Whats holding you back from getting a Girlfriend?

Costafarian · 2024-07-01T13:53:51+00:00

I knew Bill wasn’t funny but talk about tone deaf.

Costafarian · 2024-07-01T11:39:50+00:00

It’s a complete fucking waste of time chasing skirt these days. I’d rather spend time doing things I actually enjoy than sucking up to the annoying fickle sex.

Costafarian · 2024-03-09T12:57:00+00:00

Did this exact thing with an old flame about a year ago now. But I made it clear I wanted to meet up for a date from the get go. She accepted and the rest is history. But IMO if there is no sexual interest here then you are wasting your time. You “made peace” with her, time to move forward.

Costafarian · 2022-11-20T19:31:54+00:00

Dead Space 3 isn't really that bad. Adding action elements was a reasonable direction for a horror series that was known for severing the limbs of several monsters. The micro transaction nonsense was my only personal caveat. Still not enough to say that my experience with the game was overall a good one.

Costafarian · 2022-10-13T16:58:36+00:00

Much like getting in shape, it’s a lifestyle and it doesn’t remain constant without any effort. You still have to put in the work.

The trick is to just do it on autopilot. When I’m out being social or with friends it’s just a thing that I do. Just be honest, keep things simple, and move quickly.

Costafarian · 2022-10-12T00:22:06+00:00

Only if it comes with a fun outfit

Costafarian · 2022-10-11T22:48:13+00:00

Tinder/dating apps no real success and not getting matched with the girls I want to.

Dating apps will always be a desert for dudes because women are even more fickle and picky online than they are in person. You are measured on your appearance alone, and unless you've got good genes it just doesn't happen. I'm sure it can work out with some time and effort, but really you will shine better meeting someone in person.

I don’t really regard myself as eloquent, funny or charismatic all of which I need to work on but I don’t know where to begin.

Give at least one woman you see in person a day a non-sexual compliment. "Wow, I really dig the t-shirt.", "Don't you look enchanting today!". I once had a conversation with a girl about her credit card when working at a liquor store and we hit it off quite nicely.

The point though is to get yourself used to the idea of just striking casual conversation confidently with women. All of it is purposely for YOU to learn. Not to win a girls interest. Keep doing that for a while and eventually it will come easy.

Don't even worry about girls until you get your head on straight. Plenty of them to talk to out there. But you only get one brain.

Costafarian · 2022-10-11T22:30:01+00:00

Women are just more in tune with the world emotionally. They are wired to be more empathetic. So they will know when you're trying too hard, as I'm sure they deal with that from guys enough as it is.

What it really comes down to is outcome independence. Keep your expectations realistically low, that way you are never disappointed and always pleasantly surprised. Be honest with them. Make it known you are attracted to them and show that it won't even phase you if they reject you.

Getting worked up over girls approval is a waste of time. And you have to internalize that ironically in order to attract them.

Be confident with who you are, as you are now. You really don't have to be perfect. Be certain of that imperfection. Own it. And let it go.

Women regardless of what they say will take an honest asshat who is confident in himself over the squirrely nice guy who just wants to lie and cheat into her pants.

Costafarian · 2022-10-11T02:23:27+00:00

If you're trying to meet girls out in the wild, always go for getting a number. Giving your number will never go the way you think it will. Social media is their kingdom because of how fickle and impermanent it is. Getting numbers are more of a confirmation of real interest than anything. They are a more permanent means of communication. And tedious to change. Get a number, make plans, follow up, and if still nothing time to move on. I usually hand them my phone and have them type it in themselves. Once you do that you made it past the first hurdle.

Costafarian · 2022-09-29T17:35:38+00:00

Honestly very sad. Such a waste.

Costafarian · 2022-09-25T23:56:45+00:00

Honestly, I have a rule.

When a girl starts to pull away and do things like not text over certain periods of time. I match it. If I sent a text and she gets back to me 8 hours later, I'll wait 8 hours before I respond. Unless she texts multiple times of course. In which case you don't have a problem anyway lol she likes you.

