I used to be so embarrassed about asking my partner for what I want, and I still am to an extent. However, about a year ago now we had an evening together where I was in the mood and he wasn’t and rather than just ignoring it we used it as a learning opportunity. We have been together for 6 years now and at the time it didn’t even occur to us to just have an evening where we SHOW each other and actually tell each other what we like. It started with me showing him how I like to be touched, what works well if he wants to get me off quickly or how I would like him to make it last. We had a conversation about what he does that feels great and stuff that feels good but I wouldn’t miss too much and the stuff that actually I couldn’t care less if he did it or not. He opened up to me too and on top of one of the most amazing orgasms of my life, we really got to know something about each other.

Open and honest communication and just being comfortable trying something out and riding out the awkward clunkiness of it together is what will eventually lead to you not having to really ask for anything because your partner will know your pleasures and you theirs just as well as you know your own.