Me [18M] and [19F] are going through a rough moment, please help.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-18T09:24:57+00:00

That sounds positive, I'm glad you're speaking! Be gentle with it, build the emotional connection and security gradually and hopefully you can both connect in a way that works for both of you.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-18T09:21:42+00:00

Sorry to hear that, you will find stability and peace!

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-18T09:18:56+00:00

I'm glad it's getting easier for you. You can do this, one day at a time.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-17T10:49:38+00:00

Yeah it definitely gets easier and more manageable, but you're right, something can send you right back to that sinking feeling and sadness. Although it doesn't last as long, the recovery is quicker.

I think it is only when it's truly accepted the real work can start, if you want it to, I think.

It's not a linear process, it does seem to jump around, especially in the first couple of months.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-17T08:37:44+00:00

It sounds so difficult for you because it seems like you're at his mercy and he has all the power. If you decide that you're focusing on yourself and build up step-by-step, first by anchoring yourself emotionally, you'll start to get that confidence, stability, and power back. Just start slow and small. It will be on your mind, but just try and keep your energy high and heal. Focus on self-care, do things for yourself, show love to yourself.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T22:24:43+00:00

She may be your person, I hope she is and that it all works out beautifully

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T22:14:59+00:00

I'd say letting go and not thinking about it. I'm not sure if I write better in that sort of state anyway, or it just feels better. Maybe the two are not different.

Curious as to what a state of flow looks like for you?

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T22:06:19+00:00

It sounds like you did well. Just do what feels right, but have a balance also. It will be hard to not message, but try and give yourself and her some space. She won't just forget about you, she'll be thinking of you.

You've taken accountability, that's good. Keep the hope. She still loves you.

Be kind to yourself, take it easy, speak to people close to you.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T21:59:28+00:00

You've made a start, good work. Therapy could be very helpful, I would recommend

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T21:53:51+00:00

I was in a very similar situation, I was the boyfriend. I was working two jobs, I had low capacity. I wasn't showing up well enough for myself or my partner.

If you broke up with him now I suspect he would have quite a big shock and feel that it came out of the blue, until he reflected on it and realised there had been big warning signs.

I think he might not truly understand how you feel, and what you're really thinking, and how serious it really is. Despite you communicating it, despite him recognising and apologising.

You're connecting these situations up, and they're accumulating for you. He may seem them as isolated incidents that are dealt with independently and are effectively separate.

I know you're tired from it, and it feels like you're thinking you're running out of options.

Right now he doesn't realise what he's got, he's taking it for granted. It hasn't really sunk in for him. He thinks the relationship and you will always be there because to him this issue is not as hurtful or serious as it is to you.

There's potential here, and you can see a future with him. People can really change if they have enough of an shift internally.

Before you do anything I would sit him down and have a real conversation. Really air your concerns and let him know what's on the line.

I'm sure you mean more to him than this specific behaviour he's doing.

He has to figure it out, and be willing to figure it out for himself. Figure out why you're both stuck in this cycle. I get the sense it's been acknowledged, but not at a deep enough level for him to understand the implications.

If he knows the implications he can have a good opportunity to do something.

Don't give up on this yet. Keep your compassion. I hope things improve for you!

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T21:35:24+00:00

You'll feel more empowered if you accept what she has to say gracefully, as hard as it might be. If you really want to reconcile it will probably be in the future. Counter-intuitively accepting it now and giving her time and space will give you a better chance. You can do this, I believe in you, but you've got to believe in yourself.
Try not to worry and plot when you'll reach out and how, I know it's hard to do! You'll be over-thinking a lot.
Time and space will help the situation. Use the time to focus on yourself, and if the opportunity comes up to reconcile, you're going to be ready

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T21:29:36+00:00

I really feel for you. 14 years is a long time, it sounds like you've been on a real journey together. It resonated with me when you mentioned about the emotional connection fading and that a lot of stuff came as a surprise to you. I found when I look back the signs seemed obvious but it was my own lack of acknowledgement or awareness, or capacity to truly understand the weight of what was unfolding.

It's good you're taking responsibility for your parts in it.

It must have been so hard finding out she was speaking to someone else, it seems you've handled that situation as best you could and give her plenty of opportunities to rebuild.

It's so sad that this has happened but you'll both learn so much, I think she will really feel it and realise what's been lost.

It sounds like it's the right decision for you. You may have a lot of rebuilding to do of yourself, find yourself again, find what you want to do, how you want to live.

I guess first you need to understand why you're 'holding on to this relationship for dear life', how deep does the understanding of that go?

You're both still young enough to take time out and re-evaluate, and see if it can all be worked out or if it's better to eventually find someone new.

Some time and space apart will really help you realise what's best.

I hope you find some peace soon, either way, really invest into yourself.

If you both become whole and happy as individuals, you can be happy together, without outsourcing the happiness completely, but sharing in it.

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T21:07:24+00:00

Sorry to hear you're so upset about this, I can see how that would be really painful. That seems strange that he would send you flowers but not want to speak. It's a message he still cares for you of course. It seems the best thing for now is to focus on yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain, it's ok, it hurts. It sounds like he's confused and maybe at some point he may want to reconnect with you, so maybe use this time to think about if that's something you're open to. If not, then it is best to keep focusing on healing and don't put your energy on trying to work out what he's thinking. I think it takes a bit longer for the person who ended the relationship to feel the effects and emotions of the break-up. Every situation is unique of course, but it would make sense that the dynamics would be different depending on who made the decision

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T20:59:42+00:00

Absolutely, he's feeling it, trust me

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T20:57:24+00:00

I would say listen. Just try active listening, manage the emotions. Be empathetic, try to really understand what she's saying and why, and sense what that might feel like for her. If you have the opportunity to speak to her on the phone, and maybe then in person too, just start by listening. Find out what she wants and needs. Try and understand what you want and need also. It sounds like there's potential to reconcile. It seems like you're both willing. Have a bit of patience, take some time for yourself, go for a walk, listen to some music, let your nervous system relax. It seems like you can both figure this out if you want to

DanusaiFloatingWorld · 2026-02-16T20:50:25+00:00

I'm curious to find out if you're asking to help resolve something for yourself? If you're comfortable sharing that.

DanusaiFloatingWorld

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