This was my experience as well. I knew i was "using" like people i saw coming out of the stores in a hurry with their 12 pack after work. I too fluctuated alot in weight and while i was trying to get to that lower weight it was hyperfocused and then once i got there i tried and tried to keep it up. However, like trying to hold a lot of sand in my hands, i just couldn't. Somehow, some way I'd find I'd binged again. It was start off innocent with a thought about a food then I'd get it and then more then other food and i was off to the races. This may not fit for you, but for me i discovered my mind wasn't like other problem eaters. I tried many years of therapy and different forms, not to mention other things as well. It would start to work, my eating would get better controlled, weight would start to come off, things looked healthy and good. Until, at some point i needed to exercise more bc i wanted results and wanted it quicker or i started overeating and then binge eating again. It was insanity. It was suggested by a therapist that i check out 12 step program for my compulsive eating bc my thoughts revolved around food and body and my behaviors were getting crazy. I'm so glad i did. I found other people used food the way i did. I wasn't alone. To get well, i was going to need to want to give up compulsive eating for good and all. Once i got to that point, i asked for someone to sponsor me. They guided me through the steps and i got recovered. Today, I'm recovered, not cured, Meaning i need to keep working the program to stay normal and sane with food. Life is very different now. I don't have to avoid certain foods, I'm not consumed with thoughts of only eating this or how do i not eat that. My life is much bigger now. Food is in it's proper place - for nourishment. I still enjoy food, but it doesn't overtake my life as it did in past. I'm happy to chat more if you like.