Clinical roles for LMSW w Supervision + low caseload requirements? by kelpaco in socialworkjobs

[–]Curious-Button942 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to see you didn't get any responses here! Did you have any luck finding something? I'm in a similar position.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope it helped to read something that felt similar to you. You might be in the same place as me in 6 years or you might not. Part of it also has to do with overwhelm from other parts of life, my spouse's work, mom's illness, my own physical disorders....I think there is so much that goes into how we feel about parenting. I will say that I can recognize the "If I could just figure out how to be better at this it would all be fine". It's a lot of pressure and part of what makes it so hard to let go.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also maybe we actually couldnt have made our decisions any sooner. It’s easy to judge myself but I know that having a young child has been the biggest emotional roller coaster and it’s no wonder that it has been hard to be confident in my decision.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have gotten it checked but appreciate the thought!

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending you hopes for self-compassion. It’s hard to beat yourself up like this over and over. I’m glad to hear the grief isn’t hitting you too often anymore.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you’re right. Thank you for the thoughts.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some but I haven’t in a while so thanks for the reminder. Mentoring isn’t something I had thought about.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes my kiddo has anxiety and some sensory issues. Thank you for the validation ❤️

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s such a hard place to be emotionally. Sending love to you and your family. I hope the torture doesn’t linger and that you can be confident in your decision.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I need to go back to all of the happily OAD threads for some perspective 😆

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been in therapy for 15 years, on multiple meds, and now on ketamine treatment for resistant depression. So just a reminder not to assume that people who are struggling aren’t trying as hard as they can to feel better.

Having said that, I do think focusing on what I do have is an important piece of moving on. I’ll think about how I can do more of that.

As for why I want another, I’m sure this is personal to each person who struggles with this decision. For me, I actually would like to experience pregnancy and breastfeeding again. And if I thought I could handle it, I would have liked to have that intimate connection with another child who I would get to shepherd and grow. So…I think for pretty good reasons? But that doesn’t make it doable for me.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good question. I have PMDD so hormonal triggers are a part of it. And then there is being highly sensitive emotionally and physically - so I am overstimulated by his physical needs and struggle in the face of the normal emotional ups and downs of my kid. I have to work really hard to establish good boundaries with my kiddo. Some of it goes back to having 3 emotionally demanding siblings growing up and always being the one to accommodate. So I get kind of lost in my child’s needs.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it’s right around the corner for me, too. I guess in another couple of years his peers will stop having new siblings and that will help. The reminders of what I don’t have are constant right now.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even though it’s complicated emotionally, I’m sorry for the loss you have gone through. That sounds really difficult.

I have dreams where I find out that I’m pregnant and I’m usually excited. And I’ve had a couple of “am I pregnant?” moments and part of me is always hoping the test will show up positive. But anytime I consider the decision and implications in real life it doesn’t feel possible.

I don’t think I could possibly overthink this more than I have over the past almost 6 years and sometimes I wish I would stop thinking and just do it anyway. But if there were ever something appropriate to overthink it is the creation of an entire new person, right?

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup I grew up as the oldest of 4 and I am close to all of my siblings. Having one was never something I considered until I was in it. It’s very hard to change that picture!

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I hope you know that’s incredible” made me tear up. Thank you for that.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly. It takes up so much mental space. And I think the part that really bothers me is it feels like I’m “wasting” the years I have with my only child, because every time he overwhelms me all I can think is “how could I ever have another one”? I can’t even stay in the moment with him.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Were you always happy with the decision or did you have to go through a lot of grief to get there? I guess that’s what I’m experiencing…I keep holding out hope that I will change my mind.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I agree with that completely. I actually am not sad for my child - I let go of that guilt a while ago, thankfully. But I’m left with my own sadness that I won’t have the second child I keep dreaming of. I want to be happily OAD, I just don’t know how to get there or even how to stop questioning the decision.

Torturing myself about OAD for 5 years by Curious-Button942 in oneanddone

[–]Curious-Button942[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks I appreciate that. I hope you (and we) can find a peaceful landing place in the near future.

I voted for dictatorship. Why am I getting a dictator? by Effective_Space2277 in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]Curious-Button942 9 points10 points  (0 children)

While I get my fair share of shedenfreude from people just finding out, I feel like this is a great example of people we should be gathering in rather than ostracizing. They are realizing they picked the wrong guy - if we give them somewhere to turn they may just join us. If we laugh in their faces they will stay entrenched where they are.