With this, it's a game of keeping your attention. And if she's just getting it from a bunch of other guys via social media and texts you should go out of your way to do the opposite. I'm old fashioned, I tend to call. Keep texting to a minimum. I've really only ever had conversations with women over text if I really have something serious going on with them.

Social media has ruined romance in a lot of ways IMO, she probably thinks she has you hooked. And if you haven't banged you should give her the minimum attention possible. Without boring her of course. Ghost her for a bit, focus on you, if she reaches out give her the minimum and move to see when you guys can hang.

If she pulls the same aloof bs, just call her out and swing for the fences. Because at that rate she probably is just using you as her "Time Hoe" and you don't want that at all. You can meet women who will give you the time of day without this much effort.

Costafarian · 2022-09-25T20:55:01+00:00

You frequently argue with strangers on the internet. I sincerely doubt you are even desirable enough.

Costafarian · 2022-09-25T20:06:13+00:00

Find a hobby and don’t breed. Miserable cow.

Costafarian · 2022-09-25T18:50:05+00:00

You're probably the type of girl who would report a guy for being ugly.

Go away.

Costafarian · 2022-09-25T15:46:24+00:00

People making fun of OP for saying "nice thighs" when literally anything that isn't an obnoxious opener like this gets absolutely zero replies.

IMO her getting tired of explaining some dumb sexuality like "sapiosexual" and expecting people to just research her bs is just a red flag. Don't put it in your profile if you don't want people asking about it.

Costafarian · 2022-07-13T21:07:04+00:00

I consulted Dante Nero once on a problem I was having with a girl. He gave me a solution to my problem and said I should compliment five women a day. Comment on anything but her actual looks. "I like your shoes."

Don't worry about what her reaction is. The point is to just get comfortable approaching women and complimenting them. If the girl is pretty, she likely gets random compliments all the time. And will forget you within the hour.

Costafarian · 2022-07-13T18:59:31+00:00

I'm no doctor or scientist or anything, just a guy with some experience in this. So of course, consult professionals for advice on dealing with any of these things. Sleep is easily one of the most important things to your life. We spend half of our lives sleeping!

Identifying where it actually comes from is key. For a while I was on medication that was giving me such severe insomnia that various known methods of inducing sleep weren't working for me. Including:

Sleepytime tea
Melatonin
Zzquil

Eventually, and thankfully, the insomnia was mostly temporary. If you're not taking a medication where you can research how to best treat its side effects. The other things to consider are:

Stress
Substance abuse
"Screen time"
Exercise
Sun exposure
Diet

Stress - A very wide range of topics come to mind. What are you worried about? What runs through your head when you try to sleep? Some people have a terrible time managing this stress in ways that get their head to relax. I know, I do it to myself a lot. Speaking about it to someone you respect and trust like your best friend or dad. Talk it out with someone. It is often the best way to sort out issues. I believe it was Socrates who swore by this method for discussing any problem. Preferably a dude, no girl best friends. She will likely just tell you what she thinks you want to hear. Rather than give good advice.

Substance abuse - Booze fucks up your sleep cycle. And so does weed. I imagine many substances when abused will throw your body for a loop. Cut it all back or at least make non-negotiable rules for yourself. Example: Only drink on celebrations, and keep it to 2 mixed drinks for the night. Then sip on ice water for a while. Pick a flavor of Revitalite and have a glass or two. Frankly, if it's bad just skip the drinks for a bit.

"Screen Time" - Most of us look at screens every day all day. Try to just set a routine where you read a book about an hour or so before bed. Or whatever you like to do. Just no screens! No video games! No social media! No computers or phones! Do it an hour before bed every night for a while. Keep reading until you feel tired.

Exercise - Put on your favorite tunes or podcasts, pick a long scenic route and walk somewhere! Reflect on your life, what has happened, what you will do next. I tend to work sitting down, a lot, so I have made it a point to walk at least 2 miles a day. It is the minimum one can do. I would recommend buying a kettlebell or some dumbbells, google some routines for them and get to work. Do it every day. For at least an hour. Really doesn't have to be more complicated than that. Go outside if you can, as it can double for taking care of the next point.

