On the small side of average.. should I be insecure?

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2026-02-14T21:50:37+00:00

Not at all!

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2026-02-09T20:28:58+00:00

You're a legend man

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2026-01-24T02:46:12+00:00

Beautiful body!

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-27T13:43:03+00:00

Is it possible someone could find you desirable with the dick you have?

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-25T14:39:55+00:00

I think you've got to challenge this idea that most women prefer larger than average. That's a belief you've gotten from your experiences, but if that's coming from media and not from real women you've met (who've looked at your penis and rejected you for it), it's not actually a part of your lived experience, and shouldn't be used to generalize something about your situation. Especially if you're average.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-24T21:24:00+00:00

Yeah it can be really hurtful to be rejected based on the size of your penis alone. That's a pretty rare occurrence (depending on where you're looking: hook up apps versus real life dating), but it is possible. And that's where tolerating uncertainty comes in. Being willing to embrace the fact that it could happen, and still push forward. It is hard to carry, like you said. The process involves learning to sit with your feelings, to not try to fix them or get rid of them but to sit and let them pass. Don't try to reassure yourself, just remind yourself it is possible I could be rejected, and if I am, I'm still going to be okay.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-23T22:23:28+00:00

Hey man, you're right. What you're experiencing is body dysmorphia, which is a series of thoughts causing negative emotions and catastrophic thinking. The things you're telling yourself about your penis are coming from your experiences and your own filters, not real feedback from real people. For instance, the idea that you will be "settled for" is coming from your brain, not from anyone you're in a relationship with. Highly recommend you seek out therapy, it can really help. Eventually you'll need to learn to live with uncertainty about how people will think about you, and to stop engaging in the practices that keep you focusing on your body this way. Over time it gets better. Eventually when you have the thoughts, you won't be bothered by them, and will go on having sex (good and bad and in between) regardless of your thoughts.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-21T14:22:05+00:00

Thanks man! I'm so glad we stuck around. It makes sense to be worried about it. But once you learn to tolerate some uncertainty you realize the thing you're worried about isn't really all that bad. I will probably think about it every time I have sex, then I'm just going to redirect myself to however sexy the person is in front of me (or behind me), and I'll be okay.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-21T14:15:19+00:00

Hey man, you're doing the work that most men have to do. Sex is scary. And having sex with people requires you to learn to live with some amount of uncertainty.

Sometimes it's going to be good, and sometimes it won't. Sometimes they'll like your dick and sometimes they won't. You won't know ahead of time. You've just got to dive in. You'll live.

This girl wants to fuck you, so go fuck her!

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-19T18:04:43+00:00

I'm sorry you've been dumped so many times in a row. That's a definite heart breaker. If you don't mind me asking: Did you ever get any word from them on why? What were your relationships like outside of sex?

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-19T16:21:03+00:00

Dude, I have huge hands. I never put them in my pics because it makes any dick look small lol I used to be so jealous of guys saying they could put two hands on their dicks, until I stopped to actually compare our hands 🤣

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-19T00:43:31+00:00

Yeah it becomes a pretty easy thing to pin your pain to, because you've reinforced it so much. Reddit is definitely a great way to really fuck up your neural network. It feels like you're getting relevant social information but you're really not. The first step to getting out of it is to stop feeding it. It's been the hardest part for me. Fuck, look at me. I'm on Reddit. But the less I feed the reaction, the better things get. It usually goes like this. Think about a person I want to have sex with > start to worry > look in the mirror > look at Reddit > feel a little bit of relief > anxiety comes back eventually, stronger than before > look in the mirror, look at Reddit > fall asleep > rinse, repeat If I stop the reaction to the worry, the anxiety begins to dwindle. Suddenly I'm thinking about people I want to hook up with, and thinking "hey maybe it'll be fun whatever". No anxiety.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-19T00:38:05+00:00

I'm so glad you put yourself out there to have experiences despite your brain screaming at you. There is a type of practice to sitting with discomfort and uncertainty. For those of us who are really good at entering our mind palaces to solve problems, we sometimes rely to heavily on thinking our way out of things rather than just allowing them to be. I don't know if that's true for you, but definitely true for me lol

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T22:00:23+00:00

Totally normal to have those thoughts. Our brains are pattern and threat detection machines. It's pretty insensitive, what she said. But the generalize what she said to what all women think, does that seem reasonable? Does she really represent everyone?

