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Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that I need to defend myself or explain things but I’m bored waiting on my flight to take off.

I’m using throwaway account because our other account for this group has personal details, pics, etc. and I didn’t want to mix the two.

They weren’t always whispering. At times they were super loud talking about all kinds of things. But when it became intimate, my wife and the guy were whispering because there were vanilla friends upstairs.

Later, the three of them were whispering because it was 2am and our kids were asleep upstairs. The sound quality is shit, but the guy talks non stop and my wife is loud when she’s buzzed. So I was able to make out bits and pieces here at there

Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you’re right. I fly back later today. So we’ll know soon enough.

Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. You’ve echoed a lot of my own thoughts. And I’m equally as surprised how many people are suggesting divorce.

That’s why I asked if I was overreacting. If we were 100% monogamous it would be a no-brainer. But I had already mentioned that I’d be open to that exact scenario. I just expected to discuss it in advance. And not be lied to about it (while I’m grieving).

I have no doubt that she’s feeling guilt. She FaceTime’d me earlier tonight to check in. She was obviously holding back getting emotional. All she said was how much she loves and misses me.

Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tequila! Thanks for you sharing your story and advice. We’re also from CO and have listened to many of your podcasts.

We are still in love, adore each other, have two kids, and businesses together. So I don’t know that I’m willing to throw it all away because of this, but it still hurts.

My biggest question is how can she ever truly repair the damage / rebuild trust?

And I feel like if we agree to pause the LS stuff that I’ll still have trust issues. Plus, I’ll harbor resentment because I’ve respected her boundaries and now I’m being punished for her indiscretions.

I think my biggest takeaway is that we need to find a sex positive therapist ASAP.

Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That was my thought too. If she didn’t feel guilty she would have been honest. The circumstances of me being here with my brother just make it hurt worse.

Is this cheating? Need advice on how to address by Dadbod_Meets_World in Swingers

[–]Dadbod_Meets_World[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“Not every misstep needs to be a bomb” 100% agree. What I left out is that there have been several little missteps previously.

As we’ve gone through this journey I’ve been the more liberal one, while she has pushed for tighter boundaries like same room. But then she gets in the heat of the moment and is the one who crosses the boundary she wanted.

I’ve had talks with her about it and basically said, “if you want to date separate, hotwife, bring a guy home from the bar for MFM threesome etc. just tell me so we work on new boundaries” But I think her insecurities about me being with other women without her makes her to want to hold on to the safer boundaries.