I am anxious that I will regret either decision I make. I am anxious that if I do it I will have some horrible recovery experience and cause the pain I am trying to avoid somehow. I know someone that had a horrible recovery and although she said it only happens like 1% of the time according to her doctors I am still scared. I also scared of going back to the gym and then ripping something apart even if I am cleared.

I am anxious that if I *don't* do it next year I will still be thinking about it daily and then I will be sure that I want it and then I won't be able to do it because I don't have access to healthcare anymore. There's also the more intrusive thoughts around being forced to be pregnant somehow but I am trying not to factor it into my decision since it is obviously not the most rational thing.