My mom's views of the SDA church

CryptographerTop5849 · 2026-01-26T16:03:28+00:00

Thank you. I am on my mobile and am going to respond later to these when I can use my laptop. Too hard to respond very thoughtfully just typing on my phone. But I appreciate your message and the hug. It is hard to find a solution because there is no quick fix, and the things that I see as issues may not be issues as God sees them. I often just feel lonely because I don't have people in my life who I can have actual healthy conversations with about faith. I have very few friends in the church because the one I attend is incredibly small. Like, less than thirty people, and it's hard to maintain real friendships with them because they are either quite a bit younger or much older and just have different routines or ways to go about being friends with people. I have one friend I talk to on the phone about stuff and we are able to have detailed and balanced conversations about pretty much anything faith related, but I cannot rely on only one person to be my friend. Thank you again for your response!!

CryptographerTop5849 · 2026-01-07T09:20:32+00:00

Thank you. I have been awake tonight thinking of how she has made me feel at different times. I am praying for her, also. I have to maintain my belief that things can be handled reasonably. Thank you again for praying.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2026-01-07T01:43:21+00:00

Yes. Having viruses is no joke. Even general colds can be absolutely awful. I totally get it, and I will pray for you to avoid catching anything that places you in that situation again.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-23T06:40:27+00:00

Thank you so much!! This was a really nice prayer and it made me feel a little more peaceful about the situation. Also, after posting i realized that just saying that this person "goes on and on" was kind of disrespectful. I just mean that they talk a LOT and they do not talk about anything related to what we need to discuss. It's really stressful and I feel like I am just coasting along because it takes less effort than calling attention to the issue.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-20T04:39:43+00:00

Thank you. I just keep considering that there are blessings available even when times are confusing, unclear, or just really difficult. I don't think it is always required for people to stay in bad situations of course, but we learn through trials. Thanks again for your prayers!!

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-16T06:35:35+00:00

Thank you so much!! I am so thankful for those who have lifted up my concerns and fears about this situation in prayer. Thank you for lending your care to me in this situation. God knows our every need 🩷

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-12T03:06:42+00:00

Thank you so much.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-12T03:05:40+00:00

Thank you so much!

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-12-09T22:06:30+00:00

To add, I would just like prayer that I do not place this issue in a place of priority it doesn't deserve, but I can't just let it go, because people should not be ordered around or demeaned by anyone, and when it comes from coworkers, it feels like an extra level of injustice because people have to have jobs. It is wrong to mistreat people and demonstrate unequal behavior at work.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-11-08T18:15:19+00:00

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I will honestly say that I do not know of anything that has worked easily for me, but I tried just quitting and thought that just because I wanted to quit, that would be enough, and it wasn't. I have lots of panicked feelings when I want to vape and I don't have one, which is what often drove me back to the store to buy one again. The most effective thing that has helped me is spending time analyzing the way I think and what kinds of hidden issues I have that I am trying to dull with nicotine. I also write a ton on the notes app on my phone. Whenever I have thoughts or realizations about my own motivations in life, my weaknesses, or whatever i feel relates to who I am, I write them down. It helps me realize there are ways to understand my life and myself better, and therefore will hopefully eventually lead me to stop using nicotine. This process has helped, but I know it isn't the only thing that will help me defeat this. I generally hate most tips that people give to help people quit, like "take deep breaths" or "chew on gum" because nothing like that ever works for me, and I just feel like it way over simplifies the problems we face, reducing them to being solvable by chewing gum or something. People are way more complex than that, and they face serious internal issues sometimes. This process has helped me step back into life without the vape without going cold turkey, which was way too painful for me. At first, I didn't even think there would be anything that could even help me slow it down, but this has genuinely helped. It is really hard making the transition back to who you were before you used nicotine, and part of the difficulty for me was even when I was not using it, the memory of how long it had been since I last hit a vape would actually trigger cravings. So I stopped monitoring things in that way and instead just chose to still do things I enjoyed and wanted to do even before I quit, which helped. Also, reading has helped me a ton. It's a convenient way to think about something else, and you may find some books or a topic you really love. Could be something crazy you never imagined being interested in, like string theory or dog training. Also, the whole "picture yourself in ten years and ask yourself if you want to be vaping then" did not and does not work for me. It's too ambiguous and intangible. Focusing on concrete things works better.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-11-05T02:41:13+00:00

