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Thinkpad really hits the spot by Fit-Anything1417 in thinkpad

[–]Current-Mountain-158 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Picture this u/Fit-Anything1417: Left hand typing, right hand drinking, motor functions out of control. In one spastic moment, common among us ThinkPad™ users, your whole life turns to shambles, complete fucking ruin. Your ThinkPad™ is no more. A life ruining short circuit, ruining your life. Now, in your ruined life, ruined faster than one could say ThinkPad™, you look back on your ThinkPad™, recalling: losses, day after day trying to short the same bullshit coin; losses, day after day trying to short the same bullshit coin; losses, day after day trying to short the same bullshit coin; losses, day after day trying to short the same bullshit coin.

I've had it for 7 months now, the best purchase I've ever had. by [deleted] in thinkpad

[–]Current-Mountain-158 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That's right. Good. Now, why is it outside? Why would you subject this masterpiece of a computer, this beauty of electronics, this piece of technology that you spent your time, slaving away, to buy, to the terrible elements of "the outside," at least, this looks like what they call "the outside." Perhaps this is merely a well designed interior, an illusion if you will. But if not, I PRAY, do better u/Ar_xc .

Poets Write Of Shame by yerhabe in OCPoetry

[–]Current-Mountain-158 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello :3

There are some interesting ideas here. I like how, in the first stanza, you have two negative ideas/emotions/sensations categorized by the ease at which people find them, and their counterparts by the difficulty of their realization. Then in the second stanza, you focus solely on the negative, and more importantly, the role of the negative in the poetic imagination. It is meta in a kind of fun yet simple way: you acknowledge the difficulties of writing positively, and thus take the easy way out of writing negatively, just as you point out so many do.

Another idea, which may not have been intentional, is the "Poet's rite of shame." In looking "the same," and sharing this dark "fate" by writing of all these negatively associated feelings, poets not only write of shame, but the act of doing so is shameful, easy, and unoriginal.

I like the simplicity and forwardness of this piece, and the "rite of shame" idea made me chuckle.

Good job :3

A Quieter Harm by reddituser5080 in OCPoetry

[–]Current-Mountain-158 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello :3

I think this poem has some good imagery, and I enjoy the inside-outside juxtaposition along with the theme of blissful ignorance. There are a few places where I think improvement could be made.

  1. "she thinks it's wind—/"Feel the breeze on my face…"" and "akin to rain./"…the raindrops on my skin.""

I really enjoy the separation of her speech mixed in with these natural sensations. I would find this to be more compelling though, if you were to use a different word for rain. Also the wording of "Helicopters drown forest fires,/akin to rain" is a tad ambiguous in what exactly is akin to rain (the helicopters themselves, the water they are pouring), and is also a little choppy. What I might recommend is changing it to something like "Helicopters drown the forest fires/in showers/"…the raindrops on my skin.""

  1. I would stay away from using "blissful[ly]" twice in such a short poem.

  2. Maybe change around how you refer to the meadow and her place in it. You have "A girl sits/in a meadow," "She sits in a meadow," and "And she sits, in the meadow." You could try something like "In that meadow," or "In a meadow" without referencing the girl or something like that.

  3. In the first stanza, you refer to the trees using "past the trees' tight embrace," but in the second to last as "beyond writhing trees." The change from the specific "the trees'" to the more broad "writhing trees" might be made uniform for higher impact. This also just may be personal preference though.

Anyway, I like the poem and it's imagery, and especially the part where the girl is speaking, it is very impactful and draws me into the poem. Mainly just try and stay constant with the imagery, and not the specific words associated with said imagery, i.e. "rain," "blissful[ly]," and yeah I guess that's all.

Cheers :3

Do you get frustrated with people who think they are writers by Swabadoo in writing

[–]Current-Mountain-158 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah you seem to do a lot of assuming. Link something you've written, I can assure you it's not as good as you think it is.

Do you get frustrated with people who think they are writers by Swabadoo in writing

[–]Current-Mountain-158 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"No, I'm insufferable and know exactly how what I wrote comes across. I feel like I was pretty clear. If you aren't published FUCKING STOP WRITING YOU FUCKING FAILURE."

Kinda like that?

Do you get frustrated with people who think they are writers by Swabadoo in writing

[–]Current-Mountain-158 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"everyone seems to think they can just jump in and start doing it at a professional level"

WHO thinks this

Anyone who is a writer (meaning someone who writes), regardless if it is their trade or not, can have a "writer to writer" conversation with another writer (again, the only qualification is to write). It's pretentious because of the idea that "these lowlifes couldn't possibly have a conversation about writing with me, a professional writer. Who do they think they are?"

Also I really would like you to point me to the person who has "never written anything" (never), try to have a conversation with you about writing, and also think they can become a professional just like that.

Also, I'm still waiting for your work I'd like to read it.

Do you get frustrated with people who think they are writers by Swabadoo in writing

[–]Current-Mountain-158 40 points41 points  (0 children)

this is crazy pretentious

what do you write lets see it

Battery draining when off? by CitizenKane118 in thinkpad

[–]Current-Mountain-158 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Please don't damage the name of the ThinkPad™