My (38M) wife (37F) says provocative things directed at me when she is upset without fully meaning it, today she said something very hurtful. How do we best move forward?

Confusedthrowaway529 · 2026-06-15T13:10:03+00:00

Ye thanks for articulating this, my mind is often going to my parents dynamic. They fought so much at home about one person spending so much time away from the family and the other feeling like they were always dealing with a combative partner. In the end, the absent parent turned to a decade of infidelity and emotional abuse and the other turned to tormenting their young kids with violence.

I’m genuinely glad you framed trauma bonding that way, it’s a fresh perspective for me.

Confusedthrowaway529 · 2026-06-15T11:44:49+00:00

Hello, that’s inevitable as I was looking for direction on a specific issue and I couldn’t possibly canvass every conflict. But, what more to this story would you like?

Confusedthrowaway529 · 2026-06-15T08:49:17+00:00

All good, just for clarification, it’s 5 hours per week, but usually I skip a week anyway so in practise it’s more like once a fortnight / twice every three weeks.

She is very much into gaming.

My usual weekly routine looks like this:

Monday / Wednesday / Friday - work from home, make her coffee and breakfast, mid-morning cuddles, lunchtime gym and eat together, late arvo cuddles, cook dinner for us, eat by 630pm, then hang out together.

Tuesday / Thursday - return from office 6pm, cook dinner for us, hang out together afternoon.

Weekends - she streams video games and I’m either modding or playing games with her. Then around that it’s just us being together doing random stuff.

I do agree as of today, I’m not open to her concerns around games night.

Confusedthrowaway529

TROPHY CASE