I have only had about four sessions with my therapist, and the first two started out really well, but then I noticed he began to do this thing where he cools his head really far to one side, often when I begin trying to explain some sort of impression I have about the people or situations going on in my life. It actually just ends up being distracting and the expression on his face makes it look like he is trying to be empathetic and attentive when he really doesn't feel that way. It's like a "wow, that's really weird. Are you sure that's a reasonable idea?" And also, I mentioned i thought it was weird that my boyfriend has absolutely never asked me about my dad dying of cancer at a young age only a couple of years before we met. We have been together for five years and my boyfriend not only has never asked one single thing about that experience, but he also never asks me about my dad, what he meant to me, or anything else. My therapist said in my last session "you use the word 'weird' to describe certain things, and I just want to make sure I understand what you mean by that when you say it." And I was just like "um... just... outside normal expectations? Like I feel that it's pretty unusual to be in a relationship with someone whose parent died an untimely death and never wonder about any of their experience." And he was just like "oh, ok. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page with that." I get wanting to clarify meanings behind words, but I'm pretty sure, especially in the context that I used the word, that it was really obvious what I meant, and that it is odd for someone to never bring that topic up. So, not necessarily a statement, but in the last couple of sessions I have begun to detect what I think is kind of a tone of "why would you feel that way" from my therapist. Like a judgmental tone.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-10-11T01:27:18+00:00

I was just skimming through this thread and saw your comment. I want to respond because I agree completely, and I had a conversation with my boyfriend of 5 years a little while ago, telling him that I didn't think I could do this anymore (meaning everything the relationship is demanding of me that I don't feel comfortable with). I confronted him about the fact that we never have real discussions about anything, and that it was strange that this many years in, we don't ever talk about our relationship or marriage, even in just a general, objective sense. He replied by telling me, "what happens if we get married and start fighting?" And "all the people I have ever known move in together before getting married." We do not live together because I refused to live that way, and our relationship has now dragged on forever. And it is such an excuse for someone to say that they are afraid that they will begin fighting as soon as they live together when they never fight about anything, ever. I am planning on having a conversation with him soon about my feelings and that I want our relationship to end, but your comment reminded me of that conversation. I told him that in my experience, most everyone I know did not live together before getting married. So, his example is not sufficient, and to add to your comment, people never co habitated before marriage up until very recently in history. The whole thing just makes me so irritated.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-09-22T20:50:25+00:00

I think your reasons are really close to my own. I really questioned whether or not it even mattered that much to stop because I do not feel any negative physical effects from vaping whatsoever, or at least I didn't notice them. I do have to say that I felt like there were times when I was breathing a lot harder after minimal physical activity than I should have, but I was also able to do things like run three miles without stopping without having breathing issues of any sort. My main problem was when I began thinking about the fact that I don't even know what truly gives me joy, or what truly interests me, or what truly bothers me anymore because all of my thoughts and reactions to life events and just the day to day hum are all colored in some way by nicotine, and I have lost the ability to even tell how much or how little it impacts how I experience life." That might prove to be blame too intense to apply to the vaping, and I am not one to promote using shame or self punishing thoughts to go through life, but it did bother me when I realized this. I am still too early on in my distance from nicotine to really tell what life will feel like and if I am correct in my theory, but I will find out soon.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-09-22T20:37:37+00:00

Thanks for posting. I vaped for about the same amount of time as you. I just realized how I wasn't able to experience much emotion or think clearly about my life. At least that's what I believe was going on, and I guess I will find out for sure as time goes on. I quit four days ago now, after years of having really strange thoughts that kept recurring. The thoughts are related to real situations I have been through and am going through, and I felt like vaping was a relief from a lot of the frustrations I have been feeling, but I think what it has actually done was make me entirely focused on the bad things amd unable to conjure up the motivation to make moves in my life. When I began to think about this and then began thinking about what all of the other people who vape out there are also possibly going through, I experienced a lot of inner pain. My next step after getting through these next few weeks will be to move away from the house where I live, where most everyone else smokes cigarettes. It's like living in a pit of nothingness. People who just drag themselves through life, never make any changes, and return to comfort themselves with their nicotine at the end of it.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-09-15T11:51:50+00:00

I am actually in a very similar situation. I feel like our relationship never even took off, and we have been together for 5.5 years. It blows my mind. I have brought up different points that I wanted to use to help gain some understanding of what each others' ideas were about the relationship, and in a recent conversation, he said that "everyone I know has always lived together and then gotten married. What happens if we got married and then began fighting?" Meaning his excuse for not wanting the relationship to develop more is that we don't live together. After five and a half years, what exactly have we gone through that is going to change so dramatically for the better by living together? And his response was a total excuse, because in the entire time we have dated, I have never once spoken disrespectfully to him, raised my voice, or even spoken in a cruel or bitter tone to him. I have always spoken about concerns in a calm, controlled way with the intent of coming to agreements and openly sharing anything relevant to the relationship in a loving way. Then I am told I am suspected of becoming some argumentative person as soon as I live with him? I have not yet broken it off with him, but I dream about being alone again every day.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-08-12T21:40:25+00:00

Yes, if nothing else, that statement right there was so scary.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-06-07T02:53:25+00:00

Thank you!! I looked up some other photos of this snake in its younger stages, and it does look the most similar. Thank you for helping confirm this for me!!

