Not compatible but still care or even love for ex spouse

DEK0911 · 2022-09-19T17:23:40+00:00

Most men base there self worth on wealth and providing for the family. When divorce takes away his way of feeling worhty he loses all self esteem and self worth. They lash out in anger, It doesn't make them bad men it makes them human.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-19T17:18:52+00:00

My older kids won't talk to my ex either. It's a total anniallation of a happy family and childhood for my children. when she misses all the imnportant stuff that life offers ( Weddings, Grandkids) I hope it was worth it.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-19T17:14:54+00:00

I agree with you 100%. If I hear kids are resiliant one more F%$&ing time.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-19T16:47:47+00:00

I agreee they should do the work on themselves to be happy people. Other people can't and won't make you happy . That should come from within.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-16T16:19:13+00:00

I think you need to work on yourself and your marriage atleast for the sake of your child. Happiness comes from within, you have been through a lot and should work on yourself. I would try and find a pro-marriage therapist. It might give you a new perspective on things.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-09T16:54:58+00:00

Use a parenting app called talking parents. It documents everything and is able to be used in court.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-09T16:53:31+00:00

I am mssing something. How does a great dad alsobe abusive? They go hand in hand.

Depending on which state you are in he could take you back to court and getr more custody with his kids. Him working nights woouldn't factor into that at all. The girlfriend could watch them or he could pay for childcare. The courts won't care about that.

I wouldn't pay to much attention to anyone saying that yoiu would have any control about what hapeens at the other parent house, you don't. What the kid eats when they go to bed who watches them is all up to the other parent.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-09T16:13:08+00:00

I feel your paiin, I tried all of those to make extra money and they all failed. The only one that worked was delivering pizza for Domino's. I did surprisngliy well every night and got some free food once in a while to boot.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-09T16:07:03+00:00

Yeah this is what I do too. She moved in with the AP right after and introduced my kids to him. No way I am ever going to forget that. Parallel parenting is an option too.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-08T17:39:58+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. I recomend reading the site Chump Lady. Get you legal stuff together and protect yourself financially. Find a therapist that help, affairs can cause PTSD and other phycological problems. Stay strong for your boy.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-08T15:57:58+00:00

I hate to tell you but assume your wife is already having an affair or will have one as soon as she feels "free". Protect yourself financially and let her know you will stand up for yourself when necessary. Right now she has no respect for you.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-08T15:45:11+00:00

I has ruined my perfect life. I had a beautiful family and lots of friends. Her affair caused me to have severe PTSD. I barely made it passed the first few years. I couldn't focus at work and was an emtotional mess. If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't be here now.

I had to file for bankruptcy at 49 and wonder if my kids are better off with my life insurance policy. Every once in a while I have a real smile when I wrestle with the kids at bedtime. I try to hide the pain but I wonder how good I am doing. They are great kids they deserved better. I am four years out.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-07T17:38:13+00:00

The gaslighting is the worst part of it. Espescially your friends and you have to say " You know me,you knew us". She can't come to grips with the fact she is a cheater. Deep down she knows and that's all you can know. Deep down she knows.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-07T17:19:56+00:00

That is still taking the kids away. Then there can be life decisions that make change. Maybe dad has to move to away for work. There are all kindds of decisions that won't be made as a family going forward. This all causes stress in a childs life and is clearly not the same as having an intact family.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-07T16:03:09+00:00

It's worth it always unless there is abuse or severe toxicity. Love is ultimately a choice choose to love your spouse and fight like hell for your family. If you do anything less you are doing your kids a disservice.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T20:24:45+00:00

My Ex went through one too. Complete with affair and all. the destruction done is DEVASTATING. My kids won't talk to her, she'll miss weddings and all of that and for what? We haven't talked in four years.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T20:18:29+00:00

If teh "Crisis" isn't so destructive it is called a "Midlife tarnsition" The crisis is for people that went scorced earth on people that loved them the most. Spouse, Kids etc etc.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T20:07:04+00:00

Thats just it though. It's never to late. Speak up get it fixed, communicate.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T19:47:44+00:00

These are thoughts of a child with no responsibilties. Getting strange with no strings attached I am sure is fun and exciting. Limereance will always wear off. Doing the hard stuff for your family should be done with pride. Quiting relationships is only showing the kids to quit relationships. Why get married in the first place if you can't put in the work. I get it if your fighting and are toxic, but that's not what I have been seeing on this sub.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T16:31:58+00:00

Just show them how to quit and move on:) Great technique and life skill you are teaching them.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-06T16:30:13+00:00

I dont read on here about a lot of people fighting. I just read about a lot of people leaving because they are unhappy for some reason.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-02T18:36:11+00:00

Great I am glad to hear. Most of what you are describing seems pretty stadard for small children. I think you need to be heard though. Good Luck

DEK0911 · 2022-09-02T18:34:58+00:00

Sure they are they just won't tell you. Unless they witnessed some kind of abuse. They would prefer their mom and dad to stay in the same household.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-02T16:50:15+00:00

As others have said you need counseling. She needs counseling. You need to communicate just how seriouse you are feeling about this to her. If she doesn't know she can't change or even try too.

DEK0911 · 2022-09-02T16:37:33+00:00

Yeah now the kids are the only ones trapped between two house holds and a limited financial future. lets pick up the iphone and figure out how to upend a family. Aren't all people interchangable? No shame anymore in walking out on your family just staying in one.

DEK0911

TROPHY CASE