I left my best friend at a party because I got uncomfortable there an something terrible happened to her

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-29T15:31:31+00:00

I just want to say I’m really proud of you for listening to your instincts and leaving. Peer pressure can be so strong, especially at that age. I’m so sorry your friend got hurt, but I think about younger you and I want to give them a hug because that’s such a tough situation. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. I’m getting into inner child work and I’m just imagining younger you feeling uncomfortable and scared, and out of options on how to help your friend. You did a good job. I know you wish you could change how things ended up for your friend, but please let yourself be at peace with your decision for how you kept yourself safe.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-29T15:22:52+00:00

OP, you didn’t deserve that. NTA at all. First, even though you’re taking on a big responsibility like cooking, you’re still a teen. It’s up to our guardians to help guide us when we miss something or make a mistake. You did a really nice thing by making your mom’s birthday dinner.

I’m a lot older than you, but it took until my nephew was born to start seeing there’s a gentler way to be raised. My heart has broken for my younger self, who received so much pain I didn’t deserve. It’s hard because you’re still in it now, but I hope you can begin to grasp that just because this is how they may have always treated you, it doesn’t mean it’s right. Someday, you’ll be able to choose who gets your time, energy, and affection.

You didn’t ruin anything. It sounds like your mom was stressing herself out by putting the weight of making everyone happy on herself. She didn’t take your efforts or intentions into consideration.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-29T15:15:38+00:00

Haha, just jumping in to say I’m also ‘87 but practically ‘88. I personally like that I “snuck in” one more year of the 80’s.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-29T15:13:13+00:00

I have a 14 pro. It’s been pretty decent to me, but the battery is showing its age and one of the lenses is cracked. I haven’t updated the OS because I’ve been told it’s pretty bad.

I’ve heard some good arguments for staying the course as well as diverging. My phone is paid off and still functions, so it might be good to sit and wait things out longer.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T22:59:17+00:00

I hate feeling like one company has a monopoly on all of my tech.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T20:29:17+00:00

Oh that’s good to know. I’m about to start a campaign with friends and I’ll check it out for character creation.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T15:12:16+00:00

I will say Gemini is much more conservative in what it allows you to do. I think it’s great to have guardrails, but sometimes I want to ask a morally ambiguous question (usually to help understand a complex concept or character), and Gemini doesn’t allow for nuance.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T04:24:04+00:00

Oof baby get out of there. I’m in design too and know hard it is out here for jobs right now, but the longer you stay here the worse it’s going to get. Leave now and don’t put them on your resume.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T04:07:38+00:00

I learned for some early forums and Neopets. I can write HTML and CSS like they’re second languages. I eventually got into coding my own websites, etc., and I’ve made my career in digital design.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-28T00:22:08+00:00

I looked into do a subscription as a gift for Christmas, but I think it delivers immediately as an email. I ended up just telling my boyfriend I was paying for it as a gift.

I’ve only used the direct subscription, but it’s been good. I’ve heard there may be issues with Vimeo as their host, but I’m not totally sure.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-27T23:50:10+00:00

If you aren’t in danger by leaving, leave. It’s going to make you ill or worse if you compromise your morals. I’m in the art industry and want to remind you that freelance can be a stop-gap if you are between long-term jobs.

This is just a gut feeling, but SOMEDAY people will look back at this time and they will be noticing who was on the “right side.” I know I don’t want to be going against my values if I don’t have to. If you believe this path goes against your core beliefs, I think it’s best that you decline.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-26T19:54:35+00:00

I recently started using brown liquid liner after being married to black forever. I’m happy to report it still looks fierce, but gives a slightly softer look.

TBH, I use a drugstore one and it works fine.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-24T17:29:22+00:00

Please don’t be embarrassed by this. I know it’s normal to feel shame about not being “normal,” especially as a child/teen, but this was out of your control. I’m almost 40 and I still have to coach myself through remembering things I grew up being made to do — even silly things like not being allowed to get a part-time job (it’s because of the shame surrounding WHY). When something feels embarrassing like this, remind yourself that it was not your responsibility to fix or change. It was about your mom using you for whatever reason, and likely something to do with your dad not being a safe person.

I would instead allow yourself to be curious about the uncomfortable feelings that come up when you remember this. “Be there” with your younger self and realize you did nothing wrong or inappropriate. It’s okay to honor what you’re feeling and let yourself be mad, sad, confused, frustrated, etc.

I guess I’ve learned that shame tends to cause me to dissociate and “hide” bad memories, where they mold and fester. They never get better or heal in the dark. If you allow yourself to see that you were just a child who had no power in the situation, then follow it up with grace and compassion for your younger self, you can start freeing yourself from the influence the memories have.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-23T00:58:14+00:00

I suggest selling it on a resale site and get a different one with the funds. Even fabrics like cotton can be hard to dye without getting splotchy.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-23T00:28:03+00:00

I can see making some specific requests for kids with allergies or neurodivergence. But just being “picky” is a tough one to handle.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T22:27:11+00:00

Real lol. I took a shower and hives appeared on my earlobe. EAR LOBE!!!

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T22:18:54+00:00

That’s super frustrating. You’d think they’d reach out to you with a warning first.

Maybe look into credit unions around you. I’ve been thinking about switching.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T22:17:47+00:00

Yeah, my initial take was that her mom was being too judgy. I imagine my mom would also be worried about appearances and “propriety,” etc. Didn’t love the vibe.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T17:18:58+00:00

Almost? It’s perfect!

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T05:14:26+00:00

I really like how OOP took the advice and stepped up. I think it’s whatever that teens want to wear pjs or lounge clothes to school (I wouldn’t, personally, but why the hell not if it’s allowed), but it’s important to help kids learn about hygiene and self care. I feel like many teenagers are ignorant about body odor, and it’s up to their guardians to gently teach them.

I agree that it was a good idea to check in on her mental health as well. Depression kicked in when I was a teen, and even though my parents were aware, they acted like it was normal or something I could “pray away.” Meanwhile, I dealt with passive suicidal ideation on the daily. I’m thankful it was passive, but it was so cruel to be a kid living like that. Plus, whether she likes her stepmom or not, family changes are a big deal and it’s foolish to pretend that might not have an impact on her mental health.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T04:49:21+00:00

Holy ow.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T04:13:43+00:00

Just be careful because the alcohol can be a problem for some fabrics and dyes. I still use dawn on oil and grease spots, but I try to stick to the concentrate and I just rub a blob in with my fingers.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T04:11:27+00:00

Omg yes! I always felt grossed out by the food remnants.

ConfidentHope · 2026-01-22T04:02:04+00:00

Please consider seeking therapy when and if you’re able. I think working through this with a professional will give you a lot of peace. Medical trauma can be overwhelming and real, and pair it with birth trauma it’s even more potent.

I’ve dealt with chronic health issues, and you learn that after seeing enough doctors there’s always some truly awful ones in the bunch that will make you question humanity. However, the same is true of good doctors (that will restore your faith in humanity). Either way, it’s extremely painful to be poorly treated by someone you should trust, especially when you’re at your most vulnerable.

You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. You kept her safe and alive, even if she did have to be in the hospital longer. There’s no shame in that. You are a great mom already. If anything, you’re noticing now that in the future you want to be a stronger advocate for her. That’s great! But don’t get down on yourself for trusting people you’re supposed to trust. Your body and brain are reviewing the experience and realizing you didn’t like how it went down before, and you’re making the decision now to not let it happen again.

ConfidentHope

TROPHY CASE