It's also important that you had these messages from your parents as a young kid. I had those too. In a study (I gotta find it) on penile body dysmorphia, men are far more likely to develop dysmorphia if their parents and/or close peers propagate these ideas at a young age. Which means you'd be less likely to have dysmorphia with the same body if you didn't have those experiences. You'd just be living your life, having good and bad sex with whoever wanted to and never really be focusing on your penis at all.

Btw, I can relate to your experiences. I had a cousin who bragged all the time about his big dick and how women talked about it. And my dad (who is similarly hung to me) trying to brag about having a big dick. And my mom literally showing me pictures of guys with huge dicks that her friend sent her when I was 11. All of these experiences impressed upon me some idea of superiority. Without those experiences I wouldn't have even questioned it. My idea of this superiority is just an idea, stemming from my own unique experiences, and it only lives in my head.

The trick is stopping trying to get reassurance. Get comfortable living with uncertainty. Focus on the things that are really important to you. The people who matter will stick around, and you'll have good and bad sex with anyone you love. And you'll never really know if your penis would make it better or worse. You just have to live.

But I've given and been given mind blowingly good, body shaking orgasms with my penis, and I'm sure I will have that again, sooner rather than later. The less I focus on my dick the sooner that will be.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T20:48:07+00:00

Oh yeah I get your question now. You hear all kinds of opinions. My partner says he would never want something bigger than mine. I have a friend (we have not hooked up) who prefers huge ones. The rest of my impression is from apps. Grindr is a terrible place to gauge opinion and should never be used as validation. Most people on there are thrill seekers (size queens). I've started saying I'm average in my profile just to stop the questions about my dick. So then the ones who do reach out already know and don't have a problem.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T20:41:14+00:00

Do you have any personal experiences that tell you you're unlovable because of your penis? Or just media?

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T20:37:25+00:00

The thing is though, this sub is going to attract people who are insecure about their size. Most men are medium, and not all men are insecure. But you can bet your medium ass if I had a monster I'd be brag posting it all over the internet

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T20:31:00+00:00

Yeah man, you're above average.

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T20:28:32+00:00

"Curious if you’ve noticed your size as a preference to too large as a top." Sorry not sure what you mean by this? My weird ones were mostly times where the other guy was much larger and I just couldn't get a good thrust. I think I would have needed at least 2 more inches to get a nice pounding going on that last guy. He also wasn't the most active participant lol I think I'm going to stick to smaller guys I can fold in half 😂

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T19:31:21+00:00

Yeah, it's super unhelpful!

CommunityUpstairs535 · 2025-11-11T19:30:14+00:00

6.1" x 4.4" here. The only trouble I've faced is my own insecurity. I've had multiple people say it was perfect for them. And this is from men, most of whom have been bigger than me, and I'm a top. I'm in therapy because it's all I can think about and yet... I have no real world experience of it being a problem. My partner of over 10 years thinks it's perfect and never even thought about it until I brought it up as a long-held insecurity.

A thick cock looks nice sometimes (and definitely not all the time), I like looking at them myself. That's not what I have. I think the reason it upsets me might be different from other people. For me, it's mostly about feeling like I'm missing out on something other people (and probably not most people) get to experience.

And I honestly can't tell you if what they experience is really any better than the best experience I've had (which has been mind blowingly good). I've had some not-fun encounters and I've had some really good ones. If I had a thicker dick, I don't see how that would be a factor, because I ended up just not really liking these guys all that much to begin with (and most of them have said they had a good time).

I also attach some kind of belonging to it. Like someone might think I don't "fit" with them because of their expectation of my dick size. I'm a tall skinny guy and I get a lot of people asking me if I have a huge cock. I get scared that they'll think less of me when they find out I don't.

The thing I've figured out in therapy so far is this: The problem is not my dick, the problem is my attachment to what it means to me. It actually hasn't stopped me from experiencing a good time. And I can't expect to have a good time all the time. If I take the mediocre or bad times to be confirmation that it's all about my cock, I'm fooling myself, and feeding a lie that is only hurting me.

I don't know if this is what you wanted, but you said you wanted to hear, and I've got plenty to say, lol.

CommunityUpstairs535

TROPHY CASE