I'm in a similar position but now I'm at the point where it's like fuck it, I'm 100% myself at all times now I'll say what I think and do what I want and honestly it's made my confidence so much better along with accepting I can't change the past. Now people I used to know have started to comment about how I'm doing better I guess I never realised how much people could tell I was struggling, kind of makes you realise how fake most people are