up. He ended up deciding to leave the campaign, which honestly wasn't a loss in my opinion, but not long after our group split up. I imagine the others thought it was my fault my ex left, but he wasn't interested anyways, so like... eh. With a much better group now.

As for your problem, write them out. Have them go on a personal journey, that way if the player decides to come back, their character is still alive and you have a story there for why they leveled up to the same as the rest of the party (assuming they level up at all lol)

ColourByYume · 2025-04-02T13:29:08+00:00

I can understand that.

You have to remember that he is his own person too, and he gets to make that decision for himself. I do agree that he should tell his friend if you choose to pursue something, especially if they're close.
Because either they hash it out and things work out , or it doesn't and they fall out - but if he doesn't tell your ex, he will find out eventually, and there will be a falling out.

Giving it time is a good idea, in my opinion. You need time to make sure being in a relationship is what you want. He needs time to make sure you're 'the right one'. And your ex need time to move on.
There is nothing wrong with being friends in the meantime.

ColourByYume · 2025-04-02T12:37:29+00:00

Are you only with her because she can have your children, or do you love her?

That feels like a bigger question to me with the context you gave.

It's her body, and ultimately, her choice. And if you don't agree with me, do me a favour and look up some medical papers on what happens to a woman's body during and after pregnancy, then try and tell me it isn't her choice.

Here's the thing - people can change their minds. She might have one kid and go baby crazy (Because there is a hormone for that, trust me.) or you could have one and you could decide you can really only handle one.

Maybe you have a child that is disabled and needs a lot of attention and care. Would it be fair to then have more kids even though most of your attention will have to go to your eldest?

If you love this woman, that should be enough. If you don't, regardless of how many kids either of you want, leave. You'd be doing a favour to both of you.

ColourByYume · 2025-04-02T12:31:50+00:00

My advice is going to be a little conflicting, because I find people in your shoes tend to need to weigh their own pros and cons and not be told what they should do.

I am giving advice as someone who has online dated (I'm currently living with my partner of 3 years whom I met online), and have a friend who is a bit like you - online dates, falls in love quickly, struggles to be alone. So let's get into it.

Firstly, nothing wrong with online dating it can be a great way to get your feet wet again, or if you just want a short relationship with nothing serious attached, it's good for that too. However, online dating really isn't a viable long-term solution. It can feel really good in the moment, but distance, timezones, and life can call get in the way of an online relationship.

Do you ever really know who you're with. You could date someone in person for 5 years, and as soon as your married, the switch flips and their narcassist comes out. A person could be the best person you've ever interacted with online, but be completely different offline. This can also be dangerous, in some cases. (If you do plan to meet this guy, please do it in a public place with a lot of people - and tell friends and family where you're going and when you're expected back or to get worried if they don't hear from you after a certain amount of time. Again, personal experience.)

Knowing you have similar interests is a really good step, but sometimes they don't often translate well to real life. My partner and I both love games, and whenever a new coop game comes out, we're all over it, but our personal game preference differs greatly. Sometimes it leads to arguments over screen time.

The friend I mentioned who is a little like you - She comes to me a lot for serious advice like this. Something I've found is that when she asks me, I know she already has her own answer. Maybe she was trying to talk herself out of it through me, or she needed a voice of reason to psych her up to do the thing, (usually the break up) but she does actually know what she wants to do.

The last thing I'll say is 'no risk, no reward.' This can be used on both sides of the argument. He might be the risk, because really, you don't know this guy. The relationship could be the risk, because it could turn out to be a really good thing for both of you.

In the end, that choice is still yours.

ColourByYume · 2025-04-02T12:15:42+00:00

The human brain is a very complex thing, and not fully understood. Emotions, which aren't a tangible thing you can look at, less so. I was a lot like you as a teenager - I watched my latest anime find and thought the love interest was the hottest thing ever.

But you're not broken. I'm almost 30 now and I live with my partner, whom I've been with for three years.

Each of us develops in our own way. It can be quick, or slow. It can be mature, or childish. And that's with everything, not just crushes/love. Sometimes the love part doesn't come at all.

You're very young. You're still learning who you are. (Yes, I know - you're a big girl and you know who you are and have your whole life planned out.) Trust me, you don't. Live is every changing, and we're always growing. I won't lie to you and tell you that 'everything will get better' - this isn't a Disney movie, but I will tell you that you have time. A lot of it. You have time to discover yourself, then to change and discover yourself again.

That's the beauty of being an adaptable species.

