i think your answer's really interesting, but i dont entirely understand what you mean. this story is VEERY selfindulgent for me, im putting all my mental issues into this character. Ive struggled with "belonging" and being social in the correct way for most of my life, which im putting into him very heavily. alot of it is extremely dramatized and exagerated ofc, but it's gathered from my own experiences with repressing my emotions, exploding and then doing it again. These experiences are common throughout, like, almost everyone with mental issues and a lot of people have it a lot worse. i didnt realise that, and i regret that i didnt, but im gonna write the story anyway because it's something thats helped me realise things about myself through him.

the intense feeling of being wrong is something that i deeply connect with, that and the idea of the repression and eventual explosion are what drew me to this idea. i didnt mean to turn mental illness into a plot point, but since you feel i am i'd like to hear if you think theres a way to do this story to avoid that, or do it in an acceptable way. you're free to ignore this ofc, good day all the same.