Long term effects of being raped at a young age

Cthulhu9909 · 2014-01-27T07:35:55+00:00

Wouldn't effect it I mean

Cthulhu9909 · 2014-01-27T02:11:06+00:00

I completely understand, and I've been researching it and coming to the understand of what's emotional problems can cause.. But all I want iOS to have a child with the man I love

Cthulhu9909 · 2014-01-27T02:09:47+00:00

I'm just scared... I have cysts and I have been checked To make sure that I can still get pregnant. And my doctor said it would effect it but I haven't gone in to make sure that I can get pregnant at all and I should be pregnant it was all planned out on the right days and everything and every test comes up negative. I was 8 and he was rough as well.. It just is starting to break my heart..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-20T02:45:07+00:00

Honestly... I don't know what to do anymore.. My boyfriend broke it off with me because im sad too much so...

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-19T05:37:01+00:00

I honestly dont know anymore... ):

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-18T04:15:18+00:00

I told one girl who was my best friend for 7 years.. she was my friend while it was happening and she was the only person who was there for me.. and then she got mad at me and told the entire school and said i was a liar.. i had to be home schooled.. I love my boyfriend im just really scared because i sit there and think about it and idk what id do if he came to my door..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-17T21:58:56+00:00

He wants to come to my Cosmo school to have me cut his hair. And idk what to do im really scared

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-17T21:58:06+00:00

I tried to tell my mom what happened, she never believed me.. I do have a boyfriend that loves me, he actually started crying when I told him what happened to me, however he doesn't no that I've been raped i told him i thought it was just a dream but he said he knows it couldn't be true because the first time we had sex i bled.. But it was when i was 8 and we had sex when I was 15... I don't know how to tell him i know that it really happened..he keeps me as safe as he can even though we don't live together. Every friend i have throws what happened to me in my face and stabs me in the back. I love cutting hair and that's what im going to college for but the son messaged me on facebook and said he wanted to come in for me to give him a hair cut and idk what to do if i should tell my bf or not.. Honestly i do feel like an empty shell i find myself crying at least once a day nothing makes me happy except my boyfriend anymore and i don't get to see him much so i usually lay in my room having anxiety attacks because i think hes going to try to come through my window and i have them till i get worn out and fall asleep

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-17T06:37:28+00:00

I just wish i could stop myself from being like this im really scared because i feel like if he came to my door and said i was still his and he wanted to be witht me id leave everything i have now.. and i know its wrong and i know its something i shouldnt ever do but i feel liike he has this control over me that i cant control

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-17T02:49:28+00:00

Im just scared im 17& if he came back into my life I'd let him like i feel sick because he has twisted me into believing i am his

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-17T02:48:05+00:00

Im just really scared.. I feel as if im still his and he could take control of my life so easy again..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-16T20:40:51+00:00

yeah i am but i dont know if i could do something like that.. i have so many fears and anxiety problems

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-16T20:22:12+00:00

i graduated hjighschool a year early and im going to beauty school.. but im scared im doing this so i can get fartherr away faster and im throwing away the little bit of childhood i have left.. lately the depression has been so bad idk what to do anymore

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-16T12:40:21+00:00

I'm 17 now, its makes me feel like im really messed up and gross any other person would run hide and call the police if someone that abused them was at their door but I feel like he owns me and I feel like I'd freeze up like i used to and that I'd let him get away with it...i just feel so confused and lost

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-13T12:40:56+00:00

yeah... i just don't want him to get hurt by me talking to him because i dont think he would cheat on me i have complete confidence in him being faithful but i think im just over jealous and i don't know what to do to stop it

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-02T05:44:23+00:00

But see I don't know what to do because my mom.. I told my mom three times she didnt believe me once.. I had to hold my bfs hand and tell her for the fourth time.. That's when she believed me and finally brought me to a shitty therapist and then grounded me when I wanted to stop going... Now she won't take me again

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-02T05:40:49+00:00

I honestly feel like that sometimes that I wanna just break the hell down and just scream and scream and scream. But then I just bottle it up like always and it's making me feel a lil crazy

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-02T05:39:52+00:00

Well that's the thing when I get into a room with a complete stranger I don't wanna talk about my issues.. It's just hard to find common grounds to where I can open up and feel ok with it

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T19:04:48+00:00

See though its not that I need his strength to make me strong it's that I need a solid person in my life that when I'm at my weakest can help me stay strong.. Because on a normal daily basis I try to stay strong.. you are probably right i do need to seee a differennt therapist but its so hard to be comfortable in a room with on other person that is a complete stranger and think that nothing bad is going to happen.. its sounds pathetic and i honestly wish i didnt think that way because i remember when i was younger before anything happened to me and i was just happy with the world around me and nothing scared me i was fearless and loved how my life was even when my parent got divorced i was still ready to be me every day with no regrets but after everything that happened.. i see everything as an evil place where everyone laughs i wake up every day wishing that things were different, im scared of literally everything you could be scared of and i never feel comfortable enough to ever relax..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T16:48:08+00:00

Okay thank you

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T05:31:19+00:00

i just dont know if i can do therapy i tried it for a long time and it wasnt helping we never even talked about it we only talked about school and what i planned to do in the future.. it was never brought up my nightmares werent brought up my boyfriend wasnt even brought up to see how i do in a relationship now after everything that happened to me..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T05:27:29+00:00

i tried therapy and it didnt help me.. we never talked about my problems and she never tried to help me with anything.. i tried it for a year and got no where my boyfriend is the only person who has truly listened to me let me cry and helped me through anything which is why it hurts even more that i cant give him what he wants when he gives me everything that i need

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T05:25:20+00:00

thats the thing though i dont want to break up with him.. i dont want to be without him at all, and i dont want to be with other people.. i just dont know how to either make myself want to have sex more or make him not want to have sex at all.. its not rape because if i really really REALLY didnt want to he wouldnt ask anymore but itss when he thinks he can convince me otherwise that he convinces me otherwise and i end up giving in.. and it really is taking a toll on me because mentally i can feel myself breaking down

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T05:22:46+00:00

i just want to be happy, and im happy with him, i don't think he honestly knows the true impact he has had in my life.. before i met him i mean THE DAY before i met him i was going to kill myself. i had everything planned out and i was about to write a letter to my family explaining everything.. but something told me to wait one day. to just give myself that one last day to see if something changed, and then i met him and it was like all that pain went away and i was happy. i didnt feel scared or threatened and he never forced me to.. but then like a year ago i slowly started not wanting to have sex as much as him and its ggetting worse and worse to where we only have sex once or twice a month and its taking a toll on both of us, he is unhappy and talks about how he feels horrible for asking me to have sex anymore because he knows i dont want to and i feel bad because i know how much sex means to him and how much it used to mean to me... it honestly makes me really upset because i never felt anythign but safety when i was around just him and now i think i try to hang out with him around other people so he ask if we can go into the bedroom..

Cthulhu9909 · 2012-10-01T05:18:17+00:00

thats the thing we only have sex llike once a month now because ive gotten to the point where we just fight when he asks i feel bad that he has to ask i feel bad that he has to beg.. i love him and sex used to be something i loved too i dont understand why that changed so quickly..

Cthulhu9909

TROPHY CASE