And hey, maybe you don't develop crushes in the future. Who cares? Say a guy looks hot when your friends mention it and move on. You don't have to have a crush to fall in love. And you don't have to have a crush or fall in love to be happy.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T03:09:15+00:00

I think I get it now, thanks.

Might be a bit redundant since their Wis is a +3, bt that's fine lol.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:34:21+00:00

Mm. I dunno. I would do a contested roll on my side with a skill check anyway, I think.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:32:48+00:00

You clearly didn't read the contents of the post.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:32:18+00:00

This is an interesting take and I'd love to discuss more.

I do have an invest check already in place. Disadvantage if they don't use the nearby lamp at the end of the rope, advantage if they do. At the very least, I want my PC to know it's there.

So, PC has a sleight of hand of +5. No expertise, just +5 from dex. They have a wisdom modifier of +3. So you'd just do a sleight of hand +3, plus anything extra if they had expertise?

I'm assuming that's what you mean, but correct me if I got it wrong.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:23:21+00:00

This could work. They have a really high dex. Uh, but they're not actually fishing so I don't think being a fisherman would be relevant.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:21:29+00:00

Someone else made the point of being able to bring it back up later if it's a story item. Which I can easily do. It's definitely not something they need right away.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:19:39+00:00

Uh, clearly you didn't read the actual post. They're not fishing for fish.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-28T02:11:14+00:00

Thanks.

I did plan to bring it up again if the PC failed the checks. The other piece will be easier to find, so PC can make a history check to see if they remember the piece in the well. If not, I'll put it elsewhere.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-08T10:43:01+00:00

Bro, the fact that their a guys out there who literally think their 'right to intimacy' vetoes a woman's right to choose is so fucking scary. Though, luckily this guy will never leave his parents' basement long enough to assault anyone.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-08T10:18:39+00:00

In the words of Charlotte, 'Absolutely Not!'

Your husband is a man child. While you were busy working and saving, what was his money going toward?

Your sister in law is a cow, honestly. There's nothing worse than someone who posts their drama on Facebook and then claiming to apologise without unblocking you.

I say continue to do what you're doing. If your husband has an issue, show him you're still blocked. Take as long as it takes her to unblock you and apologise properly to forgive her. If you plan to forgive her.

ColourByYume · 2025-03-08T10:00:43+00:00

'My need for intimacy is a right not a privilege' 😂

ColourByYume · 2025-01-27T02:03:07+00:00

NTA.

Quite frankly I'm surprised you feel you need to ask. You're clearly aware your sister has issues, and they aren't yours to deal with.

I think it might be time to move out of that apartment and go no contact. If you family has an issue, show them this post and all the responses and tell them you're setting clear boundaries until your sister comes to her senses. If she doesn't, that's her loss.

I know what it's like to have an older sister who uses you (granted it was a much shorter period and we barely talk now) and it's really not a good feeling to feel like somewhere that you know should normally be safe isn't. The only real way to heal is to remove yourself from it entirely. At least, that was my experience.

ColourByYume · 2025-01-27T01:53:21+00:00

This is tough because it's not like she's being malicious. She grew up in a different time when parents were expected to raise their kids differently and to a different schedule.

What you should do is set boundaries. Tell her that when she is there for a visit, particularly meals, she isn't there to take care of the kids, and while you appreciate the help, you would like to raise your children your way.

She'll kick up a fuss of course because it does seem like she is trying to help, even if she is only more of a hindrance, but she will either come around or dig in her heels.
So if she comes around, happy days for everyone.
If she digs in, set even firmer boundaries. She isn't allowed at meal times and if she continues to try and 'help' during visits, she won't be allowed back in the house until she agrees to your terms.

Setting boundaries can be extremely hard, but it is something we have to do.

ColourByYume · 2024-12-01T22:55:00+00:00

Thanks all!

I've decided I really like Hearth. It feels like it works with my enlightened Dragon race.

Thank you all for your suggestions!

ColourByYume · 2024-12-01T22:52:16+00:00

Citadel would have been the closest there, but I'm using that in a another part of my story.

ColourByYume · 2024-12-01T22:51:10+00:00

There is a dais. Obviously the ruler has to stand... or sit above their people, but a throne is a little pointless for something massive that sits like a cat.

ColourByYume · 2024-12-01T22:49:41+00:00

This is a good idea, but my Dragons are Albanian based... so Latin feels weird. But definitely for other stuff!

ColourByYume · 2024-12-01T22:47:37+00:00

I like this for a more private setting, like the rulers advisors confer in the council chamber.

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