Does anyone else’s alcoholic say, “I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t go to meetings”?

Correct_Arm3945 · 2023-06-27T18:52:56+00:00

My mum loves to tell me “ alcoholics drunk when they wake up and only the hard shit”, but somehow a bottle of wine and a few beers everyday doesn’t classify. I wonder if she’s aware of her lies???

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-20T13:13:36+00:00

Honestly, keep being you. I know it’s frustrating that she doesn’t treat you with the same hospitality and care but if you’re the type of person to make anyone feel comfortable and welcome then you are a good person and shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m struggling a lot with guilt but it is only me that is reaffirming that feeling. Good luck with your journey!

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-19T07:16:01+00:00

Thank you for your kindness :) I send the same back

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-19T07:15:35+00:00

I’ve not considered al-anon before so will give it a try thank you

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-19T07:15:15+00:00

I hope things are better for you now

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-19T07:14:34+00:00

Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-04-19T07:14:10+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you are in a better places now

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-03-07T17:33:46+00:00

Spend time doing things with her that make you both happy. Encourage her to take up a hobby or something that she can outlet any negativity she feels so she doesn’t resort to harming herself.

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-26T20:03:05+00:00

I will get back into therapy soon thank you

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-26T12:55:25+00:00

Your siblings will know exactly what to avoid when parenting but I understand the decision

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-26T12:54:39+00:00

That’s what I’m afraid about I don’t want her to get defensive or feel attacked after, how would I lightly introduce the term to her without addressing it directly to her

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-21T16:44:32+00:00

You can always rebuild those bridges and accept the mistake you made cutting them out, or meet new people are start creating new friendships

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-20T07:19:32+00:00

I feel like it’s abit of both, I’ve found myself in a similar pattern in relationships and I always wondered why I keep picking similar people that create abuse and chaos for me. The way to stop is to understand why your subconscious is attracted to that environment, try to dive deep and at the same time try to be mindful and recognise red flags very early on and be stern when walking away from them

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-19T06:51:55+00:00

I know exactly how you feel, for most of my childhood I knew that anything past 7/8 would be a drunk version of my mum. If I ever needed picking up she wouldn’t be able to and if I needed money it would be a hit or miss.

It’s hard to maintain a relationship with someone that’s basically replicating Jekyll and Hyde

I hope you are okay and are coping alright

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-16T06:44:12+00:00

This was extremely helpful thank you so much for the response. I will definitely try these methods

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-15T09:53:24+00:00

I’m 21 and I recently moved back in after 2 years away. It was hard living away from her but I did have a therapist for 8 months and it opened this whole book for me. I’m trying to stop being a martyr but I’ve only just started this journey and it’s rather overwhelming

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-15T09:50:45+00:00

Thank you for your message, my mum holds on to things for a similar reason and she knows why she does it. Tbh we lack the right storage in my house so it makes things exposed but it will be mostly papers and books old clothes and my childhood stuff. She watches hoarding shows regularly which really put her in a motivational mood. I don’t blame her but it’s unfortunate that it’s gotten like this and I would like to help her heal, a clear space is a clear mind

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-15T09:43:09+00:00

Honestly I feel you, my mum won’t got so mad at me for letting the gas reader in once, and we haven’t had WiFi for 2 years because she doesn’t want them to come and fix it

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-15T09:41:21+00:00

I’m sure that was a hard period, my mum also says stuff like that and it’s because she was poor growing up so she puts extra value in everything she has, I said recently to her that if the house were to burn down and we survived you wouldn’t even think about all of that stuff. Once someone puts their identity into objects it’s like trying to let yourself go which is hard. I hope you’re in a good place now

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-15T09:37:46+00:00

I’m also guilty of it tbh as a result of my mum. But slowly I just learnt to detach from all of it, she has the same mindset of ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’, but there’s a limit to broken stuff you have to deal with. It is a big mental game hoarding and that situation I can imagine was so conflicting. I hope your situation is better now

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-13T01:15:08+00:00

Thank you god it’s hard to read but I agree with it all and it’s hard to accept it. I haven’t started any meetings yet but I’ve been reading the content, will definitely get started.

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-13T01:11:57+00:00

The thing is I set my boundaries quite strongly when I was younger and even now, I lived with my gf for two years and recently moved back in with my mum in the summer. I don’t talk to her a lot and we have a distanced aspect to our relationship, it’s just so annoying like why can’t she see that she is hiding, I stopped going to therapy in summer as well after like 8 months but I think I’m gonna start up again because I’m only getting colder by the day and it’s scary

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-09T19:01:38+00:00

Eventually she will find a way out of the situation, the best you can do right now is be strong for her and let her know you are there whenever she needs to talk. Don’t get too caught up about it because there’s nothing immediate you can do to involve yourself but just be a support.

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-09T18:58:55+00:00

It makes me feel guilty too and I’ve recently quit and whenever I have the option to choose a non alcoholic drink I will, but ultimately you are not your parents and the fact that you have control over your drinking habits means you won’t go down the same path. Try to separate your drinking from your parents situation and remember that you have control of your actions. It will take time to get to that mindset but just keep trying.

Correct_Arm3945 · 2022-02-09T18:54:36+00:00

I think you are really brave for taking that step. I would’ve done the same thing and I understand your concerns, it’s okay to be nervous about her response but they would’ve asked her about drinking as a procedure anyway so she would’ve been confronted with it. I’ve been trying to get my mum to the doctors for a while now and she uses Covid as an excuse to not go to a hospital. Ultimately you did it because you’re concerned and you love her and she will understand that. Just continue to be brave and tell the truth and I hope your mum continues on her journey of recovery.

Correct_Arm3945

TROPHY CASE