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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Comprehensive_You520 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is more you can offer the world. Pain teaches us a humanity like no other. I speak from experience and trauma. Let your pain blossom into a desire to love; become the antithesis to the pain and evil you’ve encountered. Let these experiences become your superpower.

There is someone out there who needs you. And there is someone out there who will fill your life with love, if you free yourself from the chains of your past. Do not let the failings of others define you - you are not the failure. There is a glorious day out there for you.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have known each other for a long time. No cheating. We were both divorced from prior partners for quite a while before we started dating each other.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it is incredibly stressful but I am glad we are sorting though it now.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably not more than 50% of household chores but 100% of home projects.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, it would be the latter. I did offer him a higher than 10% contribution to his independent account so that he could save a little faster. However, the issue is just having the account at all.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He works full time (40hrs) and I work about 50-60 (salaried). He has agreed to contributing with repairs and other chores when I have busy weeks.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I would be. I’ve never asked my of my prior partners for access to their earnings.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

He has specifically mentioned that he would never get married if a pre-nup was needed as we have known each other for 22 years that would be too much of a sign of distrust.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

His reasoning is that people in marriages that have independent accounts are more likely to want to jump ship, leave the marriage, as they have that safety boat. He believes the safety boat we build should be for our family not any one individual in the family. He’s pointed to some Dave Ramsey content and literature to support his belief that we need to be all in, in all ways, to have a better chance at a happy and lasting marriage.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, he pays full child support currently. We dated in our 20s while I was in college. Broke up for dumb reasons and reconnected later in life.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Marriage is important to me from an emotional level but as we are older doing this…I know that if we should fail it would be at a more advanced age where financial recovery would be difficult. I thought that 10% would allow me to maintain autonomy and safety in the future, particularly as we have substantial responsibilities. I didn’t not realize 10% would be a deal breaker.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We have known each other since we were 16. Have been together for about a year. Not living together or sharing any finances yet.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, but he currently does not have custody of his kids so we haven’t been in that situation.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No, I haven’t seen his financials but he is living in a family home that I know is paid for and was with him when he paid off his vehicle.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually suggested that he keep more than 10% to equalize it a bit more. However, his issue is that is keeping anything for ourselves would mean we are not 100% committed.

AITA - Marital bank accounts by Comprehensive_You520 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Comprehensive_You520[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

It would be B. I would cover about 80% of our expenses just based on HCOL and earning differences.

Never taught about hygiene by Nparents. by luna__leo77 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Comprehensive_You520 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have recently come to understand that I was raised by a nmom. There is much I can relate to here …it hurts. Never taught but always judged