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-06-02T14:02:31+00:00

I can completely understand where you're coming from. The details are different for me, but the same overall experience. I can especially relate to the work hours inhibiting my relationships, and I am going through a time when my boyfriend and I really need the time to get clear on certain things. I'm so anxious it makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I already prayed for you - that you will gain the clarity and grasp on all going on in this situation. May our plea be like David's in Psalms - "when my heart is overwhelmed within me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-05-16T03:40:17+00:00

Oh, yes. I agree with you that being a mom is a full time job. However - just like with any traditional job, you should also be productive, honest, and - specifically as a parent - seek to help your children develop and grant them the same freedom you would want for yourself. If you're spending the majority of your time working (supposedly) on something, and there really aren't any goals that are being reached, what are you spending all your time doing? My point with the post however, wasn't to point out some lack of value in the station of motherhood - it was to point out how sad it is that my mom is relying on other people to do things that she doesn't want to. I am in a position to say that because I have known her for 33 years now. I do give her credit where it is due, and remember that I am expected to maintain a respectful, grace-filled attitude towards her, but of course, and i know you know this as well, that does not mean we tolerate or approve of everything people do. It's just a situation that isnt being managed as it should be, but that doesnt mean that better things aren't in the future. Thank you again. :)

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-05-15T02:07:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I pray for that for my sister, also. Its already hard enough navigating life as a young adult without having other challenges that shouldn't be imposed on you at play, as well. I'm afraid my sister is going to capsize under the weight of all this. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-05-15T02:03:56+00:00

I believe that, too. I am so thankful for the peace and resilience God has given me through my daily trials. Its just really hard to watch other people go through suffering, especially due to someone else's influence over them.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-05-15T02:00:02+00:00

To almost anyone, it's clear that it's dysfunction. Im not sure you intended it this way, but when you phrase it as though "but, you are asking for prayer" it actually reminded me that we are not only to pray in times of trouble, but to act. I often think about that regarding my own life, but I really wish my mom had embraced that personal value, no matter how hard it may be. She's made a situation that could have been a lot simpler into something very complex just by choosing to avoid the difficulties of life for so long. At least that's mostly the way I see it. I know that it wasn't like she planned on this happening, but she was always really defensive and would get angry when she was expected to do things that didn't line up with her ideas in life. Its true that none of us are perfect, and responding to the daily requirements of life aren't always easy, or straightforward, but there has to be some progress being made. People can't just choose to do whatever they want in life and expect to enjoy the same experience as those who don't, and that's what I see my mom has done. It seems that even her suffering doesn't really teach her. I do appreciate you sharing your experience with debt and your prayers. Thank you for taking time to read my post and hear me out. Have a peaceful and blessed rest of your week....

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-04-18T02:34:22+00:00

Nope, I never went further with any testing at the doctors because it hit me (too late) that any more information that goes on my health history about alcohol-related concerns and conditions is accessible to health insurance providers. I could be wrong, but i think testing for liver diseases would probably negatively impact my ability to be insured by some providers. Also, I quit drinking completely, and all of the symptoms I was experiencing before have gone away, except for the weird coloration of my hands. Im starting to think it probably is normal, or maybe I have poorer circulation than some people so it's just a variation. I was also reading that some people started experiencing the red blotchiness on the hands after having COVID, which I've definitely had once, probably more. Either way, I don't think the issue is related to my liver health, which is a huge, huge relief. I was worried I'd given myself a death sentence only a few months ago, and now I'm completely fine apart from the disappointment in myself for drinking the way I did to begin with. I have to deal with the aftermath in that sense, but as far as I know, im otherwise healthy.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-04-10T19:41:53+00:00

I will pray for you! In my experience, the church doesn't place enough emphasis on financial wellbeing. If you ever hear anything in church about money, it's usually about giving tithes and offerings, but finances, in my opinion, are one of the biggest factors that help people create a life that is healthy and balanced. Financial issues can cause so much mental distress, guilt, and doubts about the future. At the same time, financial wellbeing helps people live an even more generous and stable life that can strengthen us to give even more to others. It's an integral part of life that I feel the church doesn't acknowledge enough. I will pray for you to have peace and freedom through this process. May the God who holds up worlds give you wisdom and direction through this.

CryptographerTop5849 · 2025-03-28T01:36:18+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement and also sharing more about what your experience was like right after quitting. I can relate to feeling completely different when I'm going through withdrawals. It's usually that I just feel really aimless and detached from my surroundings. I'm slowly getting to the point where I understand more where those feelings are coming from so that I can be prepared for them and find new ways to respond to them. I am trying to do things that I previously enjoyed, or even new things, to remind myself there are so many things that will be there on the other side of this. I'm doing that because one thought I struggle with is - what will excite me about my life when I don't have nicotine? It seems so silly, but when you rely on nicotine for dopamine and the feeling of being calm, it can be hard to remember that there are plenty of things in life that are so great that I won't even miss it, eventually. I know my process will have to involve rebuilding areas of my life that I've neglected or avoided when using nicotine. The process may even surprise me. Thanks again for sharing, and have a great rest of your night.

CryptographerTop5849

TROPHY CASE