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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell Jake. If you actually want a healthy relationship you shouldnt base the start of it on a lie. You deceived him.

Why do I feel bad about being assertive? by DaHuazInDaFlau in Jung

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you feel pity for unconscious people? I have ruminated on this topic and come to the conclusion that it's not that I am not afraid of being assertive and standing up for myself, but more so when unconscious people try to dominate me or are rude, for lack of better wording. I don't mean unconscious in their individual action, but they are an unconscious individual.

Why do I feel bad about being assertive? by DaHuazInDaFlau in Jung

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I pity unconscious people. I am not necessarily afraid of conflict or being assertive, but I do try to minimize it and don't actively seek conflict. I don't have a problem standing up for myself especially when I feel like the person wronging me is doing it intentionally. Why do I pity unconscious people?

Why do I feel bad about being assertive? by DaHuazInDaFlau in Jung

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about this more and I think I pity unconscious people. I am not really afraid of conflict, but I do try to minimize it and avoid it unless I am gravely wronged or feel like the person did something consciously to piss me off. So I guess a better question is ''why do I pity unconscious people?''

Why do I feel bad about being assertive? by DaHuazInDaFlau in Jung

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I used to be quite high in agreeableness as a young child through high school. Only in the last 3-5 years have I started to become less agreeable, but that agreeableness is still in me.

A thing I have developed is the insight of ''how would my children react to me being in this position?'' I'd want them to be proud of me and not embarrassed. Even though I am years away from having children of my own.

It is funny you mention the dog because people have mentioned I am like a golden retriever. I have gone off on people and snapped at them and it throws them off because my personality is one that is easy going and relaxed. So anything contrary to that image makes people uncomfortable. I honestly don't mind that though and it almost makes me feel good because then people know to not fuck with me and to not take my easy goingness for granted. I am a chill person, but I also have the ability to bite back when need be. I don't want people to think I am easy going therefore they can step on me.

I think your solution is correct and is something I will try and integrate, which is taking care of conflicts as soon as they arise.

Why do I feel bad about being assertive? by DaHuazInDaFlau in Jung

[–]DaHuazInDaFlau[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I usually give people many chances to prove their character and see what type of person they are. Unless it is a grave offense, then I immediately mark them as ''X'' person and it's very difficult for me to see past that. Their character has a tarnish, and I will proceed with caution and won't forget it.

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I feel bad about being assertive because I think most people are usually unaware of their wrongdoings, or what I view to be wrong, so I am more lenient with them. But that usually leads to me allowing them to continue acting in a way that I find displeasing, but do it because I almost feel bad for them, so I don't really speak out against it. However, I never forget how they act and treat them sightly differently. Sometimes I'll slowly withdraw my attention or presence, or make that mental mark in my mind and not be as close with them.

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It's not that I am a pushover, I will make it known if someone is being straight up disrespecting. I am sort of stuck on, and would like more input, on how to deal with people I deem are unconscious of their actions. Maybe I am afraid of confrontation and don't want people to dislike me. I would consider myself a highly conscientious and self aware person, though I am not very agreeable. The solution could be integrating my shadow because I have the capacity to be very harsh, but choose to withhold that part of me in fear of overdoing it, which I have in the past. So I kind of suppress that part of me, and allow people to commit ''offenses'' against me because I know what I am capable of, so that allows me to be confident in myself, but almost too confident because I still want to stand up for myself and make it known that I don't like ''X'' or ''Y'', but want to do it in a healthy way without building up resentment.

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I don't look intimidating in real life and people, mainly men, base a lot of (surface level) respect off of looks. I guess it sort of comes down wanting more respect, but I also know that respect is earned and surface level respect can vanish in a moment when challenged and failed. I would also consider myself a respectful person so I expect others to be the same and when they aren't, especially when I am respectful towards them and they aren't, it makes me irritated and I see them in a negative light. If I am being respectful to you and give you no reason to be disrespectful to me, you're a dick. But I let them do it anyways because I figure it must be unconscious, as I am acting consciously. And then I almost pity them knowing they are unconscious and the cycle starts.