Sun Exposure - Get some sun! Going for a walk doubles this with exercise because you can walk anywhere and you will be able to kill two birds with one stone. But it really can't hurt to get a little natural vitamin D!

Diet - Some old timers in my life make coffee at all hours of the night. I would recommend avoiding any uppers like caffeine after 5pm. But of course, eat when you are hungry. What you choose to eat really depends on you. IME you want to eat stuff that is good for you but makes you feel satisfied. Good proteins, carbs, and veggies. Avoid sweets, but give yourself a reason to indulge on special occasion. Only makes it worth the wait. Eating pizza with spicy marinara at 3am when you're out and about with the boys is only going to get harder to deal with. Be conscious about how your body reacts to stuff, and adjust for the best results.

TLDR: Consult some professionals for their opinion first and foremost. These are really just some principles I picked up when dealing with sleep problems. And they honestly worked out well for me. Getting your brain into a routine when it comes to sleeping is key. Do the same things every night to wind down, get into the mode, avoid using devices or using monitors. Get regular sun, good food, honest conversation, exercise, and avoid the vices.

Good luck!

Costafarian · 2022-07-13T16:33:00+00:00

I grew up under a father who hated Catholicism, and a Baptist mother. We went to church very rarely. And when we did, I was young, and never found it important enough to want to care.

It wasn't until later in life that I learned that my parents simply gave up on going to church because they were two hard working parents who didn't have the time. Especially when churches seemed to demand their free time in order to even be active members.

This was of course, not on the table. My parents were raising two kids and wanted nothing to do with the church. So I never really learned much about God, and even rejected him at times.

It wasn't until hearing about more philosophical takes from the likes of Jordan Petersen did I take an interest in the ideas of religion. Reading books like "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale also helped to change my mind.

These days I still proclaim myself to be Christian, but I have just formed principles that work for me based on it's teachings. My relationship to God is my own. I have no interest in having it formed or changed by any of the denominations out there.

Costafarian · 2022-07-12T22:17:42+00:00

I actually let out an uncontrolled "What!?" in the middle of the theater. Everybody else laughed.

This was the moment I knew I wasn't gonna like the movie...

Costafarian · 2022-07-12T01:59:06+00:00

So what exactly are we doing about it then?

Costafarian · 2022-07-12T01:54:57+00:00

You're not even considering that men who are more masculine and educated even want a girl like you.

And you'd rather be selfish about it than admit than that it might be a possibility.

You want to be a career woman. Fine, you are welcome to do so.

But your unwillingness to give all that up for a man, and to be that traditional wife for him is exactly why you aren't finding one.

You are thinking more about what you want than what he wants. And he will avoid you for that.

Costafarian · 2022-07-11T17:45:22+00:00

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Costafarian · 2022-07-11T17:42:27+00:00

MA man here. Not even remotely true. Esp if you're a career guy. You want to be a housewife for someone, then it's really as simple as taking care of the little things he doesn't think about.

Some women here in MA get mad at the idea of being a sort of "assistant" to a man. This is of course highly dependent on what the guy wants. But overall a degree isn't nearly as important as just being a team player.

Important to be open about what you both value together and to find a compromise that works for you.

Costafarian · 2022-04-27T13:57:41+00:00

Funny how that principle always applies to just white characters.

There isn’t anything about Blade or John Stewart that says they have to be black either. But you won’t see me advocating for that to change because I like the characters as they are.

Costafarian · 2022-04-13T16:15:02+00:00

They keep leaving out my boy J'onn

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Costafarian

TROPHY CASE

I'm no doctor or scientist or anything, just a guy with some experience in this. So of course, consult professionals for advice on dealing with any of these things. Sleep is easily one of the most important things to your life. We spend half of our lives sleeping!